Letters of Edith Thompson and Frederick Bywaters

These are almost all letters written by Edith Thompson to Freddy Bywaters. They are collated here for the first time in full chronological order. Letters or telegrams used in evidence at the trial are marked ***.  While Freddy kept her letters in a sailor’s ditty box, Edith destroyed his in case they should fall into her husband’s hands or were discovered at her place of work.

Am I right or wrong in saying that this woman is one of the most extraordinary personalities that you or I have ever met? … She reads a book and then imagines herself one of the characters of the book. She is always living an extraordinary life of novels. She reads a book, and although the man to whom she is writing is at the other end of the wide world … she wants his views regarding the characters in the books she has just read. You have read her letters. Have you ever read, mixed up with criticisms of books, mixed up with all sorts of references with which I shall have to deal, more beautiful language of love? Such things have been very seldom put by pen upon paper. This is the woman you have to deal with, not some ordinary woman. She is one of those striking personalities met with from time to time who stand out for some reason or another.

(Sir Henry Curtis-Bennett, counsel for Edith Thompson)

The case against Edith rested largely on the evidence provided by some seventy letters that she had written to Bywaters. Her correspondence has been admired by some for its romantic ardour and vivacious intelligence, while many of her contemporaries shied away from its candid intimations of sensuality, sexual betrayal, and conjugal oppression.

These letters offer a unique insight into the workings of an overwrought romantic imagination, ultimately unable to free itself from the constraints of a respectable suburban marriage. Increasingly Edith Thompson’s at times lucent love letters have come to be seen as documents of exceptional human interest, for her fluency, her turns of phrase, her gift for evoking the rhythms of daily life in 1920s London. Her extensive discussions of novels, of the metropolis’s variety shows and cinema screenings, and above all her accounts of her failing marriage glow at times with the incandescent passions of a Sylvia Plath, though without the benefits of Plath’s class and university education.

For Edith the day of Freddy’s first departure, Friday 9 September 1921, marked a watershed. There was no-one now to turn to, unless she could write to him. She was a woman of immense imaginative ability. If she wrote at length to Freddy, she could make him experience her life in London in his mind’s eye, provided she offered the right kind of detail and sounded the correct note. Naturally such a correspondence would also act as a reminder of her existence and of her love for him.

Such was her immersion in the flow of letters that followed Freddy across the oceans that she continued writing to him even when he was back home in London;  as if she could fully express her deepest feelings for him only in writing. In more ways than one Edith Thompson was indeed a born writer.

The seventy letters and telegrams that have survived of her relationship with Bywaters are minor gems. Her range in them is impressive, her confidence startling. Some of her letters are wholly concerned with literary criticism of a sort, such as endings in fiction, the overlap between novels and life, and the presentation of character in the works of novelists such as Hichens, Chambers and Hutchinson.

On other occasions she expands on her sexual revulsion from her husband and her longings for Freddy. She describes how she dreams about joining him in bed and making love; and then how he bolts downstairs to escape from her husband at the top of the landing. She records her periods to underline the intimacy of their relationship, and then pretends to be shocked when her lover takes her up on it. She offers contradictory accounts of her miscarriage(s), and follows them with meticulous descriptions of visits to formal dinners, the theatre, cinema and music-hall. She discusses scores of people, real and fictional, mostly, but not always, forgiving rather than censuring. She can fight like a polecat when Bywaters is dismissive of her in his replies, and at the same time be as innocent as a schoolgirl before one of his escapades. She is at her best in the recording of the quotidian happenings in her life, involving her lover in the fêtes at the Seamen’s Orphanage in Wanstead Park and the Eastcote outing, as well as the routines, trials and excitements at Carlton & Prior.

Most of these letters have survived. Only for this first trip on the Morea have the records perished. In court Edith refused to admit that she had written to her lover then. He recalled it though and acknowledged that he had replied. So did she in a long letter written on 5 December 1921 :

I seem to be able to talk to you always & for ever, but you, I don’t know, you don’t seem the same as when you were away before, you did talk to me a lot that trip [9 September to 29 October 1921], but this time you don’t seem to at all.

Also included here are letters written by Edith and Freddy after their arrests. Seven letters by Edith Thompson are reproduced here: one to her aunt and godmother Edith Walkinshaw, one to her father, one to her mother and father, three to her ‘lifelong friend’, and one to Freddy’s teenage sister Florence, whose reply to Edith is also published here. All seven letters were printed in the national press, with the newspapers’ fees used to pay for Edith’s defence.

Missing are the letters that Edith and Freddy wrote to each other from the time they were charged on 5 October 1922 to 16 November 1922. Edith only realised that her letters after this date – two of them – had not been forwarded to Freddy when she managed to ask him about them in the dock at Stratford Magistrates Court. The tenor of their remand correspondence can be gleaned from Freddy’s intercepted letter to Edith of 19 November 1922. It is the first of the prison letters reproduced here. That the lovers were discussing books as before is surely remarkable. Even in their extreme predicament now the boundaries between fact and fantasy seem to be as blurred as they were before the murder.

The lovers’ remand correspondence has disappeared from the files in the National Archives. They were not returned to the families of either of the two accused, even though they were legally the families’ property after the deaths of Edith and Freddy. None of the remand letters were read in either the Magistrates Court or at the Old Bailey, as they were not relevant to the case. At that stage the accused were innocent until proven guilty. The legality of intercepting their letters and of not informing them of this is dubious, to say the least.

Edith wrote a number of unpublished letters from Holloway to her parents, her family, her friends. She refers to writing to her mother on her mother’s birthday (17 December 1922), and she wrote a final long letter to her mother and father shortly before she died. Its contents her parents described as ‘too sacred’ to share.

All Edith’s original letters to Freddy not used in evidence at the trial were returned to her mother and father in January 1923. They have not been seen since. We may assume that they are buried with her mother along with Edith’s last letter to her parents and her wedding ring. If so, she is now where her letters are too.

As for the letters used in evidence, these have disappeared from the premises of New Scotland Yard where they were stored originally. Their immediate post-trial fate is indicated by 201/MR/252 (minute sheet 1 & 2) where a CRO (Criminal Record Office) entry of 7 February 1923 acknowledged the receipt of Bywaters’s knife from the Home Office and DPP, and noted further that when the letters arrived they would be stored in the same PPV [prisoner’s property voucher] 12376k.

On 24 May 1923 the letters were received in CRO and recorded as stored. What the DPP’s memo referred to as ‘safe custody’ in 1923 has turned out not to be so in the 1980s, when the author conducted extensive searches for this material. In two separate letters (21 January and 7 April 1986) the Chief Registrar and Departmental Record Officer of New Scotland Yard conceded that his department had failed to trace PPV 1237k, while being unable to confirm that the letters were destroyed. In the 2010s the then archivist historian of New Scotland conducted a further thorough search of the records, and again drew a blank. For the time being Edith Thompson’s letters must be regarded as missing.

The lines that follow were written by Edith Thompson to her parents after her failed appeal on 21 December 1922,  and to her best friend on Boxing Day 1922. Better than most they convey the flavour, depth, and resilience of her prison letters:

To her mother and father:

Today seems the end of everything. I can’t think – I just seem up against a blank, thick wall, through which neither my eyes nor my thoughts can penetrate. It’s not within my powers of realisation that this sentence must stand for something which I have not done, something I did not know of, either previously or at the time. I know you both know this. I know you both have known and believed it all along. …I’ve tried to unravel this tangle of my existence, this existence that we all call life. It is only at these times that we do think about it. It has been an existence, that’s all, just a ‘passing through’, meeting trials, and shocks and surprises with a smiling face and an aching heart, and eventually being submerged and facing Death, that thing that there is no escaping – no hope of defeating.

To her friend:

Yesterday I was thinking about everything that has ever happened, it seems to help in all sorts of way when I do this. I realise what a mysterious thing life is. We all imagine we can mould our own lives – we seldom can, they are moulded for us – just by the laws and rules and conventions of this world, and if we break any of these, we only have to look forward to a formidable and unattractive wilderness..

After an undelivered telegram to Edith of Wednesday 29 November 1922 (addressed to ‘Edith Thompson / Remand Hospital / Holloway Prison’: HAVE YOU RECEIVED LETTER ARE YOU ILL LET ME KNOW from FREDDY’) Freddy wrote to Edith one last time from Pentonville, perhaps trusting that the kindly governor of Pentonville, Major Wallace, would find a way of getting it to her. This letter of 2 January 1923 and his intercepted letter of 18 November 1922 survive in the National Archives. They were read to Edith Thompson on 21 November 2018 when she lay in the chapel of rest at Paine’s in Kingston. Also extant in the archives is Freddy’s long letter to the Home Secretary, pleading Edith’s innocence in extremis. Freddy’s last letter, printed in the press and written the day before he died, is addressed to a loved one whom he asks to revisit a particular table in a restaurant, probably the Holborn Restaurant because that is where it all started.

Edith Thompson and Frederick Bywaters  © René Weis

'When Shall We Meet Again' (1922 waltz, extract) words by Raymond B. Egan and music by Richard A. Whiting.

When the official police file on ‘Thompson & Bywaters’, MEOP 3 / 1582, was opened to the public on 1 January 1986, it was found to contain some material never published before, including six hitherto unknown telegrams. The first two in particular are of crucial importance: because of their dates – both predate the start of the lovers’ full-blown affair – and because their secret nickname for her, ‘Peidi’, is first recorded in the telegram of 13 April 1921. The two telegrams together suggest that Edith and Freddy had embarked on a clandestine path as early as September 1920.

Bywaters. Stewards Dept., 22nd September, 1920 SS Malwa, Tilbury Dk
‘Chief away today cannot come’

13 April, 1921
F. Bywaters, 11 Westow St, Upper Norwood
‘Keep contents of mackintosh safe’
PEIDI

LETTER ***
[Exhibit 49]
[Thursday August,11^th, 1921]

Darlingest, – Will you please take these letters back now! I have nowhere to keep them, except a small cash box, I have just bought and I want that for my own letters only and I feel scared to death in case anybody else should read them. All the wishes I can possibly send for the very best of luck to-day.

From PEIDI.

LETTER ***
[Exhibit 12]
Envelope: Mr F. Bywaters, 11 Westow Street, Upper Norwood
[Postmark: Ilford, 8.15, [Saturday] 20 Aug. ‘21]

Come and see me Monday lunch time, please darlint. He suspects.

PEIDI.

[FIRST VOYAGE: Friday 9 September 1921 – Saturday 29 October 1921]

LETTER
[(probably) Monday 31 October 1921]

Oh darlint I do want to thank you so much, heaps & heaps, heaps for everything – you’re much too good to me darlint in that way really you are.

At any rate I’ll be able to think of you every morning & every evening because I’ll be able always to wear silk now, & the beads no darlingest boy I cant say ‘thank you’ enough everybody wants me to leave them to them in my Will – I feel proud ever so proud when anybody admires anything you have given me.

The lilac set I like best of all, I told you this before, but I must tell you again, they are for Thursday [Thursday 3^rd November 1921] first & then only for the first & last times I am with you. I don’t think you can possibly know how much I thank you, but I dont mind if you dont know, because I know how much.

Darlingest boy, I got your note this morning, if you felt it was awful on Saturday & wanted to die, how do you think I felt? its indescribable, all the pain that this deceit and pettiness causes.

Yesterday I thought was too awful to bear, I dont know how I got thro the day, my mind and thoughts I had to make frozen, I darent think, not about anything, I should have run away, I know I should, I felt quite sure.

Saturday at 5.30 it was terrible, every time I see you, the parting is worse, on Saturday it was awful, so bad I couldnt B.B. any longer, I had to cry all the way to 41.

I keep on asking myself ‘Will it ever be any different’ things seem so hopeless, do they to you?

You said in your note ‘What am I saying dont let this make you too miserable Chere’.

Darlingest nothing that you say like that can ever make me feel more miserable than I do, just try & think darlint that Peidi always feels as badly about things as you do perhaps worse, circumstances always have to be considered & remembered.

Will you think this always darlint perhaps it will help. I am going to see you tonight arent I, just for that ‘very little while’, its the only few minutes of the day that is worth living.

When you shook hands on Saturday I felt sick with pain, that that was all you & I could do, just imagine shaking hands, when we are all and everything & each other, to each other, two halves not yet united.

Have you thought any more about that ‘leave it at night’ for

PEIDI.

LETTER ***
[Exhibit 64]
[c. Tuesday 1^st November 1921]

Darlingest boy, thank you-

I know what you say is really true, but darlint it does feel sometimes that we are drifting. Don’t you ever feel like that – and it hurts so – oh ever so much.

Yes, we are both going to fight until we win – darlint, fight hard, in real earnest – you are going to help me first and then I am going to help you and when you have done your share and I have done mine we shall have given to each other what we both ‘desire most in this world’ ourselves, isn’t this right, but darlint don’t fail in your share of the bargain, because I am helpless without your help – you understand.

Darlint, this is the one instance in which I cannot stand alone I cannot help myself (at first) – the one instance when I want a man to lean on and that one man is and can only – always – be you.

Please, please darlint take me seriously – I want you to – I wanted you to before and you didn’t. Tell me when you see me next time that you will darlint, for certain, remember Peidi is relying on you and you understand me and know I mean what I say and tell me you know I wont fail or shirk when the time or opportunity comes.

Darlint, you say you are looking forward to Thursday night, is this really true? somehow I feel it isn’t, I have done ever since the 9^th and when I think about it I feel more so about it. You have not asked me all the time you’ve been home to go with you – except to a dance – which I refused – because I want to wait for that time – that first dance until it will be a real pleasure, without any pain and it can’t be just now darlint can it? and when you said you’d take me to lunch and then didn’t come and I’m wondering – I can’t help it darlint if I’ve done right in asking you to take me out. And apart from this feeling that I have, there is that ever present question of money – darlint you’ve never told me this time once about money – what you had and what you spent and I felt hurt – horribly darlint, especially about the suit – last time you told me about the coat – but not this time – why the difference darlint?

And as I haven’t any money to give you, at least not much and perhaps you haven’t any I wish you weren’t going to take me out darlint and even now its not too late – if you’d only tell me, be quite frank about it darlint, I’ll understand – surely you know I will. I didn’t intend to mention this darlint, but neither you nor I must harbor thoughts that each other doesn’t know, must we, we must be one in thoughts and wishes and action always darlint, so I have. Please understand how I feel and know I love you.

[SECOND VOYAGE: 10 November 1921 – Saturday 7 January 1922]

LETTER ***
[Exhibit 62]
Envelope – Pour Vous
[Friday 18^th November 1921]

Darlint, – Its Friday today – that loose end sort of day (without you) preceding the inevitable week end. I dont know what to do – to just stop thinking, thinking very very sad thoughts darlint, they will come, I try to stifle them, but its no use.

Last night I lay awake all night – thinking of you and of everything connected with you and me.

Darlint I think you got into Marseilles last night did you? anyway I felt you did – perhaps you got my first letter, the other one you will get today.

All I could think about last night was that compact we made. Shall we have to carry it thro? dont let us darlint. Id like to live and be happy – not for a little while, but for all the while you still love me. Death seemed horrible last night – when you think about it darlint, it does seem a horrible thing to die, when you have never been happy really happy for one little minute.

I’ll be feeling awfully miserable tonight darlint, I know you will be too, because you’ve only been gone one week out of 8 and even after 7 more have gone – I cant look forward can you? Will you ever be able to teach me to swim and play tennis and everything else we thought of, on the sands in Cornwall? you remember that wonderful holiday we were going to have in 22, and that little flat in Chelsea you were coming home to every time and that ‘Tumble down nook’ you were going to buy for me, one day. They all seem myths now.

Last night I booked seats for the Hippodrome – the show was good – not a variety, but a sort of pierrot entertainment and 2 men opened the show with singing ‘Feather your nest.’

The Ilford Hippodrome © René Weis

I wish we could just you and I – but we will yes, somehow we must. I enjoyed the show immensely – you understand me don’t you darlint. I was dancing the hours, I was forgetting, but by myself in bed I was remembering.

Altho its Friday Im not going anywhere, I haven’t been asked Darlint.

Yesterday I met a woman who had lost 3 husbands in eleven yars and not thro the war, 2 were drowned and one committed suicide and some people I know cant lose one. How unfair everything is. Bess and Reg are coming to dinner Sunday.

Today [Friday 18 November 1921] is the Derby Cup and I have some money on ‘Front Line.’ I dont suppose it will win, Im never lucky not in anything darlint, except in knowing you.

I dont think Ill be able to buy that watch for you by Xmas, darlint, Id like to ever so much, but as things are, Im afraid I cant afford to, but the will and the wish to give is there and I know youll like that just as well.

A man on the stage said this last night ‘Marriage is the inclination of a crazy man to board a lazy woman, for the rest of his natural life.’ Rather cutting I think, but there it came from a man.

Au revoir darlint, until Monday, I’ll write some more then and hope I’ll be able to talk with you as well.

[Saturday 19^th November 1921]

Altho’ I said Au revoir until Monday Darlint its only Saturday now. We are opening Sats. always now. I don’t like it a bit because Im thinking of that Sat. about the 14^th when you will be home but perhaps I’ll manage to get that one off. He’s grumbling fearfully about it –‘No home comfort whatever, you’ll have to stop at home,’ no other man’s wife wants to gad the town every day.’ They all find enough interest in their home.’ Is his Saty. off today.

When I looked at you to say ‘good morning’ an irresistible feeling overcame me, to put my fingers thro your hair and I couldnt. I love doing that darlint, it feels so lovely – you don’t mind do you? most men dont like it, in fact they hate it, usually, but I know youre different from most men. When I got to 231 last night only Avis was in. Mother and Dad had gone to Highbury to see Grandma, I believe she is sinking fast. Avis said at the class ¹These are the dance classes at the Cripplegate where Avis, Edith, and Mr Graydon taught. One of the men coached by them was the young Alfred Hitchcock. Mel mentioned he had seen me ‘with a friend of yours’ he said to Avis, but when Avis was telling me this she said ‘I asked him who it was and he wouldn’t tell me.’ She didnt actually ask me to tell her, so of course I didn’t mention you, but she knows I am sure.

On the Friday you left, Mel rang me twice and both times I was out, he hasnt rung again.

Yesterday I lunched opposite a Major and his typist. Id love you to have been there. The conversation consisted of ‘How extraordinary’, ‘really’ and giggles. She did manage to say – rather loudly, too ‘I do wish I’d come into my money soon, I’m tired of being poor.’ I’m sure they would have amused you, it reminded me of what you said Molly’s stock of conversation consisted of.

People tell me I have got fatter in the face this last fortnight, darlint do you put on flesh when your heart is aching, I suppose you must if I am fatter because my heart aches such a lot. When I lay awake at nights and think, the small ray of hope seems so frail, so futile, that I can hardly make myself keep it alive. Its 12 noon now and I am going to get ready to go – no not home, but to 41 to get dinner ready, first and then do shopping and clean the bedroom and dust the other room and do God knows how many jobs, but I suppose they will all help to pass the time away. If I could only go to sleep tonight and wake up tomorrow and find it was the 7.1.22. But I cant I know nothing ever comes right in this world, not right as we want it to be. Its an awful sort of state to get into, this morbid feeling and I hope I shant give it to you, darlint when youre reading this. Perhaps I ought not to write at all when I feel like this, perhaps I’ll feel better on Monday, anyway I’ll put this away until then.

I’ve had a funny sort of week darlint. I want to tell you all about it and I dont know how. I am staying in this lunch time, especially to write to you. First of all on Sat. at tea, we had words over getting a maid. He wants one, but wont have Ethel [Ethel Vernon White] ‘because my people wont like it’ he said I was fearfully strung up and feeling very morbid so you may guess this didn’t improve things. However at night in bed the subject – or the object the usual one came up and I resisted, because I didn’t want him to touch me for a month from Nov.3^rd do you understand me darlint? He asked me why I wasn’t happy now – what caused the unhappiness and I said I didn’t feel unhappy – just indifferent, and he said I used to feel happy once. Well, I suppose I did, I suppose even I would have called it happiness, because I was content to let things just jog along, and not think, but that was before I knew what real happiness could be like, before I loved you darlint. Of course I did not tell him that but I did tell him I didn’t love him and he seemed astounded. He wants me to forgive and forget anything he has said or done in the past and start fresh and try and be happy again and want just him. He wants me to try as well and so that when another year has passed meaning the year that ends on January 15/1922, we shall be just as happy and contented as we were on that day 7 [she means 6] years ago. These are his words I am quoting. I told him I didnt love him but that I would do my share to try and make him happy and contented. It was an easy way out of a lot of things to promise this darlint. I hope you can understand. I was feeling awful – I could have so easily died and I still feel awful today, how I wish you were here, – I think only you can make me hope on a little longer. I got 2 letters in separate envelopes and 2 letters in 1 long envelope – today darlint, but I didnt like the E on the long envelope, even to curb other people’s curiosity dont put that again darlint. It was lovely to be able to talk to you. I didnt feel any happier after doing so, but darlint you and I wont ever feel really happy until we have each other do you think?

The first page of your first letter amused me immensely I can imagine the bugler – also the condition of the other boys.

I think I did tell you darlint I had 1 letter from Tilbury on Friday night and 1 long envelope from Tilbury Sat. morning and 1 letter from Dover Monday morning.

Darlint I dont like you to say and think those hard things about yourself and I certainly dont like that sentence of yours ‘I’ve run away and left you.’ Don’t please think them or about them. Truly darlint, I dont, I know whatever you say – that its Fate – its no more your fault than it is mine that things are still as they are, in fact perhaps I really know, deep down in my heart, that it is more mine, but I try to stifle those thoughts, I only keep them locked up in my heart and I say to myself ‘He wont even let it be my Fault this next time.’ Am I right darlint? its the only thought that makes me want to live on. Darlint, you say do I remember? that Monday Oct. 31. I’ll never forget it, I felt – oh I dont know, just that I didnt really know what I was doing, it seemed so grand to see you again, so grand to just feel you hold my shoulders, while you kissed me, so grand to hear you say just 3 ordinary commonplace words ‘how are you.’ Yes I did feel happy then.

I am glad you like ‘Maria’. I thought it was lovely and yet I didnt expect you to agree with me about the ending. I am glad you do darlint. That’s just what I thought it was a real live book, so sad tho’ – I suppose thats what made it real – I’ll never forget how I felt when reading it and I cried – oh such a lot. Perhaps you do know how she felt darlint, I’m not sure, you know a man never feels like a woman about anything, but perhaps you know a little how she felt, because youre different yourself, anyway I know and I could feel for her.

Darlint, 3 years, 6 ½ years, no I’m not going to imagine, Im just not going to, – 3 months from now is absolutely the longest I am even going to try and imagine. Im not going to look any farther forward and youre not either yet.

I’m sorry you asked me about a photograph, really sorry, because I never make a good one, darlint, not even a natural one, when I pose, and I dont know that I will have one taken, even to please you – darlint you said ‘yes’, I didnt and why did you answer your own question for me – because you knew I would say ‘No.’ However I’ll think about it. You know Im really a coward. Im afraid you wont like it – or perhaps see things in it you wont like. You remember what you told me you thought of and felt about a photograph you had sent of you on the ‘Orvieto’. Thats why Im afraid.

I will do as you say about when I want you, I’ll even bruise myself, as you used and then take myself to Court for cruelty to myself, eh darlint?

I’ve thought about the hair torture and Im feeling quite prepared to undergo it now. I dont vouch for how I shall feel when the time comes, so be prepared for a stand up fight – it’ll be rather fun.

I did laugh about the enclosed greeting card and Im sorry Im going to have another one of them, even to show other people I dont think I like it connected with you, but darlint I know its only the outside shell and its not the wish the real wish I shall get for myself – for only me to see.

About books I have already sent out and obtained the ‘trail of 98’ and am going to start it perhaps tonight – no not tonight I think because Avis just phoned me and asked to go and see Grandma as Im the only one she has not seen and she keeps asking for me. I suppose I shall have to go – altho I dont like it much, I’d far rather remember her as I saw her in the Summer. They say she looks terrible now.

I think the Guarded Flame is difficult to read and I dont know whether you will like it – W. B. Maxwell writes very strange books – some are very sensual – but in a learned kind of way. I cant explain any better than that.

Why dont you want your mother to ring me darlint? I should like to know about that seal on my letters darlint? break it if you want to, if you dont – well dont, but I am sorry you dont remember things I ask you about, things I want you to talk to me about. Youll have to cultivate a better memory for some future date darlint, I shant be so lenient then. I shant mind a bit darlint about the typed envelope, as long as its not addressed as the one I received today. Yes, I think I do feel a bit no not cross – but what shall I call it – disappointed about the lady and the mail bag. For a start I dont like the expression about the coffee and milk coming from you to me – from you to anyone else – perhaps yes and after all is she any worse for being a native – perhaps she is and perhaps she is not – anyway I dont know and I dont think you do and then you say ‘If it had been one of the male sex.’ Why ‘it’ darlint, I thought you were beginning to think just a little bit more of us than you used.

Thank you for giving me something at some future date, when both you and I are ready.

I’m glad you told me you wouldn’t worry about me darlint, Yes of course I will tell you everything, when the time comes, but you wont worry about it, will you darlint, whatever it is, because I dont and wont.

In that last note of yours you said ‘you had been pushed to blazes for the last 3 hours.’ Do you know Darlint I can just hear you saying that, yes hear you really – its so like you.

Yes, darlint, I shall say it and I mean it – you’ve not to feel like it, I wont have it, (I’ve stamped my foot here) so just forget and obey.

PEIDI.

LETTER
Envelope – Mr F. Bywaters, P. & O.  R.M.S. ‘Morea,’ Aden.
Postmark – London, E.C., Dec. 6, 1921: 2.30 p.m.
[started Friday 2^nd December, finished Monday 5^th December]

Darlingest boy I know,

I saw in the paper yesterday you touched Aden on the 28^th, I suppose tomorrow or Sunday you will arrive in Bombay & I believe Bill left today, perhaps you will just manage to see him tho’.

I am feeling very blue today darlint, you havn’t talked to me for a fortnight, and I am feeling worried, oh I don’t know how I’m feeling really, it seems like a very large pain that comes from that ceaseless longing for you, words are expressionless – darlint, the greatness, the bigness of the love I have, makes me fear that it is too good to last, it will never die, darlint don’t think, but I fear – how can I explain – that it will never mature, that we, you & I will never reap our reward, in fact, I just feel today darlint, that our love will all be in vain.

He talked to me again last night a lot, darlint I don’t remember much about it, except that he asked me if I was any happier. I just said I suppose as happy as I shall ever be, & then he frightened me by saying – oh I don’t think I’ll tell you.

I left off there, darlint – thought – thought for ½ an hour & I will tell you now. He said he began to think that both of us would be happier if we had a baby, I said ‘No, a thousand times No’ & he began to question me, and talk to me & plead with me, oh darlint, its all so hard to bear, come home to me – come home quickly & help me, its so much worse this time. He hasn’t worried me any more, except that once I told you about, darlint, do you understand what I mean? but things seem worse for all that. You know I always sleep to the wall, darlint, well I still do but he puts his arm round me & oh its horrid. I suppose I’m silly to take any notice, I never used to – before I knew you – I just used to accept the inevitable, but you know darlint, I either feel things very intensely or I am quite indifferent just cold –frozen.

But to write all this is very selfish of me, it will make you feel very miserable – you can’t do anything to help me – at least not yet, so I’ll stop.

What else can I talk about? only ordinary things darlint, but to talk about even those perhaps will help to deaden the pain. We went to the theatre in the week to see ‘Woman to Woman’ at the Globe I had the tickets given me.² Woman to Woman is a 1921 play about the doomed romance between a French dancer and a British officer during the Great War.Darlint, it was a lovely play, I think I liked it as much as ‘Romance’ altho the plot is not the same.

Wilette Kershaw and Arthur Wontner,  in Woman to Woman

I have written you a description of it [the ‘description’ seems to be part of a lost letter] – I should like you to discuss it with me, but better still I should like to see it again with you, but I cant, so I have talked to you about it, that’s the next best things, isn’t it darlint?

Also I finished the book ‘The Trail of 98’ & liked it ever so much, I have also written to you about it. Darlint you have quite a lot of mail from me at Aden, I think, I do hope you will feel pleased – not too miserable, I don’t want you to, darlint, just forget all the miserable things I’ve said to you.

Its been terribly cold here & foggy – thick real old fashioned fogs for 4 days. I’ve had & still got such a bad chilblain on the back of my heel – its been there a fortnight now & I cant get rid of it. I think I’ve tried 5 different things. The worst of it is any shoes I have – the tops of them cut it – the chilblain, right in half.

Darlint, have you written to the ‘B.I.Co.’ yet, please do – I want you to, you know – if we are going to win, we must look forward understand darlint?

Yesterday I was taking a country buyer to Cooks, St. Pauls, & passing the ‘Chapter House’ he said to me ‘Would you care for a glass of wine here, its quite a nice place.’ Imagine darlint, me being told its quite a nice place. I said ‘No thanks,’ really I’d rather not’ & yet if it had been anywhere else I should have said ‘Yes.’ Do you know, darlint, when you were home last time we didnt go there once, I feel sorry when I think about it, I should like to have gone, but we will next time, say ‘yes’ darlint I do so hope you’ll be home longer than a fortnight this next time. Isn’t it funny the feeling we have about going into the places with strangers that we have been in together. I feel very strongly about it, I couldn’t no I simply couldn’t go & sit in either of those corner seats at the Strand without you nor at the Holborn, nor ‘Chapter House,’ nor the ‘Coronation’ nor anywhere else, where you & I have been & talked, really talked. Do you remember us talking in the ‘Chapter House’ one Friday night about my life being happy, living with only 2 people besides myself. I don’t remember what I answered then – Yes, I believe I do, but the answer would not be the same today, it would be with only 2 people, 2 halves, one whole, darlint, just you & me, say ‘Yes, it’s right, & it will be so,’ I want telling so many times darlint.

What do you think he is going to learn dancing – to take me out to some nice ones, wont it be fun – as the song says ‘Aint we got fun,’ while you are away. About myself darlint, its still the same & I’ve not done anything yet – I don’t think I shall until next month, unless you tell me otherwise, after you get this letter, or the one I wrote previously.

[Monday 5^th December 1921]

Darlint I got a letter, or rather 2 in 1 envelope on Saturday morning. You say that you can’t write but you will try from Port Said. Is this correct? The envelope of these is stamped Port Said. No, you’re quite right darlint, when you say you cant talk to me, you can’t, these letters are only writing, they are not talking, not the real talking I was looking forward to.

Why is it? darlint, what is the matter? you do still feel the same, don’t you? Oh say Yes, I feel so sad & miserable about it. I seem to be able to talk to you always & for ever, but you, I don’t know, you don’t seem the same as when you were away before, you did talk to me a lot that trip, but this time you don’t seem to at all. Why is it darlint? You do still feel the same don’t you? Am I horrid to expect so much, tell me if I am but darlint I feel that I could give all, everything & I can’t read between the lines of your letters this time that you even want to accept that at all.

One part that did amuse me was over the argument. That expression ‘I do love ‘em, etc.’ made me think of old times, you remember the Shanklin times, when neither of us had any care, or worries, personal ones I mean, altho we hadn’t learned to know ourselves or each other, which were the best times darlint! now or then, just tell me, I shant mind.

Alum Bay (probably), Isle of Wight, June 1921; Freddy Bywaters, Edith and Percy Thompson; photo taken by Avis Graydon

That was a funny dream you had, wasn’t it? I wonder what it means or if it means anything. Why do you tell me not to get excited darlint, do you think I would. I don’t think I should darlint, over that, you & I have too much at stake, to take too many risks. But I don’t think there is any risk, darlint, it doesn’t seem so at any rate, but I feel that I could dare anything, and bear everything for you, darlint.

That’s all now, darlint, I’ve got such a great lump in my throat & I’ll have to swallow it somehow. Peidi does want you now.

LETTER ***
[Exhibit 27]
[(probably) Monday 19 December 1921]

Have told you before I put 10- eh way on ‘Welsh Woman’ for the M’chester Cup; just because you liked it. I expect you know the result. The favourite won and it (the favourite) was the only horse I really fancied, but as it was only 5 to 2 starting price, I didn’t think it was worth the risk and then the dashed thing won.

Darlint, its a good job you are winning some money at cards, for I can’t win any at horses.

I have won 14/9 on one race since you have been gone, I’ve forgotten which one it was.

I’ve enclosed you several cuttings, please read them darlint, and tell me what you think of them. The one I’ve marked with a cross I think very true indeed, but I’d like to know what you think about it.

The Part about ‘a man to lean on’ is especially true. Darlint, it was that about you that first made me think on you, in the way I do now. I feel always that were I in any difficulty, I could rely and lean on you. I like to feel that I have you to lean on, of course I dont want to really but its nice to know I can, if I want to. Do you understand? Note the part, ‘always think of her first, always be patient and kind, always help her in every way he can, he will have gone a long way to making her love him.’

Such things as wiping up, getting pins for me etc, all counted, darlint. Do you remember the pin incident, on Aug. 1, darlint and the subsequent remark from him ‘You like to have someone always tacked on to you to run all your little errands and obey all your little requests.’ That was it, darlint, that counted, obeying little requests – such as getting a pin, it was a novelty – he’d never done that. …

‘It is the man who has no right, who generally comforts the woman who has wrongs.’ This is also right darlint isn’t it? as things are, but darlint, its not always going to be is it? You will have the right soon wont you? Say Yes.

The ‘husband and dance partners’ article also amused me, especially as things are. I think I told you about him wanting to learn.

Last Tuesday [13 December] when Avis came across he asked her to teach him and she is coming across next Tuesday to give him his first lesson. He wanted me to teach him, but I said I hadnt the patience, my days of dragging round beginners were over. Of course this conversation led to us discussing dancing rather a lot and we talked about the nonstop. We were talking of going as a set with our own partners and Avis detailed them all until she came to me and hesitated so I filled in the gap by saying ‘Bill,’ I felt like telling him who it really was and perhaps had Avis not been there I should have done, but I didnt want to endure any more scenes especially in front of her.

You will find the photos with this letter, I havent looked at them and I hope they are so rotten you’ll send them all back. Is it horrid of me to feel like this? I suppose it is, but darlint I want bucking up today Ive made a bruise on each side of my left wrist, with my right thumb and finger, but it doesnt do any good, it doesnt feel like you.

Edith in November 1921 photograph for Freddy
© René Weis
Chesney Ltd., Photographers, 50 Strand, London W.C. 2

We went to Stamford Hill to dinner on Sunday [18 December 1921] and had a very good time, and were given an invitation to dinner on January 7^th to Highbury. We accepted but all the time I was wishing and hoping (probably against hope) that circumstances would not allow me to go, do you understand? but I suppose I shall go.

The last 2 Fridays I have been to the Waldorf and on the first occasion it was very foggy – all the trains were late, so had a taxi right to the Avenue and got to Mother’s at 10.20. He wasnt coming for me so I didnt matter much – but I expect they wonder what I do. I have promised to go to the ‘Café Marguerite’ to dinner tonight. Can you guess with whom? God knows why I said Id go, I dont want to a bit especially with him, but it will help to pass some time away, it goes slowly enough in all conscience – I dont seem to care who spends the money, as long it helps me to dance through the hours. I had the wrong Porridge today, but I dont suppose it will matter, I dont seem to care much either way. You’ll probably say I’m careless and I admit I am, but I dont care – do you? I gave way this week (to him I mean,) its the first time since you have been gone. Why do I tell you this? I dont really know myself, I didnt when you were away before, but it seems different this time, then I was looking forward – but now well I can only go from day to day and week to week until Jan.7^th – then thoughts and all things stop. How have you got on with ‘The Guarded Flame.’ I expect by now you have [read it and found] it interesting -. I have persevered with ‘Felix’ and have nearly finished it. Its weird – horrible and filthy – yet I am very interested. You’ll have to read it after I have finished. I believe if I read this letter through before I sealed it you’d not receive it darlint, I feel that Id tear it up, it doesn’t seem to me that Ive been talking to you at all – just writing to you, but I feel like that today, and I know its rotten because you get this letter for Xmas and it wont be a very nice present will it darlint, but its the best I can do. Perhaps I’ll leave this letter open and see how I feel by Wednesday, the last day for posting.

Darlint, Monday [19 December] – I recd greetings from you and a note ‘I cant write to you’ and Ive been expecting to talk to you for a long time I wanted I wanted you to cheer me up – I feel awful – but I know darlint if you cant well you cant – that’s all to be said about it, but I always feel I cant talk to you when I start, but I just say to myself he’s here with me, looking at me and listening to what I am saying and it seems to help darlint, couldn’t you try and do this, I feel awfully sad and lonely and think how much you would be cheering me up but perhaps you’ll think I’m selfish about it all and I suppose I am, but remember when you are thinking badly or hardly of me your letters are the only thing I have in the world and darlint, I havnt even all those.

We had – was it a row – anyway a very heated argument again last night (Sunday). It started through the usual source, I resisted – and he wanted to know why since you went in August I was different –‘had I transferred my affections from him to you.’ Darlint its a great temptation to say ‘Yes’ but I did not. He said we were cunning, the pair of us and lots of other things that I forget, also that I told lies about not knowing you were coming home on that Sat. He said ‘Has he written to you since he has been away,’ and when I said ‘No’ he said ‘That’s another lie.’ Of course he cant know for certain, but he surmises you do and Im afraid he’ll ring up and ask them to stop anything that comes for me so I must get Jim on my side. You now darlint I am beginning to think I have gone wrong in the way I manage this affair. I think perhaps it would have been better had I acquiesced in everything he said and did or wanted to do. At least it would have disarmed any suspicion he might have and that would have been better if we have to use drastic measures darlint – understand? Anyway so much for him. Ill talk about someone else. Have you guessed with whom I went to the Café Marguerite? If not you will by the following ‘Isnt your sister jealous of you.’

Me – My sister – why should she be?
He – It seems to me you see more of her fiance than she does herself.
Me – Hows that and what do you know about it anyway?
He – Well I saw you going down Ilford Hill the other evening and he was holding your arm – did you go to a dance together?
Me – Oh shut up and talk about something else.

But darlint he wouldn’t he kept on coming back to you and I’d gone there to forget and instead of forgetting I was remembering all the time.

I went to lunch with Mr. Birnage today. At the next table 2 girls were discussing Flemings. ³ Flemings is a famous Victorian hotel in Half Moon Street in Mayfair, London.‘Oh a jolly fine place I think. Good food, a nice band, and plenty to drink’. The other one – ‘Yes, I like the place very much but my boy wouldnt be seen inside it’. It reminded me of you with a glass of bass was it? and Avis with a glass of water.

Goodbye for now darlint, I’ll try and be more cheerful when I write to Marseilles. You say ‘Dont worry – just dance’. If I only could.

PEIDI.

LETTER ***
[Exhibit 13]
Envelope – Mr. F. Bywaters, P.O. R.M.S. ‘Morea’, Plymouth]
[Postmark – London, 3 Jan. 22.]

Darlint, I’ve felt the beastliest most selfish little wretch that is alive. Here have I been slating you all this trip for not talking to me and I get all those letters from Marseilles darlint, I love them and don’t take any notice of me, I know I am selfish – and you ought to know by now, I told you haven’t I? heaps of times. Now what have I got to talk to you about? heaps of things I believe – but the most important thing is, that I love you and am feeling so happy that you are coming back to England, even tho perhaps I am not going to see you – you know best about that darlint, and I am going to leave everything to you – only I would like to help you, can’t I. Of course he knows you are due in on the 7^th and will be very suspicious of me from then, so I suppose I wont be able to see you – will I? You know darlint, don’t have the slightest worrying thoughts about letters as ‘to be careful I’ve been cruel’ to myself I mean.

Immediately I have received a second letter, I have destroyed the first and when I got the third I destroyed the second and so on, now the only one I have is the ‘Dear Edie’ one written to 41, which I am going to keep. It may be useful, who knows? By the way I had a New Year’s card, addressed to me only from ‘Osborne House, Shanklin.’

About the 15^th darlint, which will be the 14^th as that is the Sat: I am going – as far as I know, I have to book the seats this week.

Darlint, I’ve surrendered to him unconditionally now – do you understand me? I think it the best way to disarm any suspicion, in fact he has several times asked me if I am happy now and I’ve said ‘Yes quite’, but you know that’s not the truth, don’t you.

About the photos darlint, I have not seen them, so I don’t understand about ‘waiting for you’ please destroy all you don’t want and when you come to England, show me what I look like, will you yes, I was glad you promised for me, darlint, as I most certainly should have refused myself and I should have hated myself for refusing all the time. Darlint, I never want to refuse you anything, its lovely for me to feel like that about you, I think by this you can understand how much I love you.

The French phrase darlint, if I can remember rightly was ‘I cant wait so long, I want time to go faster.’

You used iron and I used my heel and its such a long time ago, or seems so since I asked a question, to which your ‘I did that’ is the answer, that, I have forgotten what my question was. Yes, darlint I did wonder about you and the ‘Cale’ and was nursing all to myself quite an aggrieved feeling against you for not telling me, but your letter explained. I feel glad you didn’t transfer, darlint Ive got no special reason for feeling glad – but I am. About the fortune teller – you have never mentioned ‘March’ before darlint, you’ve said ‘Early in the New Year,’ are you gradually sliding up the year to keep my spirits up? Darlint, I hope not I’d sooner be sad for ever and know the truth, than have that expectant feeling of buoyancy for a myth.

Darlint Ill do and say all and everything you tell me to, about friend, only remember not to do anything that will leave me behind by myself.

About the Stewardess, Im glad you went to the cabin with her, what is it I feel and think about you? I have someone to lean on – if I need anyone, and she had to darlint, hadn’t she? someone to lean on and help her, even against her own inclinations.

I know I am right? Darlint, I didn’t think it fair about the fight altho most people are disgusted by boxing (women, I mean). I always tried to look upon it as something strong and big and when you told me about that I thought ‘If amateurs even do that sort of thing, then professionals must’ and I felt disappointed.

Thanking you for those greetings darlint, but you wont always be ‘The man with no right’ will you – tell me you wont – shout at me – make me hear and believe darlint, about that ‘Do you’ I believe I felt about the worst I have ever felt when that happened I think when I noticed what I had done I had a conscience prick and felt ‘I dont care what happens and I dont suppose he does really’ but you would care wouldn’t you darlint? tell me yes, if I really thought you wouldnt darlint I shouldnt want to die, I just want to go mad.

Why have you never told me what you thought of your own photos darlint, you are a bad bad correspondent really darlint I absolutely refuse to talk to you at all next trip, if you dont mend your ways. Darlint, are you frightened at this – just laugh at me.

I think you misunderstand me when you think I thought you were cross with me for going out. No, darlint, I didn’t think you were cross for that, but cross because something happened or might have happened to me, that would happen to any girl who took the risks I take sometimes.

Yes, I enjoyed John Chilcote ever so much, I admire the force in the man that made him tackle such a position against such odds.

The man Lacosta in the ‘Trail of 98’ I didn’t give a thought to, he was so vile I didn’t think of him at all, and Id rather not now darlint.

I am reading a book that I think you will like darlint ‘The Common Law’ by R. W. Chambers. We were at 231 for the coming of the New Year darlint – I wondered if you were wondering the same as I. What will the New Year give to two halves – to you and I. Last night 231 all came over to me and did not go until gone 1 and then I had the clearing up to do and consequently am feeling a bit tired today.

If I only had you here to put my head on your shoulder and just sleep and dream and forget. Darlint come to me soon, I want you so badly – more and more.

Your cable has just come in, thank you darlint and I think you might get to Plymouth earlier than expected, so am wishing this off.

Goodbye, and good luck darlint from

PEIDI.

I feel quite big, being a member of the Morea darlint.

LETTER
[plain envelope]
[Saturday 7^th Jan 1922?]

Darlint, it doesn’t seem possible you are home again. I cant realise it, I tried all last night. I did not close my eyes once, just thinking & feeling all over again how I felt when I saw you. By the time you read this I shall have asked you to do something for me. I didnt like doing it myself, darlint, in fact I cried all the time, but after it was done I felt easier, & after you have finished it for me I shall feel easier still. Darlint, don’t be cross about it, its better I am sure & I was thinking all the time to myself ‘the next real one I have perhaps Ill be able to keep for always. I wasn’t very nice last night when you were leaving me darlint, I know, but Ill try and be patient, 2 hours after 7 weeks seems so short. I put the violets in my hand bag last night until I went to bed at 9 p.m. & then put them in water. They are quite fresh this morning. I wore them & they are now beside our monkey on my desk.

I dont think I thanked you enough for the sweets darlint but I was so pleased to see you, everything flew, you understand, I know.

I have not put his ribbon on again yet – it will cause comment if I do so am leaving it for a little while.

Thank you for G.M.M.C. wire this morning. Dont forget I want you always so be careful, & good luck darlint.

PEIDI.

[THIRD VOYAGE: Saturday 20 January 1922 – Friday 17 March 1922]

LETTER
[Envelope – Mr. F. Byywaters, P. & O. R.M.S. ‘Morea,’ Marseilles]
[Postmark – London, E.C., Jan. 24, 1922; 1.30 p.m.]
(but written Monday 23^rd  Jan 1922)

Darlingest boy I know,

I got your note and enclosure from Tilbury and a letter – a real nice one from Dover this morning.

Yes, darlint, it was real lovely on Thursday – just to be with you for longer than that one hour just to let time slide for a little longer than usual I’m ever so glad I had you on Thursday – it would have been so hard – yes, much harder than it is now for you to go away without being with you or just that short time.

Darlint don’t we set store by just those few hours – can you imagine what a whole long day will be like? Hours seem like Paradise, days will be like well I don’t know, because I’ve never had days before.

This is a vile nib, but I haven’t another.

That feeling I had & still have about you going darlint I can’t explain – not even to myself – first of all I feel that I shall want you & shall need you to lean on & you wont be there & then darlint – the ‘drifting feeling’ that I told you about before – I think is mainly responsible I think – if next time – (I mean in March) – things are just the same – we’ll feel further apart still, because darlint, I did feel apart this time – its no use making myself say I didn’t. But darlint that was your fault – yes, it was & you’re going to say ‘It was’ & take all the blame – because I said so – but its not going to happen again – you’re not going to let it are you darlint, you’re going to tell me every tiny little thing both when you’re away & when you come home – even if some things are silly & you’re cross about & you’re still going to tell me. Yes, I’ve said ‘Yes’ for you, so you must darlint. Darlingest boy, I didn’t go to 231 on Friday – I did want you so much – just to take care of me & help me to get thro’, I’ll tell you about it.

About 10.30 or 11 a.m. I felt awfully ill – I had terrible pains come all over me – the sort of pains that I usually have – but have not had just lately – do you understand.

These continued for about an hour & I stuck it somehow – feeling very sorry for myself – until about 12 o’c. I went off then into a faint. They managed to get me to with brandy – then I went off again, & again, making 3 times in all. Everybody here was fearfully frightened & eventually sent for the doctor. He told them to partially undress me & give me a hot water bottle – refilling it every half an hour.

At 3.30p.m. he came in again and as I was no better Jim took me home in the motor. Darlint, I was lying flat on the floor inside, with the water bottle.

When I got home I went straight to bed & about 7 something awful happened, darlint I don’t know for certain what it was, but I can guess, can you, write, & tell me.

On Saturday, I felt a bit better, but not much. I didn’t know what to do or take to get better & I looked awful. In the evening I dressed & went out & really enjoyed myself, meeting heaps of people I knew & hadn’t seen – some for 2 years.

The Restaurant in the Hotel Cecil, Strand, where Edith, Percy, the Laxtons, the Carltons and others attended an annual gala dinner on Saturday 21 January 1922 at which Evelyn Clifford and John Humphreys performed their duet of ‘Three Little Words’.

It was a very cosmopolitan crowd darlint, & I do wish I had been with you there. I’m so certain sure [sic] you would have enjoyed it. I’ve enclosed you a menu & programme, not ours, but an extra one I got Uncle to give me. On the back you will see names of artistes ‘Evelyn Clifford & John Humphries.’ They are husband & wife & friends of Mr. Carlton & they sang a song the following of which I remember:

He: One little word.
She: Cheri
He: leads to two little words.
She: Ma chere.
He: Two little words lead to 3 little words.
Both: I love you.
It was nice, darlint, you would have liked it.

[Clifford and Humphries improvised a duet on the 1920 song ‘Three Little Words’, by Herman Darewski (music) & Arthur Wimperis (words), a hit from the Vaudeville Theatre’s revue ‘Just Fancy’. The full text is

When lovers started courting,
A hundred years ago,
The etiquette
When first they met
Took up a month or so;
He first approached her parents,
And when he spoke to her,
She had to blush and say,
‘O hush! Pray keep your distance, sir!’
But now in passing down the street
He sees a girl he’d like to meet.

The maiden shook her ringlets,
Above a ‘dish of tea’,
The lover knelt
Until he felt
Attacks of house-maid’s knee;
He called her ‘cruel charmer!’
She answered ‘Nay! I vow!’
He got his hat and that was that
Until their next pow-wow!
But now your eyes meet eyes of blue,
You look at them, they look at you.

And one look leads to another look,
And two looks lead to a third,
One sweet smile
In a very little while
Leads to a whispered word;
One word leads to another word,
One and one make two,
And two little words lead to three
Little words: I love you! – And you!]

Yesterday darlint was an opportunity lost, it was thick, a very thick fog – the worst London has known for years. He went to bed about 8.30 with a headache – I stayed up in front of the fire until 10.30 with you darlint – thinking of you & thinking of us & thinking of that ‘Glorious Adventure’ that you are helping me with. You are aren’t you?

Everything was alright on Thursday night. I had an escort from the station. I didn’t go to sleep at all that night, no not once, not even when it was time to get up.

Darlingest boy, I’ll talk to you again by Wednesday. Don’t worry about me now, I’m feeling much better, but a teeny bit disappointed.

PEIDI.

LETTER
[Envelope – Mr F. Bywaters, P. & O. R.M.S. ‘Morea,’ Marseilles]
[Postmark – London, E.C., [Saturday] Jan. 28, 1922; 2.30 p.m.]

Darlingest boy, its Wednesday [25 January] now, the last for posting to Marseilles.

I’ll be thinking & thinking, wishing such a lot of things tomorrow – late – when I shall know you have arrived. You will help me darlint you won’t fail me this time. I’m feeling very very hopeful to-day – that ‘bucked’ feeling darlint, you know it, I know, but I also feel how much I miss you – miss so much even that one little hour.

Do you remember the songs darlint ‘One Little Hour’, did you like it – well if you did when you first heard it, you dont now, because darlint you’ve changed, you’re different – not a bit like the boy I remember at Shanklin on the last Friday, do you remember darling ‘I love you,’ I do & then it was that ‘One little Hour’ kind of love, oh yes it was, but those kind of things that were pleasures to you then are, just sordid incidents now aren’t they – I mean with everybody – but ourselves.

Osborne House, Shanklin, from Pier, to the left of the Royal Spa Hotel next door © René Weis

Darlint, about the other song you never mentioned if you liked the words I didn’t buy it to send to you especially, it belonged to me – no to both of us, & it still does. Not since you’ve been gone darlint have you had a nice tidy head, I’ve done it purposely not once a day but 2 or 3 times, it’s nice I like doing it. So you’ll have to, darlint. Just say I’m not to, & I will. Do you remember our Sat. morning the snowballs & the sweets & the drinks in that ‘low common place’ for a woman to go.

Darlint you know you called me ‘fast’ & the man in the confectioners thought I was terrible spending all your money & darlint I will be terrible, when you have a lot of money for me to spend. All those motor cars & fur coats & champagne you wished me at Xmas I’m going to have one of these days, eh darlint – because you’re the only one that I’ll let buy them.

I went to E.H.S. on Monday night for the parcel & as I had time to spare (I didn’t want to get home before 7) I walked back along the High St. to the Broadway – very narrowly missing Mrs Bristow & bumping into Cossy. I dare say everyone at 231 knows I was in the High St. now.

East Ham Station in Edith’s time, with the East Ham Palace next to it © René Weis

On Monday night we went into the Birnages for a hand of cards. They were very nice, but the strain of keeping out family matters (owing to the rift with Lily) was rather trying.

Darlint, I got your cable this morning, thank you so much the clock indicates handed in at ¼ past 7 p.m. on Tuesday. Is this right? It’s later than it always has been.

The weather here is frightfully cold again, the wind blows so hard, & I miss you to hold me in the train.

Will you do something for me darlint, yes, I know you will if its possible. I want a slide for the back of my hair to match the comb, do you think its possible to match.

I can’t possibly wear my usual one & the comb together. Try for me please darlint.

Have you finished ‘The Common Law’ yet, I expect you have & don’t forget to write me a long discussion on it, I want to hear exactly what you think of her ideas & what you think about her giving in.

The giving in part was rather significant to me darlint, because as you remember saying to me ‘But you would if I asked & wanted you to.’

Darlingest boy, please excuse me now – I’ve just had a ring from Avis & Mother was taken ill last night with ‘flu’ & temperature 105 – the doctor is afraid of pneumonia – so I’m just going down to Manor Park. It’s 12.30 now. I love you darlint & am living for Monday when you will be talking to me. I hope it will be a long time.

PEIDI.

LETTER
[Envelope – Mr F. Bywaters, P. & O. R.M.S/ ‘Morea’, Aden.]
[Postmark – London, E.C., [Tuesday] Jan. 31, 6.15 p.m., 1922. Stamps – 2d]

My very best wishes darlint and hopes for many real happy ones later.

PEIDI.

LETTER ***
[Exhibit 15]
[Envelope – Mr F. Bywaters, P. & O. R.M.S/ ‘Morea’, Aden.]
[Postmark – London [Friday] 10^th Feb. 22, 2.30 p.m.]

Darlint – You must do something this time – I’m not really impatient – but opportunities come and go by – they have to – because I’m helpless and I think and think and think – perhaps – it will never come again.

I want to tell you about this. On Wednesday we had words – in bed – Oh you know darlint – over that same old subject and he said – it was all through you I’d altered.

I told him if he ever again blamed you to me for any difference there might be in me, I’d leave home that minute and this is not an idle threat.

He said lots of other things and I bit my lip – so that I shouldn’t answer – eventually went to sleep. About 2 a.m. he woke me up and asked for water as he felt ill. I got it for him and he asked him what the matter was and this is what he told me – whether its the truth I dont know or whether he did it to frighten me, anyway it didn’t. He said – someone he knows in town (not the man I previously told you about) had given him a prescription for a draught for insomnia and he’d had it made up and taken it and it made him ill. He certainly looked ill and his eyes were glassy. I’ve hunted for the said prescription everywhere and cant find it and asked him what he had done with it and he said the chemist kept it.

I told Avis about the incident only I told her as if it frightened and worried me as I thought perhaps it might be useful at some future time when I had told somebody.

What do you think, darlint. His sister Maggie came in last night and he told her, so now there are two witnesses, altho’ I wish he hadn’t told her – but left me to do it.

It would be so easy darlint – if I had things – I do hope I shall.

How about cigarettes?

Have enclosed cuttings of Dr. Wallis’s case. It might prove interesting darlint, I want to have you only I love you so much try and help me.

PEIDI.

[There follow extracts from the Daily Sketch, Sunday Pictorial and Daily Mirror about Dr Preston Wallis and the death of the curate Horace Bolding and the poisoned chocolates sent to the Vice-Chancellor of Oxford University]

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

LETTER
[Envelope – Mr F. Bywaters, P. & O. R.M.S/ ‘Morea’, Aden.]
[Postmark – London, E.C., [Wednesday] Feb. 15, 5.30 p.m., 1922. Stamp – 2d]

I was so pleased to get your letter, darlint, it came on Friday mid-day. Miss Prior took it in & examined the seal – all the time she was bringing it down the stairs. I was looking at her Darlint, you say I can’t know how you feel, when you failed cant I darlint? dont I know didn’t I fail once? I do know darlint, its heartbreaking to think all the scheming – all the efforts are in vain. But we’ll be patient darlint the time will come we’re going to make it just you & I our united efforts darlint, I shall be very very interested in all you will have to tell me. I can understand darlint how difficult it must be – all that underwork. I wonder if I could do any more. I believe I could; somehow women usually can in these things but I’m counting on you putting all my faith in those persuasive powers that I know you possess, because you’ve used them on me. Darlingest Boy you say ‘Am I right’ I dont know it’s what I think happened – darlint – but I dont know, I’ve never had any experience in such matters and I never discuss them with members of my sex as so many girls do therefore I suppose I’m rather ignorant, on such subjects but I’ll tell you everything about it when I can look at you & you mustnt be cross with me darlint about getting up. I can say I did know it was dangerous or whether I didn’t I just didn’t think about it at all, I fought and fought with myself to make myself keep up & I think I succeeded, darlint. Put yourself in my place darlint & see how you would feel if you thought by stopping in bed and not making an effort a doctor would have been called in would have said well what have you & I think he would someone else not you would have taken both the blame & the pride for the thing they did not do.

I imagine how I would feel about it, I’m afraid darlint I would not have been able to keep silent. Please don’t worry, darlint I’m alright really now – only a bit shaky – & I dont like the way you say ‘It was ridiculous for you to get up’ etc. because I’m not going to let you bully me so please take note monsieur & dont transgress again.

Darlint that Friday night you wouldn’t have ‘gone under to anything’ would you and left me by myself. I understand how you felt, but cheer up darlint it wont always be like that & all we get in future darlint, we shall appreciate the more because we have had to climb so many stiles in ‘Our glorious adventure’ & have fallen the other side so many times, that when we dont stumble when we land on our feet oh wont it be gorgeous darlint the thought of it is the only thing that keeps us up sometimes eh, I understand darlint, the only pal you’ve got understands everything.

It is as if our thoughts & minds & actions were just one even tho’ we are miles apart. Do you feel like that darlint I do when I’m doing anything by myself. I always think & say to myself that you are doing it & thinking it with me.

Darlint when you are home next time you must ask your sister to play the song for you because it wont matter that she does know who gave it you then will it & I shall never be able to play it so darlint please do.

Fancy darlint you doing such a dreadful thing as to discuss those truly awful matters with me. I am ashamed of you. Am I? you know & darlint I am glad you altered (in your mind) that word good to fortunate because you also have to utter the word ‘Bad’ to unfortunate.

I’ve been reading a perfectly glorious book darlint ‘The Business of Life’ by R. W. Chambers. It is very like in detail ‘The Common Law’ but in the one question it is exactly the opposite.

I did enjoy it so much I believe I liked it better than ‘The Common Law’ no I’m not quite certain. Anyhow I want you to read it & tell me what you think of it if you liked it better etc it seemed to me more human in many ways, than the other one.

Shall I send it to your home for you to read over weekend March 18^th or shall I keep it & give it to you. I’d like to send it over to you now, Im so anxious for you to read it.

Darlint is my letter to Bombay awaiting you on arrival, or do you have to wait a week for it, I believe you do. This morning I think you arrive and you’ll see Bill & I’ll be thinking of & about you all this coming week, darlint such a lot. I know you’ll be careful you said you would.

I want to tell you about a dream I had last week I received a letter by hand by Avis & the envelope was addressed in Harry Renton’s writing only inside was a letter from you.

It wasn’t your writing darlint it was a large round hand just like a schoolboy’s. I read & read for a long time not recognising from whom it came until I came to the word Peidi & then I called out ‘Why its from my own boy.’ I dont know if I did really, but I did in the dream.

Even now I cant determine in my own mind whether you sent the letter to him to send on to me, or whether he got hold of it somehow.

Tell me what you think darlint. There’s nothing but ordinary every day things to tell you darlint oh except one thing just that I love you so much but you know that dont you darlint, I wish you were here that I could tell you but you will be one day each day is gradually dragging on.

PEIDI.

LETTER ***
[Exhibit 16]
[Envelope – Mr F. Bywaters, P. & O. R.M.S/ ‘Morea’, Port Said.]
[Postmark – London, [Wednesday] February 22, 1922, 5 p.m.]
[written Monday 20^th Feb 1922]

Darlint, I’ve been beastly ill again this week – only with a cold tho, but it was a pretty rotten one, pains all over me. I caught it from him, I asked him when he had his if he would sleep in the little room and he said ‘No, you never catch my colds, I always catch yours’ so we remained as we were and I caught it badly.

Darlint in a hundred years you’d never guess what happened on Sunday – I’ll tell you, but you mustn’t laugh I was given my breakfast in bed, I think he was feeling sorry about not sleeping alone when I asked him, so did that.

Darlingest boy, it is four whole weeks today since you went and there is still another four more to go – I wish I could go to sleep for all that time and wake up just in time to dress and sit by the fire, – waiting for you to come in on March 18, I dont think Id come to meet you darlint it always seems so ordinary and casual for me to see you after such a long time – in the street, I shall always want you to come straight to our home and take me in both your arms and hold me for hours – and you can’t do that in the street or a station can you darlint I think Bill is leaving Bombay today I wonder if you have played any matches and I wonder and want to know so much who has won.

Darlint, did anything happen in Bombay – or did any kind of conversation happen whatever referring to me at all. I felt terribly lonely all week, darlint – a kind of ‘dont care, cant bother to fight’ sort of a feeling.

Im just waiting for a gorgeous long letter from you when will it come, I suppose not for a long time yet, I do so want you to talk to me today, I keep on looking at you to make you talk, but no words & not even thoughts will come.

I am looking now darlint, hard at you [his photo on her desk] and I can hear you say ‘dont worry Chere’ to Peidi.

Darlint, pleased, happy, hopeful and yet sorry – thats how I feel, can you understand? Sorry that I’ve got to remain inactive for more than another whole month, and I had thought by that time I should be seeing you for just as long and every time you wanted me. However, for that glorious state of existence I suppose we must wait for another three or four months. Darlint, I am glad you succeeded Oh so glad I cant explain, when your note came I didn’t know how to work at all – all I kept thinking of was your success – and my ultimate success I hope.

I suppose it isn’t possible for you to send it to me – not at all possible, I do so chafe at wasting time darlint. He had a cold last week and didn’t go in, but came up to meet me about 5. Of course I didnt know he was coming and it was funny – our Monkey was on my desk – which must have been and Im confident was noticed.

Edith’s hear-no-evil brass monkey © René Weis

Miss Prior told him we had not worked after 5 since last year and he mentioned this to me – as much as to say ‘How do you account for saying you worked late some weeks ago’. I didnt offer any explanations.

On the evening that I told we had had words – about you – he asked me for your address which I gave him and which he wrote in his note book, he also asked me what had happened to the Xmas greeting letter you sent and when I said I kept it he said ‘Why, you never do keep letters from people’ so I answered ‘I kept it for bravado, I knew youd miss it and know I had kept it and one of these days ask me for it.’

He also said ‘Have you anything whatever belonging to him – anything mind you’ (I knew he meant our monkey) ‘I have nothing whatever belonging to him’ I said – darlint it wasn’t a lie was it, because the monkey belongs to us doesn’t it and not to you or to me, and if it was a lie I dont care, I’d tell heaps and heaps and heaps to help you even tho I know you don’t like them.

Darlint that reminds me you said in one of your letters ‘It was a lie and Peidi I hate them,’ about something I had or had not told you and I forget which, but I am sure I told it to help us both.

That hurt ever such a lot when I read it darlint, it hurts so much that I couldn’t talk to you about it at the time.

Darlint, do you think I like telling them, do you think I don’t hate it, darlint I do hate this life I lead – hate the lies hate everything and I tell so many thats what hurts – it hits home so hard – if only I could make an absolutely clean – fresh start – it would all be so different – Id be so different too darlint and we’re going to start a new fresh clean life together soon darlint, arent we tell me we are, tell me you are confident – positive we are, I want telling all the time – to make me hope on.

Darlingest boy, this thing that I am going to do for both of us will it ever – at all, make any difference between us, darlint, do you understand what I mean. Will you ever think any the less of me – not now, I know darlint – but later on – perhaps some years hence – do you think you will feel any different – because of this thing that I shall do.

Darlint – if I thought you would Id not do it, not even so that we could be happy for one day even one hour, Im not hesitating darlint – through fear of any consequences of the action, dont think that but I’d sooner go on in the old way for years and years and retain your love and respect. I would like you to write to me darlint and talk to me about this.

LETTER
[Envelope – Mr F. Bywaters, P. & O. R.M.S. ‘Morea’, Marseilles, France]
[Postmark – London, E.C., [Tuesday] Mar. 7, 12.30 p.m., 1922. Stamps – 2d., 1d.]
[written Monday 27^th February 1922]

You know all & everything I wish you darlingest & myself.

I was very very sorely tempted to buy myself a birthday present from you today. They looked so lovely everywhere you go you see them now, but then I thought next birthday you will be in England to buy them for me so I refrained, altho’ it was hard.

Good bye darlint – you have all my love.

PEIDI.

LETTER
[Envelope – Mr F. Bywaters, P. & O. R.M.S. ‘Morea’, Marseilles, France]
[Postmark – London, E.C., Mar. 6, 6.15 p.m., 1922. Stamps – 1 1/2d., 11/2d., 1d.
[written Monday 6^th  March 1922]

My Darlingest boy,

I was pleased to get letters from you last Monday I hadn’t expected any – as I got that note – after the Port Said letter & thought it must have been posted at Aden. Darlint if you were 1 ½ hour out from Port Said how did you post it?

In your letter you say you felt I had been ill, darlint I told you not to worry & you mustn’t when will you do what I ask of you?

I suppose I have been ill probably more so than I thought but I wouldnt give way because I wanted to keep that illness all to ourselves thinking that helped to keep me up.

I certainly did receive your cable in time to get you an answer, but darlint, it never entered my head that you would expect one I am so sorry if I disappointed you it was not intentional.

You see darlint, I had told you in my Marseilles letter about it. I thought I could write in full in my Bombay letter & what could I put in a cable darlint only ‘Dont worry better’ & you would still have worried I hope you are not now anyway there is no need.

On Sunday  I was ill – as usual – & I did feel really ill darlint, I think it was worse than before what happened. The only effects I feel of anything is a languid lazy sort of feeling – no energy – just pale & limp but all that will be altered when you are in England. I didnt stop away from 168 because I thought of your letters and I knew they would forward them to 41 if I was not there so I managed to get in every morning & went early & then Mater got ill & I had no time to think of myself.

Darlingest boy dont talk or think about losing me that will never happen will it? if I go you will too wont you? You say ‘I must let you know all those things that you ask me & I have forgotten.’

Darlint, do I forget to answer anything I dont remember forgetting anything & I try not to forget anything that we ever say to each other or do with each other or ask each other.

Tell me what I have forgotten & I’ll answer everything. Darlint you say you realise what it was for me after Aug.5^th I am glad you do, in a measure, it was & still is too awful, I darent think too much I should always be weeping & that wouldn’t do, would it? because you told me to dance only sometimes to dance is much harder than to sit & think.

Do you remember the cutting I once showed you – where tell me? ‘Eyes that tell of agony untold Lips that quiver with unuttered pain. A heart that burns with misery’ & grief etc.

Darlint do you remember anything happening to me on Nov.7^th I do & I think you will. We have just got the Doctor’s bill in for it here & he has charged 10/6d so Heaven knows what he will charge for Friday Jany 20^th I dont know whether to offer to pay or let 168 pay, what would you do?

I have bought ‘the Red Planet’ by W. J. Locke & am reading it but am disappointed in it & I think it is the one that you have read & which you thought was ‘The Rough Road’ anyway it is a war story and I’m not very keen.

The Co-Optimists as Edith saw them © René Weis

Do you remember I told you I had been ill with a bad cold well I managed to shake it off a bit – but last Sunday brought it back again so I slept in the little room of my own accord, last Saturday I went to see ‘The Co-optimists’ at the Palace Theatre W. & was awfully disappointed in them. I had heard them raved about & suppose I expected too much.

Darlint I’m beginning to think that I expect too much always of people & things in fact too much of life altogether do you think I do? darlint if you do think so do you think I always will? I have enclosed you a sheet of sketched Millinery that we had done. I had to write 100 of these how would you like the job?

The Victorian Assembly room, Shoreditch Town Hall, where Edith danced. © Shoreditch Town Hall

Twelve of us, mostly Stamford Hill people [Edith’s aunt and uncle, the Laxtons and, probably, friends of theirs] & Reg & Bess went to a private dance in Shoreditch Town Hall last week, he came too. Darlint I enjoyed it – do you know it hardly seems possible that I could to me & I’m sure it does not to you. I enjoyed it dancing with Reg. & Mr Philpot – they are both good dancers & now he wants us to make arrangements for 8 of us to go to the Nonstop March 16, 22.⁴The ‘twelve’ were six couples: Edith and Percy; Edith’s aunt and uncle, Lily and Jack Laxton, from Stamford Hill; Reg and Bessie Akam; Avis and partner (he is referred to in Edith’s letter below, of 13 March 1922); Mr Philpot [and Mrs Philpot?]; Mr & Mrs Graydon [?]

I suppose I shall go. I shall have to, but I wouldn’t if you were in England would I? I am living for you to come home this time darlint, (sorry) every time you go away the two months seem to grow longer and longer.

I suppose you left Bombay on Saturday for England only 3 more weeks. By the way I heard that a boy from the ‘Malwa’ knocked Mr Moore right down a ship’s gangway & rather hurt him. I didn’t hear what he did it for.

Tom and Jane Manning, friends of the Graydon family © René Weis

Today I finished the ‘Turkish Delight’ its all gone now & I’m sorry I was so greedy but I know I’ll get some more soon. Enclosed is a cutting that reads as if it might you? What do you think?

Last Saturday we went over to Tulse Hill – to Mr Manning’s – I went to his office and helped him [Percy] with his books until 5 p.m. & then met Mater & Dad. Avis & we all went together. None of us this time managed to carry away the prize (it was whist) it is unusual as one of us usually manages to take one.

There was no mail in on Monday this week – perhaps there will be later in the week – I do hope there will be I’m longing to hear you talk to me, but darlint longing much more for you to be here to see you, for you to hold me tight so tight I cant breathe. Au revoir darlint.

PEIDI.

 LETTER ***
[Exhibit 20]
[Envelope – Mr F. Bywaters, P. & O. R.M.S. ‘Morea’, Plymouth]
[Postmark – London, E.C., [Tuesday] Mar. 14 Mar. 1922]
[written Monday 13^th March 1922]

Don’t you think this is funny darlint? Mr. Lester, the old man, is failing fast, and hardly knows anyone now.

He doesn’t know me. Avis was over to tea the other day, and was toasting some Sally Luns in front of their fire, and he said to her – ‘I don’t know who the lady of this house is, but she is a beautiful woman, and such a good woman to her husband.’ I don’t now whether I feel honoured or otherwise.

He is moving to new offices in Eastcheap next week, and henceforward will use Fenchurch Street Station.

Peek House in the City, Percy’s ‘new offices’ © René Weis

More bad luck darlint, we never seem to have any good, do we? I’ve got 10/- each way on a horse to-day, it’s supposed to be a cert, but I don’t expect it will win, because I’ve backed it. Before I forget – can you let me know about what time you will arrive in London on 18^th. We are going to a party at Mrs. Birnage’s on that day, and if you were in early I might squeeze an hour to be with you.

On Sunday the 19^th we and Avis are going to Stamford Hill to dinner – we shall arrive at L’pool St. at 12.22 and catch the 10.37 or 11.7 p.m. back from Liverpool St. at night. Darlingest boy, when you do get to London – if I don’t see you until you want to see me – you won’t do as you did before, will you please? please, pour moi. We’ll want all the spare money you have to ‘celebrate’ at least I’m hoping we will. You’re not going to do anything this time, without me are you? You can’t imagine how I’m looking forward to the first time we – not, quarrel, but are cross with one another – then ‘the making up’.

You are going to love me always aren’t you – even when you’re cross with me, and when you are I’ll ruffle all your hair lots of times until you have to melt – and smile at me – then you’ll take me in both your arms and hold me so tight I can’t breathe, and kiss me all over until I have to say ‘Stop, stop at once.’

Why do you say to me ‘Never run away, face things and argue and beat everybody.’ Do I ever run away? Have I ever run away? and do you think I should be likely to now? That’s twice this trip, something you have said has hurt. You will have to kiss all that hurt away – ‘cos it does really hurt – it’s not sham darlint.

I’m not going to talk to you any more – I can’t and I don’t think I’ve shirked have I? except darlint to ask you again to think out all the plans and methods for me and wait and wait so anxiously now – for the time when we’ll be with each other – even tho’ it’s only once – for ‘one little hour’ – our kind of hour, not the song kind.

and Just to tell you

(Peidi) Loves you always.

Since finishing my letter to you I have a confession to make. –

Today I’ve been into the Holborn Restaurant – no don’t be cross darlint, not to lunch.

I got off the ‘Bus at Southampton Row to go and pay the piano account and ran into Mr. Derry outside the Holborn Rest. Do you know whom I mean? The ‘White Horse’ man.

Holborn Restaurant (outside), opposite Holborn Tube Station

He wanted me very much to have lunch with him there, and I only got out of doing so by saying I had mine. However I consented to go into the buffet with him and had a guinness with a port in it, and two ports afterwards – so with nothing to eat since 9 pm. last night you may guess how I felt when I got back here, oh I forgot to say I had a lb. of French almonds as well – he knows from previous experience that I don’t like chocolates. You’re not cross are you darlint? No, you mustn’t be, not with Peidi.

A note from you this morning darlint, it bucked me up ever so. I can’t say for certain that I shall be at 168 any time after 5.30. It depends on how busy we are. If you wire me ‘Yes’ I will go to Fenchurch Street and wait until you come. If you wire ‘No’ I’ll wait until I hear further from you – perhaps you could ‘phone me – Bill got home at 3 p.m. – perhaps you will too – I’m impatient now – if only I could shut my eyes and then open them, and find it was Friday night.

I have sent off to you to-day two parcels – one small and one large per pcls. post. Let me know if you receive them, I wasn’t expecting you to get in early – or I could have posted them a day before.

O darlint, even the looking forward hurts – does it you? every time I think of Friday and onwards my inside keeps turning over and over – all my nerves seem like wires continually quivering.

The ‘non-stop’ for Thursday is off. Thank God or anybody. Reg has gone to Derbyshire and Avis’s partner is down with the ‘flu, I am glad – even so – at any rate I shan’t be tired to death when I see you – all Wednesday – all Thursday and all Friday and then – The Fates – our luck will decide.

PEIDI.

Remember how I’ve been looking forward and when you remember – you’ll be able to wait just a little longer, eh darlint?

This is Friday and on Monday I’m expecting a huge mail from you – you’ll have had all my letters – and if you are not able to talk to me darlint, at least you’ll be able to answer all my questions – now just keep up to scratch or I’ll be cross, no I won’t, I don’t think I could be somehow – ‘cross’ wouldn’t be the right word – it would more often be ‘hurt’.

When we were at Mrs. Manning’s her sister [Beatty / Beatrice] asked him to go over there the following Sat., and when she asked me I hesitated, so she said I’ve already asked Percy, and he said ‘Yes’, so of course I did I’ve mentioned this to him in front of all at 231, and he didn’t question it, but a few days later said ‘he wasn’t going’ – he wouldn’t have me making arrangements to go anywhere without first consulting him, and obtaining his consent. The next morning I sent Beatty a card saying it was impossible to keep our promise to see her on Sat. In the afternoon I went home and had a general clean up everywhere. The sun was shining in the windows beautifully – it was a typically English spring day and I did so want to be in the park with you darlint. He didn’t come home till 5.30 p.m. darlint I do hope you don’t mind me relating to you all these trivial little incidents that happen. I always feel I wanted to talk to you about them.

The Manning family in 1921. Left > right: Harry Panter & his wife Beatrice (née Jump), mentioned by Edith; Thomas Davis and his wife Emily (née Jump). Older lady with arm hooked through gent’s is Elizabeth Jump (née Lawrence), the mother of ‘Beatty’, Emily, and Jane; 1 & 2 on right are Tom and Jane Manning.© René Weis

Gordon was staying in Ilford last week end, and was on my train on Monday morning. His greeting was ‘I never got that cigarette case you promised me at Xmas’ and my reply was ‘I did not have a new one then, and haven’t still – but when I do you shall have the blue one.’ I have heard darlint that the Stoll film Syndicate have secured the rights to show ‘Way down East’ in Suburbia – so we may be able to see it together after all. We’re going to Bessie’s to dinner this Sunday and then follows Monday, when I shall hear from you, such a big budget I hope. I’ll write again after the week end darlint.

Au Revoir —–

PEIDI.

I saw Bill on Friday darlint. He looks very thin I think – in the face. Bombay and you were not mentioned at all – that horse I backed lost of course. Will you tell me how many letters you have got at Marseilles. Wed. the last day for posting was fearful here – gales and now storms, and I believe the next day no Channel boats ran at all. I hope nothing went astray. I wrote three letters and one greeting, posted separately. Enclosed are some cuttings that may be interesting. I think the ‘red hair’ one is true in parts – you tell me which parts darlint. The Kempton cutting may be interesting if it’s to be the same method. Altho’ it’s Monday darlint, the mail from Marseilles is not yet in, I’m expecting it every moment, I wish it would hurry up and come. I put this away now until you have talked to me, and then I will be able to talk to you for another long time.

The mail came in 12 noon, and I thought I would be able to talk to you after that – but I don’t think I can. Will you do all the thinking and planning for me darlint – for this thing – be ready with every little detail when I see you – because you know more about this thing than I, and I am relying on you for all plans and instructions – only just the act I’m not. I’m wanting that man to lean on now darlint, and I shall lean hard – so be prepared.

In this case I shan’t be able to rely wholly on myself, and I know you won’t fail me. I can’t remember if I only sent one letter to Port Said, if it was a very long one perhaps there only was one, but even if there wasn’t – it doesn’t matter much, does it? There would be no identification marks in it either, for you or me, and the loss of one letter seems such a small thing when you and I are looking forward to such big things darlint, this time? Yes! About the ‘Slave.’ I didn’t know what to make of that girl – yes – he was quite happy seeing her with those jewels. They were 2 similar natures – what pleased him – pleased her – not English at all, either of them. She stooped low – to get back that Emerald – but darlint wouldn’t all of us stoop low to regain something we have loved and lost. I know hers was without life, but that was because she had never lived herself and she didn’t live did she? not in the world as we know living – she just existed in her casket of ‘live things,’ as she knew them. I don’t know if you will understand this, it seems a bit of a rigmarole even to me. I asked you in one of my letters it seems ages ago, whether I should send you a book to Norwood, or keep it for you – you never told me. When you read my letters do you make a mental note of all the questions I ask you? I don’t think you do, because I seem to have asked you heaps and heaps of things that you never mention. Darlingest boy, when you get my letters and have read them are you satisfied? Do you feel that I come up to all your expectations? Do I write enough? Just don’t forget to answer this and also don’t forget I won’t, I won’t, I won’t let you bully me.

Why not go to 231 darlint, I think you ought to go as usual, it would be suspicious later if you stopped away without a reason known to them and there is not a reason is there? You haven’t fallen out with Bill have you? What about Dr. Wallis’s case … you said it was interesting but you didn’t discuss it with me. Darlint, about making money – yes we must somehow, and what does it matter how – when we have accomplished that one thing – we are going to live entirely for ourselves and not study any one except ourselves? Of course I’d not like to sacrifice any one that has been or ever still is dear to me – but I’ve no other scruples darlint – except actually robbing my own flesh and blood and perhaps one or two persons that are even dearer to me than my own flesh and blood. Yes. It must be done – we must get up high darlint not sink lower or even stop where we are – I’d like to see you at the top – feel that I’d helped you there – perhaps darlint in my heart right deep down I don’t want to stop in a hat shop always – if things are different. If they were to remain as they are now – yes I should – it takes me out of myself but when we are together – I’ll never want to be taken out of myself because myself will be you as well and we can’t ever be parted can we? If we have to be in person we shan’t be in mind and thought. About that flat – I’m afraid its going to be difficult to get one unfurnished – they all seem to be furnished – I’ve been looking for a long time now. Darlint could I get a furnished one at first until you come home next time and look for an unfurnished one in the meantime. I don’t want to furnish it all by myself I want you to be with me, everything we do must be together in future and you see darlint it would have in it everything I like and perhaps lots of things you don’t like. That mustn’t be – If I want something I like and you don’t then for that one thing … you must have something that you like and I don’t. This is right, isn’t it? It must always be ‘give and take’ between us, no misunderstandings about trivial things – darlint plain words perhaps hard ones but nevertheless plain ones they’re always the easiest to fight and then we’re pals again –  …[Part of the letter seems to be missing here: see Filson Young, Notable British Trials, 1923] – not over the object ‘jewels’ but over other things … take for instance Ambition – social and otherwise. Yes, I can imagine her real – but Aubrey – I could shake him – no go – no initiative of his own – just standing and looking on at other people calmly taking what could have been his, away in front of his eyes – oh an ass – nothing more. I agree with you over Ameau he could have had – with jewels – but he didn’t read her quick enough when he did, it was too late. I think Sir Reuben – you seem hard on him for his spite on Caryll – over his first wife – but I suppose its natural darlint – I suppose all of us right down deep would like to hurt someone when we have been hurt.

 

 

 

 

 

LETTER
[Envelope – Mr F. Bywaters, P. & O. R.M.S. ‘Morea’, Plymouth]
[Postmark – London, Mar. 14, 5 p.m., 1922. Stamp – 2d.]
[written Tuesday 14^th March 1922]

Je suis Goche darlint & disappointed I said in my previous letter I was sending 1 large & 1 small parcel.

I have only sent 1, the large one.

Lunch time I went to Queen Vic. St to get some ‘Toblerone’ to send with the tissue paper (a small pcl) but finding ‘Toblerone’ is out of stock for a few days, therefore I’ve not sent the tissue, but I’ll give it you when we meet.

Au revoir darlint, I’m consumed with impatience. PEIDI.

LETTER
[plain envelope]
[c. Thursday 16^th March]

Darlingest Boy,

Thank you – ever so much for all those things I received – are they all for me tho? there seems such a lot & what am I to do about them? Wear them now? or wait, I know when you sent them you wanted me & expected that I would wear them, but now – well I suppose its not to be.

Ive nothing to talk about darlint, not a tiny little thing – Life – the Life I & we lead is gradually drying me up – soon I’ll be like the ‘Sahara’ – just a desert, like the ‘Shulamite’ you must read that book, its interesting – absorbing, arent books a consolation and a solace? We ourselves die & live in the books we read while we are reading them & then when we have finished, the books die and we live – or exist – just drag on thro years & years, until when? who knows – Im beginning to think no one does – no not even you & I, we are not the shapers of our destinies.

I’ll always love you darlint,
PEIDI

LETTER
[plain envelope]
[written shortly before Thursday 30^th March 1922]

Darlint, I did have a doubt about Australia – doesnt doubt show great love sometimes? I think it does, its that sort of doubt I had – perhaps ‘doubt’ is the wrong word – its fear more – fear of losing you – a woman is different from a man – a man says ‘I want it – I’ll take it – a woman wants to say that – but an inborn feeling of modesty is it? makes her withhold her action perhaps you’ll not understand this. Men are carried away on the moment by lots of different actions, love, hate, passion, & they always stand by what they have done.

Darlint, Australia frightens me, memories, with faces, return & humans cannot control their own Fate.

Supposing Fate has it written down that you & I are never to be happy, you’ll fight against it, but you’ll have to give in & perhaps you’ll come back, perhaps you wont. Darlint I’m going to forget there is such a place from the day you sail this time, till the day you return.

On the evening you said to me ‘Au revoir’ in January – you told me you still had something – something in connection with Australia. All the time you were away I wondered why you mentioned it what made you remind me about it.

Darlint before you go this time send me everything connected with Australia & when you come back to me from Australia I’ll give them all back to you, to do with what you like.

Whatever you think about this will you talk to me about it please darlint.

Nothing, nothing on this earth ever will make a teeny scrap of difference to our love.

Darlint, it is real & for all time too large – too great – too grand for anything to destroy it.

I’ll keep those things, at least for you to see the first time, but darlint if it is possible for us to go out this Thursday, I’m going to wear one set, & on the day you come home I’m going to wear the other set. Yes, you want me to? or not?

Why and how was I a ‘little girl’ – darlint I always feel that I want you to take care of me, to be nice to me, to fuss hold me always in your 2 arms, tight, ever so tight, & kiss me, keep on doing it darlint.

An organ outside now, playing ‘Margie.’

Darlint I’ll try not to be cynical, hard I’ll try always to be just a ‘little girl’ a tiny little girl that you call

PEIDI.

[FOURTH VOYAGE: Friday 31 March 1922 – Friday 26 May 1922]

LETTER ***
[Exhibit 50]
[1-2-3^rd April 1922?]

Darlingest Boy, This will be the last letter to England – I do wish it wasn’t, I wish you were never going away any more, never going to leave me – I want you always to be with me.

Darlint, about the doubt – no, I’ve never really doubted – but I do like to hear you reassure me … I like you to write it … so that I can see it in black and white and I always want you to say, ‘Please do believe darlint that I don’t really doubt … its just a vain feeling I have to hear you say things to me … nice things – things that you mean … which most people don’t. I wonder if you understand the feeling – perhaps you don’t – but I always say and think and believe nobody on this earth is sincere – except the one man – the one who is mine.

Pride of possession is a nice feeling don’t you think darlint – when it exists between you and me.

I sent you the books darlint, all I felt were worth reading … I hope you’ll think of me when you’re reading them and I hope you’ll talk to me about them.

After tonight I am going to die … not really … but put on the mask again darlint until the 26^th May – doesn’t it seem years and years away? It does to me and I’ll hope and hope all the time that I’ll never have to wear the mask any more after this time. Will you hope and wish and wish too darlint … pour moi.

This time really will be the last you will go away .. like things are, won’t it? We said it before darlint, I know and we failed … but there will be no failure this next time darlint, there mustn’t be … I’m telling you … if things are the same again then I’m going with you … wherever it is … if its to sea … I’m coming too and if its to nowhere – I’m also coming darlint. You’ll never leave me behind again, never, unless things are different.

I’ve sealed up your envelopes and put them away. I did not look at them – except at a small slip of paper I found in one of the small pockets I did read that – and then put it with the others – did you know it was there darlint – it was about a chase – a paperchase I think and a request not to be wakened early.

I’m beginning to think I’m rather silly to have asked you for them – because you do love me – I know that – Do you think I am silly?

I slept on your letter last night darlint unopened I had no chance to read it but got up at a quarter to six this morning to do so. Darlint you can’t imagine what a pleasure it is for me to read something that you have written. I can’t describe it. Last night darlint – I didn’t think of you (Because you once told me not to) but I hope you were thinking of me. Its much harder to bear when you’re in England than when you’re away. This must be au revoir now darlint in the flesh at all events – not in the spirit Eh! We are never apart in that.

Here’s luck to you in everything especially in the thing concerning two halves – one of whom is

PEIDI.

I always do and always will love you whatever happens.

LETTER
Envelope–Mr F. Bywaters, P. & O. R.M.S. ‘Morea,’ Marseilles, France.
[Postmark – London [Tuesday] Apr. 4, 6.15 p.m., 1922. Stamps – 2d., 1d.]
[ Monday 3^rd April lunch-time]

First of all darlingest about Thursday. He knows or guesses something – how much or how little I cant find out. When I got home & went upstairs I found him not there.

As I was getting into bed a car ⁵A taxi cab from Ilford station. The testimony of one of the cab drivers who picked up Bywaters repeatedly at Ilford station can be found in the Radio Times interviews that accompanied the BBC 1973 costume drama A Pin to see the Peepshow, based on the case of Edith Thompson.drew up outside & he came in looking well you know how with that injured air of mystery on his face attempted to kiss me and then moved away with the expression ‘Phew-drink.’ He had been to a Theatre – he had a programme – what I imagine is – waited for me on the 11.30 found I wasn’t on it & caught the next – of course was surprised to find me home. If he has any sense he could easily put 2 & 2 together. Your last night last time & your last night this time – I went to a theatre on both occasions.

THE BAT, St James’s Theatre, 1922: Percy and Miss Tucknott saw it 30 March 1922.

He says he caught the 11.55 but there is no such train in my time table—there used to be. Tell me what you think about this please darlint.

I must tell you this talking about rates at 231 last night Avis said ‘if you dont pay they’ll take you to prison.’ He said ‘No they wont I’ll see to that. Avis ‘well they’ll take your wife. He (under his breath altho I heard it) ‘A good thing too.’ He’s never even said ‘What did you see or how did you enjoy yourself.’ Oh its a rotten spirit. Avis came over to tea on Sat & said ‘The last time I came Bess & Reg were here.’ He Bess is supposed to be here to-day – but she doesn’t know she hasn’t been asked (I note – asked Bess to come down for the week end as Reg would be away – but she replied by Thursday to 168 that she couldn’t come as he was coming home at noon Sat.) He didn’t ask me if we enjoyed ourselves or if Bess was coming so I didn’t mention it.

After Avis had gone I said ‘A remark you passed at tea time about Bess what do you mean by it I want to know.’ He ‘You want to know do you – well you shant you can just imagine how much I know & how much I dont & I hope you’ll feel uncomfortable about it.’

I’m afraid I let go then & said several things in haste perhaps it would have been better had I held my tongue & finished up with ‘Go to Hell’ – you can only keep good tempered when you [are] getting what you want a case of sugar for the bird & he sings. I was told I was the vilest tempered girl living & ‘you used not to be, but you’re under a very good tutor’ now it seems. That was Saturday I went to bed early & how I got through Sunday I dont know living with banging doors & sour silent faces will turn me grey.

It was funny at 231 on Friday I didn’t go down until 8.15 just had some tea in Lpool [Liverpool] St. Buffet & read the paper. Mother asked me to have a cigarette almost immediately I got in & I said, ‘Where did you get these, they look posh’?

She Never mind I had them given me.
Me Well I dont suppose you bought them – where did you get them?
She Fred Bywaters gave them to me.
Me Has he been down here?
Dad Yes he’s been 3 or 4 times.
Me O Im sorry I missed him next time he comes remember me to him & say if he
lets me know when he’s coming to 231 I’ll come too.
Dad He’s sailed now, went out today. By the way ‘Have you had a row with him?’
Me Have I, no, the last time we met we were pals (this is right isn’t it darlint?).
Dad Has Percy had a row with him then?
Me Yes – he did.
Dad & is it over yet? I thought it was when Percy came back to say good bye just
before Xmas.
Me No, its not over & not likely to be – but still I’m sorry I didn’t see Freddy. I
should like to have done very much.
Dad Yes, I’m sure you would & I’m sure he would like to see you.
Mother What do you think of the fags?
Me Not much they are scentd & I don’t care for such posh ones.

Mother was quite indignant with me darlint & said ‘If they’d been given to you you’d like them, so I said ‘Would I’ & smiled Darlingest boy, you know why I smiled.

He came in then & mother offered him one – he looked & said ‘Ambre’. ‘Oh they’re doped cigarettes.’
Mother What do you mean by doped?
He The tobacco is grown on opium fields.

Can you imagine me seeing the joke – inside me – all by myself? When are we going to see the joke together darlint? Oh mother said something about ‘By the way he spoke’ – I said to Avis – he must not have seen Edie (meaning you).

Avis came to tea Sat. as I’ve already told you & went again at 7.30 to keep an appointment she said.

In the afternoon we went shopping together & she spoke about you a lot. She seemed to be quite friendly with you.

She mentioned she saw you on the station [presumably a station in the City of London?] every morning & what a lot it must cost you for fares & it would be cheaper she thought if you lodged in East Ham & then they would be able to see more of you.

Also you had on a diamond ring & seemed to have plenty of money altho ‘I know writers dont make more than £5 per trip’, she said; she also told me you asked after Peggy & that she told you all about it & that she went round & had a drink with you she didn’t see why she shouldn’t as you could be pals (her interpretation) if nothing else.

She said lots of small things connected with you – which aren’t important & I didn’t remember.

Darlint what a poor quality Mail card this time – not a bit like the usual.

Are you Oxford or Cambridge? The former I expect – men nearly always are. Well they didn’t win & I’m glad because I’m Cambridge & I won 5/- on Sat. over it.

By the way I had 5/- eh. [each] way on Leighton on Saturday for the Newbury Cup & the meeting was abandoned owing to the course being covered with 6 inches of snow.

Au revoir darlingest boy.

LETTER
Envelope–Mr F. Bywaters, P. & O.  R.M.S. ‘Morea,’ Marseilles, France
[Postmark–London, E.C., [Wednesday] Apr. 5, 2.30 p.m.,1922. Stamps 2d.,2d.,1d.]
 [Tuesday 4^th April 1922]

I didn’t get your letter first thing in the morning darlint. I felt a wee bit disappointed but supposed youd been too busy with work that must be done, & I was prepared to wait till next Monday to hear from my own man, but at 12.15 just as I was going to leave your letter came. It bucked me up such a lot I thought to myself well it will help me to get thro the ‘inevitable weekend’ & it did help me darlint. All the time I felt miserable & downhearted I was thinking to myself ‘when you go to 168 on Monday you’ll have a real letter to read again. I shall read it every morning until I get another one from you just as I say ‘good morning’ to you. No not to you but to your picture and ruffle your hair & make you cross first thing in the morning (Is this right). Darlint that ache which you and I share & you speak about – yes its awful – not a sharp stabbing pain that lets you know it is there & then goes – but just a numb feeling a feeling of inactivity like a blind that is never more than half raised just enough to torment you with the sight of a tiny bit of light & sunshine.

About what you told me – No I dont think it will worry me – but I can’t help thinking about it can I? after all darlint – but for me it never would have happened I’m always the cause of pain to you & perhaps to myself as well but always to you ever since you just knew me you’ve never been really happy & perhaps had you known me less you might have been.

Darlint I dont think you told me everything that you & others said on that Thursday – you didn’t because you thought it would hurt, but if I promise it wont hurt, will you write & tell me please. I want to know everything. I do tell you everything that is said about you dont I?

Why didn’t you recognise your sister on Thursday you must darlint pour moi – you know what you promised to do for me & she’s my sex – forget she’s your sister think she’s me when you meet her & be courteous. I’m ever so sorry you didn’t recognise her whatever is said or ever happens connected with them & or me dont forget this. Does this sound like a lecture? I dont want it to be, I just want you to remain as I know you now, not to revert to you I knew last year.

Of course darlint I love all you’ve said about me, about giving up what people cherish most for me about those horrid thoughts that people have that you will stamp out. I love all that darlint I feel proud when I read it that you say it about me – proud that I have someone that thinks so much of me – its so nice darlint. I’ve never had anyone quite like you (like you were once, yes, but not as you are now). When & if you do write to your Mother I want a copy of the letter please, yes I do & you must send me one, you’ve not to ignore this subject or dismiss it in the usual manner. Remember I sent you a copy once about the hat for Marie; you’re not going to charge her for it are you? if you were then you’re not to give it her please from you & me. I’d like you to.

Darlingest boy I received a telegram from you on Friday. G.M.M.C. always stop – dont worry. Now am I very dense or are you a little too vague, because I dont know what ‘Always stop’ means Please tell me darlint. I can only think you mean we will always stay together is this it? [it should read ‘G.M.M.C. always. stop. [a telegram break] dont worry.’]

I’d like you to tell me darlint just how you feel when you move out of dock – what are your thoughts when you begin to move when you must realise that you’ll not be on England or anybody connected with you & England for 2 whole months.

You told me you were sailing about 2 & about that time I began thinking how you were feeling if you were hopeful and not too downhearted & I thought about everything connected with the last fortnight, some things I was sorry about & some things pleased. How did you feel? This [time] you went wasn’t like the last time darlint. I had a pain but it was a different one – not a physical one at all – just a pain that you & I were parted again, even tho it was only for 2 months I dont want ever to be parted from you not even for one day, not one minute really. I always want to be where I can see you feel you holding me.

Darlint couldnt Marie help us at all if I have to leave here [her job at Carlton & Prior], perhaps she would if you asked – you know I could do practically anything to earn just enough to keep myself for a little while.

I don’t want to give in darlint oh I do want to have you so much & if we give in people will only laugh & think us failures & we’re not are we – tell me we’re not going to be – we’re going to succeed you & I together even tho’ we fail in ‘Our Glorious Adventure’.

We’ll fight to the last while there’s an ounce of strength & will power left – fight to live our life, the life you & I will choose together – we’re not cowards to shirk & hide behind a cloak of previous misfortunes – we’ll take the bull by the horns & shape something good & clean out of something bad.

I cant help this paper being another colour – its the only pad the stationer had in stock.

A lady has just come in whom I have not seen for 5 years nearly, she has since been married & had 2 children one of which & her husband has died. She says I dont look any older – but I’m sure by the way she said it, she doesn’t think it. I wonder why people will always pay doubtful compliments they dont mean.

Today is April 4^th & the snow is falling in thick lumps & laying in some places – the weather has stopped trade & made everybody miserable. What poet was it who wrote ‘Oh to be in England now Spring is here.’ I wish he were alive & feeling miserable as I, on this nice English Spring Day.

Dont forget darlint when you are reading the books that the Shulamite comes first. The ‘Woman Deborah’ after.

I wonder if you will notice anything in ‘The Woman Deborah.’ I await your remarks.

Jim fetched my case from Barking & left it at 41 for me, he was going down to Ilford.

Darlint the Turkish Delight is lovely this time much better than the last lot.

Enclosed is one that you sent me, it is a fortnight today hasn’t it kept well. I have tended this one especially to send you – cut its stalk and given it fresh water with salt in every morning.

Darlint tell me you love me & how much – keep on telling me make me feel all the time you do, its a long time 2 months darlint & I want telling heaps & heaps of times, no, not because I doubt but because I like to feel that you’re always thinking it.

Darlingest boy I do love you – yes, always, while this life lasts so much – oh so much, I cant tell you – but you must know you do know darlint, that there never has been anyone I love at all, only just you, there is such a difference – Good bye until Bombay.

(Good luck)

PEIDI.

Darlingest boy,

11.45 a.m. 5/4/22 – I’ve just read your cable – it came first thing this morning I believe – but I didn’t feel up to the mark – so I didn’t go up until 11, & then I was besieged by people wanting this done & that done.

It was nothing much darlint just a few fainting fits one after the other, nothing whatever to worry about so please dont.

I notice it says ‘Good afternoon’ so you quite expected me to get it on the 4^th but it wasn’t recd in London until 7.48 p.m.

Anyway – whatever time it came I was pleased to get it. Pleased to know that when you sent it you were thinking about me.

I’ve got to post this to-day darlint, I dont suppose you’ll get this one till Friday but I hope when you do you’ll feel its all you want.

I’d love to look at you now – you I mean – no, no substitute they (substitutes dont satisfy) but I’ll wait I’ll not say with patience, because darlint I’m not patient am I – but I know you understand.

PEIDI.

LETTER ***
[Exhibit 17]
Envelope – Mr F. Bywaters, P. & O.  R.M.S. ‘Morea,’ Bombay
Postmark – London , E.C., 1[2?] Apr., 22, 2.30 p.m.
[Saturday 8^th April – Monday 10^th April;
Monday 10 April was Percy’s birthday]

I believe I insufficiently stamped the first Marseille letter I sent. If I did darlint I [am] ever so sorry, I hate doing anything like that. You know dont you.

I think Thursday was the worst day and night I ever remember. All day long I was thinking of the previous Thursday, and contrasting my feelings one day with the other – the feelings of intense excitement and those of deep depression, and then when night came it was worse – it was awful. I was fighting all night long to keep your thoughts with me darlint. I felt all the time that you were not with me – didnt want to be. Just had withdrawn yourself, and try as I would I couldn’t bring you back. Darlint, tell me what was happening on Thursday. I cried and cried and cried, until I eventually went to sleep, but I heard the clock strike five before I did so, and then Friday morning I saw your sister and she just gave me one of those looks that are supposed to wither some people and then I felt that the whole word was up against me and it wasn’t really much good living. Still, that fit of depression is on me and I cant shake it off. Perhaps on Monday when the mail is in I shall feel bucked up a bit; also I got your complaint badly since Thursday – all my teeth ache and my head and neck. Is yours better now darlint? I hope it is.

Lily had a dream the other day that the Birnages came to 168 to warn me that he was going to murder me as he had found out I had been away from home for a night with a fair man (her expression). She didn’t know any more than this as she woke up.

On Wednesday I met Harry Renton and he told me he was giving up his flat and going to live at Woodford – did I know any one that wanted it –

Darlint it is just the thing we wanted. I do wish I had been able to take it just three rooms unfurnished 35s. per week including electric light, in Moscow Court, Kensington. Its a very nice one I practically chose it for him myself two years ago. That boy’s fearfully ill really. The Doctor has ordered him to live in the country else consumption through his shoulder wound, will take hold of him. We went to lunch at ‘Manchester,’ but I only had one hour darlint, and a wretched man sat near me who absolutely reeked of scent. It was overpowering. I can understand a woman using such a lot, but a man – oh! its beastly.

Looking down 1920s Aldersgate, with the Manchester Hotel on the corner of Long Lane and Aldersgate tube station opposite. Carlton & Prior would be just down from the omnibus.

To-day I’m going home to entertain Dad. He is coming to dinner and to help him with a job after and Mother and Avis are coming up to tea. Darlint, this writing is awful I know. I hope you will understand it. I know you’ll understand me, and how I’m feeling. Ive got to get thro that weekend again.

Au revoir until Monday darlint I wish you could say ‘I love you cherie.’

Thank you 20 times darlint – the mail is in and I’ve got such a budget. I wish we weren’t quite so busy – Its Easter week – and usually the busiest week in all the year and it seems as if its going to live past its reputation this year.

Before I talk to you about your letters darlint, I want to say one or two things that I forgot last week. When Avis came over on Wed. although it was over 11.30 before she went he insisted on seeing her to the tram and when I offered to come with him he was most emphatic in his ‘No.’ I expect he wanted to ask her about you – had she seen you? Did she know if I had etc? I didnt ask her anything about it and she volunteered no information. Also, you remember her telling me you had a diamond ring on – she added ‘on his engagement finger.’ I said, Why, is he engaged? and she said ‘Probably. He was always knocking about with some girl or other before he knew me, and now he doesn’t see me and he probably does the same.’

I do laugh at some of the things that are said. A thought has just struck me – may I ask you? Yes, of course I may. Darlint, has your head ‘turned again to its proper place’? I thought of the expression ‘she has absolutely turned your head,’ and really darlint I can’t possibly imagine anyone ‘turning your head’ if you didn’t want it to be turned – let alone me – therefore the only conclusion I have come to is that, if it is turned, you wanted me to turn it and only I can turn it back again. Do you want it turned back again?

I saw Molly this morning – darlint if you saw her you you’d say at once – the same as you did about the girl in the ‘Strand’ [the Strand Palace Hotel opposite the Savoy on the Strand]. Do you remember? What is she doing to herself? She looked awful – her face and lips are rouged terribly and thick black lines pencilled under her eyes – and her face is fearfully thin fallen in under the cheek bones. Perhaps its working in the West End. She certainly looks years older than her years and I shouldn’t say she was pretty now – Oh darlint I do think it is a shame don’t you? ⁶Molly Pattinson was 18 years old in 1922 and lived with her parents at 27 Endsleigh Gardens, Ilford, the street parallel to Kensington Gardens where Edith and Percy Thompson resided. The fight between Bywaters and Percy Thompson started on the corner of Endsleigh Gardens and Belgrave Road, with Edith knocked over and falling to the ground in Endsleigh Gardens.

Darlingest boy, I’m so sorry you thought I was silly – about those things from Australia – darlint – although I know – I feel I am – I didn’t want you to think so – but you do and I feel worse I feel small and petty and truly darlint I did not want them from any feelings of jealousy that I might entertain.

I’m not jealous – certainly not of her – darlint – I thought perhaps you wouldn’t give them to me – I thought you might say ‘No I won’t give them to you – but I will destroy them’ and when you did give them to me I loved you such a lot – more and more and more everytime I thought about i.

About that Thursday – had there been anywhere to stop in Ilford – I should have said, ‘Take me there, I won’t go home’ and you would have said, ‘Yes I will’ but darlint before we had arrived at the Hotel, I should have thought about things and so would you and I can hear you say just when we reach the door ‘Peidi, you’re going home pour moi – just this once darlint’ and I should have gone.

Darlint you’re not and never will be satisfied with half and I don’t ever want to give half – all every ounce of me that lives to you.

You say you’re sorry for some things that happened. Yes! I suppose I am in a way darlint, I feel I don’t do enough. I want to show you how large my love is and when it is something you want and you do want it just at that moment don’t you – I want to give it you – I want to stifle all my own feelings for you.

Darlingest boy you said to me ‘Say no Peidi, say No’ on Thursday didn’t you – but at that very moment you didn’t wish me to say ‘No’ did you? You felt you wanted all me in exchange for all you. I knew this – felt this – and wouldn’t say ‘No’ for that very reason.

Half a hour afterwards or perhaps even ten minutes afterwards you’d really have wanted me to say ‘no’ but not at that especial moment.

Darlint, I feel that I never want to withhold anything from you – if you really want it and one of these days youre going to teach me to give all and everything quite voluntarily – arent you? Please, darlint.

Darlint I do know how much you do love me – how much I love you and I’m pleased too because its a lot for me and a lot for you. Its such a lot it hurts – terribly hard sometimes – just when I think and think and hope without much thought of that hope ever being realised.

About the watch I’m so glad it keeps good time and that you always wear it – I always want you to – go to sleep on it darlint, please pour moi – I always wear something you gave me now – both by day and at night. What is it? do you know. I suppose in a way the barber was right darlint –  he does know you better than I do – that part of you that lives on ships but I know you – the inside part that nobody else sees – or knows and I dont want them to yet awhile at any rate.

I do hope youre feeling better now darlint, in one of your letters you say you have had a tough fever [malaria]– oh darlint – dont go and get ill – it will worry me such a lot because I cant be with you. Do try and not get ill pour moi darlingest boy.

When I marked the paragraph about photos in Felix, I certainly was thinking of my photos – dont be cross – altho you say you like them darlint. I dont really – especially the one that I look so fat in.

Tear it up please. To please me and then tell me you have done so. You can keep one.

I dont mind that one so much but I dont really like it and I hate the other one. Of course by now you will have finished Felix. You wont like Mrs. Ismay, although you said previously that you thought you would. You also say she wants to tell Felix she takes drugs but hasn’t the courage to. You will also have found out by now that this is wrong. That is the last thing on earth she wants to tell anyone.

Darlingest boy never mind about the news being ordinary. It is you talking to me and that is all I want and if it is ordinary it is interspersed with little bits that are’nt ordinary that are for me only – such bits – as ‘I love you – always Chere’ and ‘I’m always with you in thought Chere’ – that shows darlint that even though you write about ordinary things you are thinking of extraordinary things. My letters must always appear ordinary to you in most parts if you think like that, but I have to tell you everything that happens. I feel I must. I always want to and those things are always ordinary to me. Things are always the same – the same old round – unless you are in England and then its a different world – a joyous world that hurts at the same time.

You say you thought you were going to hear nothing from me except that first letter, and you felt that is all you deserved Darlint, to me such a thing is never a thought really. Whatever I feel about not hearing from you at any time, I think would never influence me to not write to you. All I think and feel – if I want to – and darlint I always want to. I know I said once that ‘I’d never talk to you again’ – but darlint you really dont think I mean it do you because I dont. If I didnt hear from you for a whole trip – unless you told me not to – I should still talk to you and try to do my share if I felt I wanted to.

Darlint, if you don’t deserve a thing (and I dont think that will really ever be so) you will always know that because you dont deserve it – you will always get it. Does this sound contrary? Mother wasnt a bit cross about the Cigarettes in fact she laughed it off as a huge joke and said I had three yesterday and they didnt hurt me. Yes darlint about the writer and K 5, I did laugh to myself – thats why I told you but I dont like laughing by myself. I want you to be there to laugh with me.

Just those little jokes all to ourselves.

Yes, you are a bully – but sometimes – only sometimes I like it. I like being told to do this by you. I didnt like you to bully me about a wet fur collar tho’, darlint.

I read the copy to your Mother and thought when I was reading it ‘what a pedestal he is on when he is writing this and I am the only one that can fetch him down but when I came to the last two paragraphs I thought ‘this is more like the boy I know – not like the shell.’ I’m glad you softened a bit.

I have returned copy – thank you darlint. The part that hurt most was ‘that woman.’

I could hear the tone in which it was said and it hurts such a lot – I had to cry altho I tried not to. Why didn’t you tell me that on Thursday? there would have been time then for you to kiss all that hurt away and now I shall retain it until you come back.

You didn’t mention anything about what I wrote regarding your Sister. Why not?

Darlingest boy – is she your Mother any judge of whether ‘I’m no good,’ and if she is has she any right to judge me. Whether she or anyone I knew were good or bad I shouldn’t judge them.

Darlint I love you such lots and lots and the mail to-day made it more – by that mail I knew you loved me more – yes, more than you did.

It must be au revoir until Aden now – Je suis faché you have to wait such a long time to talk with me but darlint I am always with you wondering what you are doing and feeling and loving you every minute of always.

PEIDI.

Dont keep this piece.

About the Marconigram – do you mean one saying Yes or No, because I shant send it darlint I’m not going to try any more until you come back.

I made up my mind about this last Thursday.

He was telling his Mother etc. the circumstances of my ‘Sunday morning escapade’ and he puts great stress on the fact of the tea tasting bitter ‘as if something had been put in it’ he says. Now I think whatever else I try in it again will still taste bitter – he will recognise it and be more suspicious still and if the quantity is still not successful – it will injure any chance I may have of trying when you come home.

Do you understand?

I thought a lot about what you said of Dan.

Darlint, don’t trust him – I don’t mean don’t tell him anything because I know you never would – What I mean is don’t let him be suspicious of you regarding that – because if we were succesful in the action – darlint circumstances may afterwards make us want many friends – or helpers and we must have no enemies – or even people that know a little too much. Remember the saying, ‘A little knowledge is a dangerous thing.’

Darlint we’ll have no one to help us in the world now and we mustnt make enemies unnecessarily.

He says – to his people – he fought and fought with himself to keep conscious – ‘I’ll never die, except naturally – I’m like a cat with nine lives’ he said and detailed to them an occasion when he was young and nearly suffocated by gas fumes.

I wish we had not got electric light – it would be easy.

I’m going to try the glass again occasionally – when it is safe Ive got an electric light globe this time.

LETTER
Envelope – Mr F. Bywaters, P. & O.  R.M.S. ‘Morea,’ Bombay, India
Postmark – London, E.C., Apr. 12^th, 1.30 p.m., 1922 .
[Wednesday 12^th April 1922]

I just wanted to write a few lines to you darlint, before we close here for the holidays – from Thursday 1 oc till Tuesday 10 oc.

Friday – Saturday – Sunday – Monday – 4 whole days darlint with nothing whatever to do but think, & only you can know what those thoughts will be.

If I only had all that time to spend with you darlint can you imagine what it would be like – I cant & can’t possbly imagine such a long time – I suppose it would only seem like 4 hours – instead of which it will now seem like 4 years – but perhaps it wont always be like it, eh – I’m going on hoping so – hoping hard – are you too? You havent given up yet, have you? please dont darlint?

We’re fearfully busy here – I was here till 7 the last 2 nights & still we have such a lot to do before the holidays –.

Darlingest boy – I love you such a lot & want you such a lot oh so badly – why arent you here to hold me tightly & make me feel how much you love me – its such a starving sort of feeling darlint – just living on a picture.

I do want you so much – I want comforting darlint & only you can do that for

PEIDI.

LETTER ***
[Exhibit 18]
Envelope – Mr F. Bywaters, P. & O.  R.M.S. ‘Morea,’ Aden
[Postmark – London, E.C., Apr. 24, 1922, 5.30 p.m.; Aden, 7 May 1922]
[Friday 21^st April 1922]

Palm Court, Waldorf Hotel, Aldwych, as Edith knew it

I think I’ll tell you about the holidays darlint – just what I did – do you want to know? or will you say its all ordinary common place talk – I suppose it is – but after I have discussed the ordinary things, I may be able to really talk to you. On Thursday we left at 1 and I went to the Waldorf to lunch and stayed on until the dance tea – I only danced once – a fox trot – I don’t feel a bit like dancing darlint – I think I must be waiting for you. We left the Waldorf at 6.20 and met Avis at 6.30 and went with her to buy a costume – getting home about 9.

On Friday I worked hard all day starting that ‘Good Old fashioned English housewife’s occupation of spring cleaning,’ not because I liked doing it – or believe in it, but because I had nothing else to do and it helped to pass the time away. I started about 9.30 and went to wash and dress about 20 to 6 -.

Dad took us to the E. H. Palace to the Sunday League Concert in the evening and we stopped the night at 231.

East Ham Palace as Edith knew it © René Weis

In return for this I booked for us all at Ilford Hippodrome on Saturday. The show was good and the girl – in nurses uniform appearing with Tom Edwards sang ‘He makes me all fussed up.’⁷The East Ham Palace Theatre next to East Ham station was built in 1906 and demolished in 1958

Tom Edwards the ventriloquist

Of course Avis remarked about you and the song, also Molly was sitting behind us with another girl and a boy – is she affected in her conversation? She was very much on Saturday, and I wondered if it was put on for my special benefit.

Avis came back to stay the rest of the holiday with us. By the way, we, (she and I) had a cup of tea in bed on Sunday – we always do when she is stopping with us.

Mother and Dad came over to me to dinner – I had plenty to do. On Monday [Bank Holiday] Mr. and Mrs. Birnage came to tea and we all went to the Hippodrome in the evening. By the way – what is ‘Aromatic Tincture of Opium’ – Avis drew my attention to a bottle of this sealed in the medicine chest in your room.

I took possession of it and when he missed it and asked me for it – I refused to give it him – he refuses to tell me where he got it and for what reason he wanted it – so I shall keep it till I hear from you.

I used the ‘light bulb’ three times but the third time – he found a piece – so I’ve given it up – until you come home.

Do you remember asking me to get a duplicate of something -. I have done so now.

On Sunday we were arguing about the price of ‘Cuticura’. Avis is quite certain when she bought it, not for herself, (her own words) it was 101/2. Mother said when she bought it for you it was 1/- and I said the same.

The remark was passed – ‘you all in turn seemed to have bought it for him.’

I had another mysterious parcel this Easter – a large gold foil egg filled with chocolate about 2 lbs. by the weight – still with no word or even a name attached, posted in the City E.C.2. to 168. I suppose it’s from the same source as the Xmas parcel – but I haven’t and shan’t acknowledge it. What did you think of ‘Edwina’s Shoes’?

Darlint, do you like this term of endearment. I shan’t tell you why I ask, but you’ll probably notice it one of these days, ‘Carissima.’

Thank you for sending back the time table, darlint, but why do you think I might want it – when you are away – you know very well I shant – why did you say that? I understand the wire now – but I certainly didn’t read it like that at the time, won’t the Post Office put a full stop mark then?

I had a funny dream the other night darlint – you had taken me out somewhere and saw me home and persisted in coming in.

Eventually you and I slept in your little bed – in the morning I woke early and went into the big room and found Harold was sleeping with him – you were unbolting the front door in your pyjamas to get out quickly when he came down the stairs, so you went into Mrs. Lester’s room. She didn’t like it a bit and you thought you had better make a clean breast of it and came up to him and told him what had happened – there was a fight – I don’t remember how it went – in [sic] Dad and Mother were there with him and they had been discussing things and wouldn’t let me stop there I don’t know what became of me or of you.

I’ve been reading a very very interesting book, darlint, I want you to read it after me and give me your opinion – not just a few lines and then ‘Dismissed’ – but your real opinion of every one of note in the book. Read and remember it carefully will you? pour moi.

It’s called ‘The Fruitful Vine’ by Robert Hichens, and it’s very very nice and the subject is interesting – not lovely – like the ‘Common Law’ or ‘The Business of Life’ – it’s too sensual for that but ‘the one act’ in the book would lead to hours and hours of discussion – even now I have finished it – I am not sure whether she did right or wrong and I am not sure which man I really liked – one man was calm strong and clean – not sensual at all but selfish, very, and the other was absolutely different, – sensual, a lover in every sense of the word and yet I liked him at least I liked heaps of things about him and connected with him – lots of his little speeches – actions.

You must tell me everything you think about it, it’s rather long 500 pages and there are several passages that I have marked – some I have queried for you to answer others I have just marked – because they have struck me as being interesting to us, or to me, I’m very anxious to know what you think of it, what shall I do with the book? – send it to you?

I think I have never found it so difficult to talk to you before all the times you have been away – I am just dried up waiting to see you and feel you holding me.

It is Friday now and altho I had a mail in from you – about 11.30 – I still don’t feel like talking darlint, I’m not disappointed – not a little bit – in fact I’m pleased – ever so pleased – at the difference when I shall read all you say to me I feel you are with me – just looking at me and telling me and telling me all those thing about yourself and it feels lovely darlint – so different from before and I wonder if its going to last – or shall I have a letter from Plymouth saying ‘I’m not going to answer your questions Peidi and I don’t mind if you are cross about it.’ Youre not going to say that any more are you? – darlint please don’t, I said I wouldn’t ask again didn’t I, but I’m doing so – you see, I don’t mind what you think – all I know and feel is that I love you so much – I must go on asking and asking not minding whether my pride is hurt – always asking until you consent.

Darlint do you remember being very proud once? I remember and I gave way first – write and tell me if you remember the incident and what it was.

Its not going to happen again tho’is it? Mr. Carlton said to me at 11.30 to-day –‘I have news from your brother for you’ – I wasn’t thinking of the mail being in and said ‘How have you got news?’ and he just gave me your envelope. I thought the remark rather strange and can’t quite make out if he really thought it was from my brother – or was being sarcastic. You get into Bombay to-day – just 5 more weeks – I wish they’d fly.

I had a doctor’s bill in yesterday – I took it in myself as it happened so of course I kept and shall pay it myself – without saying it is even in and then there can be no question of who’s to pay it can there.

You want me to pay it, don’t you darlint – I shall do so.

Why that passage in your last letter. The last time we met, we were pals, weren’t we Chere?, why the question darlint if you had wanted to write it, you should have stated it as a fact.

Of course we were pals, we always are and always will be, while this life lasts – whatever else happens and alters our lives – for better or for worse – for either or for both of us we shall always remain that darlint – don’t ask me the question again – it hurts.

On Saturday we went to the dinner party at the Birnages’ – it was a very posh affair for a private house – full course dinner and she cooked everything herself – I think she is awfully clever.

Sidney Birnage, his wife Constance Metcalfe at 21, and Constance Birnage with her daughter when Edith Thompson knew her.

Yesterday I thought I should have gone mad with faceache – I took 24 Aspirins – in 6 lots of 4 during the day and made a pillow of thermagene at night – I didn’t get a scrap of sleep tho’.

Has your pain gone darlint? I think I must have left it with me, I thought I might get a letter from Suez to-day otherwise I wouldn’t have come up to town to-day.

I think I want you here to take care of me – it seems more than ever before – shall be so glad when we get nearer the 26^th May, just that darlint nothing more.

PEIDI.

LETTER ***
[Exhibit 19]
[Envelope – Mr. F. Bywaters, P.&O. R.M.S. ‘Morea’, Port Said]
[Postmark – London, E.C., [Monday] May 1, 1922, 6.15 p.m.]

Darlingest Boy I know,

If you were to hear me talk now you would laugh, I’m quite positive and I should be angry – I’ve got practically no voice at all – just a little very high up, squeak.

It started with a very sore throat and then my voice went – it doesn’t hurt now – the throat is better but it sounds so funny. I feel like laughing myself altho you’d laugh darlint you’d be very kind wouldn’t you? and just take care of me. I know you would without asking or you answering – but you can answer because I like to hear you say it.

About those fainting fits darlint, I don’t really know what to say to you.

I’m beginning to think it’s the same as before – they always happen 1^st thing in the morning – when I’m getting up and I wasn’t ill as I should have been last time, altho’ I was a little – but not as usual.

What shall I do about it darlint, if it is the same this month – please write and tell me I want to do just what you would like.

I still have the herbs.

‘I like her she doesn’t swear’.

This is what you write – do you like her because she doesn’t swear or was that bit an afterthought. I’m wondering what you really think of a girl – any girl – even me who says – damn and a few stronger words sometimes – or don’t these words constitute swearing as you hear it.

Of course I was glad you did as you did with her. I should never be glad at any other way darlint, whatever the object or the end in view.

Talking about ‘Felix’ darlint can’t say I was disappointed in the end because I didn’t expect very much of him. You say you expected him to do a lot for Valeria – I didn’t – he was too ordinary – too prosaic to do anything sensational – he’d do anything in the world for her if it hadn’t caused comment but when it did – he finished. Do you remember the railway station scene when her husband appeared, and took command of the proceedings. Felix was nowhere and he allowed himself not only to go home, but to be ordered to go home by Mr. Ismay. What were your feelings for Mr. Ismay – did you like him? About the word you starred – I can’t say I actually know the meaning of the word only of course I guess but you can tell me darlint. I certainly shan’t ask anyone else.

Darlint isn’t this a mistake ‘Je suis gache, ma pauvre petite amie.’ This is how you wrote it.

I was glad you think and feel the same way as I do about the ‘New Forest.’ I don’t think we’re failures in other things and we mustn’t be in this. We mustn’t give up as we said. No, we shall have to wait if we fail again. Darlint, Fate can’t always turn against us and if it is we must fight it – You and I are strong now. We must be stronger. We must learn to be patient. We must have each other darlint. Its meant to be I know I feel it is because I love you such a lot – such a love was not meant to be in vain. It will come right I know one day, if not by your efforts some other way. We’ll wait eh darlint, and you’ll try and get some money and then we can go away and not worry about anybody or anything. You said it was enough for an elephant. Perhaps it was. But you don’t allow for the taste making only a small quantity to be taken. It sounded like a reproach was it meant to be?

Darlint I tried hard – you won’t know how hard – because you weren’t there to see and I can’t tell you all – but I did – I did want you to believe I did for both of us.

You will see by my last letter to you I havn’t forgotten the key [is this the key to Carlton & Prior for trysting after hours?] and I didn’t want reminding – I didn’t forget that – altho’ I did forget something last time, didn’t I, although it was only small.

We have changed our plans about Llandudno – it is too expensive we are going to Bournemouth July 8^th, and while Avis was over last night he asked her to come with us. The suggestion was nothing to do with me – it was his entirely and altho’ I wouldn’t have suggested such a thing for the world – I’m glad – because if things are still the same and we do go – a third party helps to make you forget that you always lead the existence we do.

Au revoir for the week end darlint.

 The mail was in this morning and I read your letter darlint, I cried – I couldn’t help it – such a lot it sounded so sad I cried for you I could exactly feel how you were feeling – I’ve felt like that so often and I know.

I was buoyed up with the hope of the ‘light bulb’ and I used a lot – big pieces too – not powdered – and it has no effect – I quite expected to be able to send that cable – but no – nothing has happened from it and now your letter tells me about the bitter taste again. Oh darlint, I do feel so down and unhappy.

Wouldn’t the stuff make pills coated together with soap and dipped in liquorice powder – like Beechams – try while you’re away. Our Boy had to have his thumb operated on because he had a piece of glass in it that’s what made me try that method again – but I suppose you say he is not normal, I know I feel I shall never get him to take a sufficient quantity of anything bitter. No I haven’t forgotten the key [see above] I told you before.

Darlint two heads are better than one is such a true saying. You tell me not to leave finger marks on the box – do you know I did not think of the box but I did think of the glass or cup whatever was used. I wish oh I wish I wish I could do something.

Darlint, think for me, do. I do want to help. If you only knew how helpless and selfish I feel letting you do such a lot for me and I doing nothing for you. I always show you how much I love you for all you do for me. Its a terrible feeling darlint to want – really Want to give all and everything, and not to be able to give a tiny little thing – just thro’ circumstances.

You asked me if Deborah described her feelings rightly when she was talking about Krillet making love to her.

Darlingest, boy, I don’t think all the feelings can be put on paper because there are not words to describe them. The feeling is one of repugnance, loathing not only the person but of yourself– and darlint when you think of a man and a woman jointly wrote that book it’s not feasible that the words used would be bad enough to express the feelings. The man Author wouldn’t allow the woman Author to talk too badly of Krillet – do you think? I still think that nobody can express the feelings – I’m sure I couldn’t – but they are there, deeply rooted and can never be plucked out as circumstances now are unless they (the circumstances) change. Did you notice any similarity in 2 girls names in two books that you recently read and the utter dissimilarity in their natures (I don’t think I spelt that word rightly) I didn’t know that you would be in London a month this time – altho I had a little idea.

That month – I can’t bear to think of it a whole four weeks and things the same as they are now. All those days to live thro for just one hour in each.

All that lying and scheming and subterfuge to obtain one little hour in each day – when by right of nature and our love we should be together for all the 24 in every day.

Darlint don’t let it be – I can’t bear it all this time – the pain gets too heavy to bear – heavier each day – but if things were different what a grand life we should start together. Perhaps we could have that one week: I could be ill from shock – More lies – but the last. Eh darlint.

Do experiment with the pills while you are away – please darlint.

No we two – two halves – have not yet come to the end of our tether’. Don’t let us.

I’m sorry I’ve had to use this piece of paper but the pad was empty – I sent the boy for a fresh one and they will have none in until tomorrow.

We have started on the 5^th week of your absence now – each week seems longer than the last and each day the length of two.

Do you know darlint that the Saturday I usually have off when you are home is Whit Saturday and I shan’t be able to see you nor on the Monday following.

Three whole days – and you so near and yet so far – it mustn’t be darlint – we mustn’t let it somehow.

Good bye now darlint I can’t write any more. You said you have a lump – so have I in fact its more than a lump now.

Good bye until Marseilles next week. I do always love you and think of you.                                                                                                                                                                                                                          PEIDI.

LETTER ***
[Exhibit 21]
[Envelope – Mr. F. Bywaters, P.O. R.M.S. ‘Morea’, Marseilles, France]
[Postmark – London, E. C. [Monday] 15 May, ’22, 5.30pm]
[Thursday 4^th May 1922]

My very own darlingest boy,

I received the mail this morning – but am not going to answer it yet – I’ve got several other things I want to tell you, and talk to you as well. I had no time to read your letter alone, so what do you think I did darlint. I got on top of a bus – back seat by myself and went to Hyde Park Corner in my lunch hour and read it. I couldn’t stop in – in the lunch hour – it was such a glorious day in fact it has been a beautiful week end – warm and sunny – quite warm enough to wear very thin clothes and not feel cold. I do love this weather it’s not too hot yet – but even when it is I’m not going to grumble – this winter has been terribly long and cold, and lonely. Do you know darlint I won 30/- on Paragon in the City and Sub and lost 20/- in each of the 2000 gns. 1000 gns. and the Jubilee. Money was never made to stop with me.

When you’ve been in England have you ever seen ‘Les Rouges et Noirs.’ They are all ex-soldiers – running a concert party – like the Co-Optimists and impersonating girls as well as men.

Reg Stone, star of ‘Les Rouges et Noirs’, 1921

Men usually dressed as women – especially in evening dress – look ridiculous – but they were splendid – very clever and very funny – I did laugh such a lot – it was really dancing through the hours. We went with Mr. and Mrs. Birnage. He made him an agent for the Sun Life privately and now draws commission on any policies he gets – it has been about £750 premiums up to now and he draws 1% on some and ½% on others. Miss Prior’s sister lost her husband quite suddenly and as I happen to be her stamp – Miss Prior asked me to go up west and buy some mourning for her – a costume – a silk frock and a cloth frock – jumper – shoes stockings and gloves. It was a nice job, and when I got back – there were some widow hats with veils at the back and nobody including Miss Prior had the pluck to try them on – they all say it its unlucky – so because of it being unlucky to them I thought it might be lucky to me and tried them all on.

I think they all think terrible things are going to happen to me now – but darlint I am laughing I wonder who will be right, they or I? Talking about bad luck – Mother came over to hang some clean curtains for me and in moving the dressing table – the cheval glass came off the pivot and smashed the glass in a thousand pieces – This is supposed to mean bad luck for 7 years – I am wondering if its for us (you and I) or her. What do you think about it? Darlint I’ve bought a skirt – cream gabardine – pleated to wear with a sports coat – It looks lovely – are you pleased?

Do you know the skirts are going to be worn longer?

I shall have to wear mine a wee bit longer – if I don’t want to be hopelessly old fashioned – but it won’t be very much, will you mind? On Friday Mr. Birnage came up and took me out to lunch again. I left him at 2 – and was astonished when at 4 p.m. they said a gentleman wanted to see me upstairs – and on going up found it was him waiting to take me out for tea. I went – but I didn’t really want to – I shan’t go too often darlint. You said you were home for a month this time – does that mean that you are going to sail on the 23^rd June.

Darlint I hope not – I do so want to be with you – even if its only for a little while on June 27^th 1922. Our first real birthday. Are you getting in on the Friday again this time?

You mentioned about a boy and a girl and a chocolate incident in one of your letters – you said ‘I smiled and thought a lot’ what did you think – you didn’t tell me and I want to know.

Darlingest boy – I like Montelimont as well as Turkish Delight ‘Cupboard Love’ did you say? I am glad you didn’t like Waring – I thought perhaps you might – just a little – I didn’t a bit. I was cross with Deborah – several times darlint – especially for sending him away that first time but I admired so much the will power she had to do so – didn’t you? You say ‘Deborah’ was more natural than ‘Maria’. No I don’t think so – they were two very different types – but both were absolutely natural according to their mode of living. Deborah was primitive – Maria civilised more – but both natural – darlint don’t give ‘Maria’s’ place in you to anyone ellse. Admire others as much but not more, pour moi – I loved Maria and I admired Deborah.

I don’t know whether Avis liked the books or not – but if you asked her why she did or did not she couldn’t say, could she do you think – she couldn’t discuss each character we do – she wouldn’t remember enough about them – she would only remember the general theme of the book – so why ask? Yes I like Desboro (in the Business of Life) mostly – why should we not agree about him darlint – I should like to argue with you over him – shall we? Yes and when?

In a book I have just read which I am going to lend you there are two characters – whom you and I must copy – only if things are never got to be right darlint if they are always as they are now – I want you to remember what I have written. I shall be like and do what Dolores does and you must do what Cesare does – Of course what I do will be from a different motive from Dolores and you must fight like Cesare – but darlint don’t ever let go – keep tight hold – bring up and take care of pour moi and then it wont matter much what happens. I shall have given you something for you only – my all.

You will probably wonder what I am rambling about – I shan’t tell you I shall wait until you read the book and then you will find out for yourself. To-day its 3 weeks before you’re in England – I’m trying to get thro the time – without letting it feel too hard – only I hope you will hurry to England.

Exhibit 21a

 

 

 

 

LETTER ***
[Exhibit 22]
[Envelope – Mr. F. Bywaters, P.O. R.M.S. ‘Morea’, Marseilles, France]
[Postmark – London, E.C., [Thursday] 18 May, ’22, 2.30 p.m.]
[from Wednesday 10^th May – ]

‘It must be remembered that digitalin is a cumulative poison, and that the same dose harmless if taken once, yet frequently repeated, becomes deadly.’

Darlingest Boy,

The above passage I’ve just come across in a book I am reading, ‘Bella Donna’ by Robert Hichens. Is it any use? In your letter from Bombay you say you asked a lot of questions from Marseilles. I hope I answered them all satisfactory Darlint. I want to. I want to do always what will please you. I can’t remember all you asked. I have nothing to refer to everything is destroyed I don’t even wait for the next arrival now.

‘I’ll be practically true to you’ song, The Co-Optimists, Palace Theatre, 1922

About the Co-Optimists, I remember the song quite well and darlint, if you can only be practically true to me – I’d rather not have you at all and I won’t have you. Whats more now I’m the bully aren’t I? but it’s only fun darlint – laugh. Yes a lot pour moi. I’ve heard nothing at all from your Mother I’ve seen your sister several times. Darlingest boy you must never question me still being here. However hard (even the hardest you can possibly imagine) things are, while you still say ‘B B Peidi’ I shall hang on – just, because you want me to and tell me to. Don’t ever question me again. You have often said a thing as a question when you have known it as a fact. Why is that Darlint? Don’t ever doubt. I’ll always love you – too much perhaps but always, and while you say stay I shall.

I shall ask you about the laugh in the Buffet, but when shall I? I’m not clear about what you write. Do you mean me to ask you when I see you this time or to wait until things are perhaps different. You say ‘I’m not bullying I’m deciding for you Chere.’ Darlint, that’s what I like. Not that hard tone ‘You must, you shall.’ But the softer tone I know you can use especially to me. Yes, I like you deciding things for me. I’ve done it so long for myself. Its lovely to be able to leave it all to someone I know will not go wrong – will do the right thing pour moi always. You will wont you darlint. I lean on you not on myself when you are here. Now I’ll talk a bit about the books ‘Beyond the Shadow.’ I did like [it] very much, only it was hardly a possible story do you think. Marian was an ideal woman and under her circumstances too ideal too unnatural too careful of other people’s opinions. It reminded me of the book you lent me ‘The Way of these Women.’ Do you remember the man and the woman who didn’t take their fate into their own hands although they could have done so easily. Too careful of the opinions of their so-called friends and the world. When Geoffrey remembered he should have taken her away mastered all her protests and carried her off. They were made for each other, he was married to another through no fault of his own. He had plenty of the most necessary thing money and he just drifted. Darlingest, Betty wasn’t a little fool she loved as much as her nature allowed and it wasn’t her fault but fate, that Geoffrey didn’t love her and because he didn’t (and he knew himself he didn’t) why did he marry her. For sensual reasons thats all – to gratify himself. He knew she worshipped him and he was flattered. I didn’t like him very much Marian was lovely. The few moments of joy she had with him before she died could never compensate her for her life utterly spoiled, but darlint ‘It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.’ Marian would not have liked any to have told Geoffrey of the incident before the accident. He would have asked her to marry him again, and she would have felt he was only doing it from duty and thats not a nice feeling to have darlint – for life, is it? I agree with you about Chambers endings darlint but the endings are not the story. The end is written to please nine out of ten people who read his books. You and I are the tenth and he doesn’t cater for us darlint, we are so few. Do as I do. Forget the ends lose yourself in the characters and the story and, in your own mind make your own end. Its lovely to do that darlint – try it, and you must not be scathing about a particular author that I like. I wont have it you hear me – I’m bullying you now. I’ll ruffle your hair darlint until you’re really cross. Will you be with me about anything ever?

Yes! We will be cross with each other and then make it up it will be lovely. I shall have to stop for a little while now darlint. I have a ton of work to do. I do hope we are not quite so busy when you are home. Au revoir for now darlint.

One more day has gone by – I’m counting the days now darlint. What are you doing now, I wonder its Thursday about 12 noon and I’ve squeezed 10 minutes to talk to you. Today is fearfully cold again and very windy – I hate wind. For the last 4 days it has been 82 shade and 112 sun and today shade temp. is down to 52 – what a country to live in – hurry up and take me away – to Egypt if you like – but anywhere where its warm.

The book I’m reading ‘Bella Donna’ is about Egypt – I’d think you’d be interested in it – although I don’t think you would like the book – at least I hope you wouldn’t – I don’t.

Do you remember telling me to do the ‘Scamp’ for the Derby? Well I was rather hard up that week – so only put on 5/- each way. I got 20 to 1 price.

Yesterday was the first time the ‘Scamp’ came out and it failed miserably at a mile – the papers say it is a non-stayer and made a very poor show and the price to-day is 33 to 1. What luck.

I don’t think I previously told you that old Mr. Lester – fell in the fire and gashed his head.

He was taken to the Hospital and is still there – that is 10 days ago. Reports at first said he wouldn’t live through each night – but he has recovered after all. Don’t some people exaggerate?

Darlint, I do feel so miserable today. I think its the weather – it has been so bright and sunny and makes you feel quite cheerful and today is cold and dull and I feel cold too – not in the flesh – in the body inside I mean – that sort of feeling that only one person in the world can alter for me – why aren’t you here to do it? I want you so badly to lean on and to take care of me to be kind and gentle and love me as only you can.

Goodbye darlingest boy – I’ll write again before the mail closes for Marseilles.                                                                                                                                                                      PEIDI.

Supposing I were to meet your mother in the street darlint, what should I do? What would you want me to do?

Answer this, please, particularly.           PEIDI.

When I asked you that question darlint I had already seen your Mother – but I really wanted to know what you would like me to have done.

As it was – I hardly knew what to do – I couldn’t pass her unrecognised without being absolutely rude so I just said ‘Let me smell, how are you?’ and passed on, I didn’t stop to shake hands. She had a large bunch of red roses in her arms and she had that tall man with her – I forget his name.

Seeing her with red roses reminded me of you darlint, you like red ones don’t you – you told me so once – so do I, but not as much as one flower theyre all finished now isnt it a shame. Ive taken the tussore to be made up darlint and was told that it was the best quality they have ever handled. Ive also had a new navy costume made. I dont think you will like it because its a long coat – but I bought a cream gaberdine skirt (not serge) to please you darling so I thought I could please myself this time. Am I right? I wonder if I shall wear the tussore costume with you darlint. I dont mean once or twice but always. I dont know I dont feel even optimistic about things I cant darling – not like I did before. That hand of fate is always held up at me blocking out the future. If I could only be certain? Darlingest boy pour moi be very very careful coming in this time. Things and people have become much more vigilant. Understand? I dont want to lose any tiny minute of you, they will probably be so few, but even a few is so much better than none at all remember that darlint. Im very very anxious to know if you are getting in on the Friday. I cant possibly wait over the week end – do let me know as soon as you can find out yourself. Bill got in on Friday [12 May 22] darlint about 3 p.m. home and came up to tea yesterday. We had it out in the garden. He started the conversation about —- and said if he knew where to plant it he would get some and we talked a lot about it. I wanted to change the conversation quickly but he would continue. On Saturday darlint I did something which you would have said made me look old – gardening all day. It passes the time away. Old Mr. Lester died last night.⁸Frank J. Lester was 82 when he died in May 1922. He was considerably older than his wife, Fanny Maria. The Lesters had lived at 41 Kensington Gardens since 1919. At the time of the tragedy Mrs Lester was 68 and her daughter Nora was 31 years old. It was the Lesters’ son who secured Freddy a berth with the P&O after being introduced to him by Percy. At the time Freddy was staying at the Graydons.

All their side of the house the blinds are drawn. I havnt drawn mine and Im not going to. I think they think Im a heathen. ‘Will it be under the year’ you say I wish I could be certain – feel certain – but I cant darlint. I keep on saying to myself ‘Yes! Yes! It must, it shall be ‘Yes,’ and I have that feeling deep down all the time that it will be ‘No’. Your letter today made me feel miserable darlint, I felt how much I wanted to be with you so that I could love you that ‘Mothering feeling’ came over me. You dont know what its like. I do love you so much – more than anyone can know. Is that how you feel? By now darlint you will have heard from me several times. Yesterday [Sunday 14 May] you passed Suez and got my Port Said letters. Im so sorry its a long time from Marseilles to Bombay, when you hear from me, but I cant do anything to help it can I darlint? You’ll be able to talk to me a long time this week to post at Marseilles because youll have all my letters to answer. Yes darlint, I want you and love you such a lot just as much as you do. I want you to hold me and kiss me. Yes always. When you do see me darlint you will, you must, darlint. It doesnt matter where we meet, perhaps a Buffet but it mustn’t matter, we mustn’t think of other people being there we must just live for each other in the first minute. Dont forget darlint. Dont just say how are you ‘Chere.’ It is so prosaic and we’re not are we?

I dont know whether Im sorry or pleased about you sailing on the 9^th. Its so hard to say now. If things are the same as now perhaps I shall be pleased. If we are successful I shall probably be sorry. I shall want you so much through that time I think. It will be awful to think of you miles away. Darlingest boy, get that ankle well quickly I do want to play tennis with you some time this year – dont bother about the blessed old football – it always makes it give out and isnt ankle spelt with a ‘K’ it looks so funny with a ‘c.’

All June – all July – all August – you’ll be home again Sept. 9. I wonder if we shall have that week together darlint, by the sea – Sept. isnt too late is it?

Ive got a real longing for you to take me to Tunbridge Wells. Ive only been there once and I did like it so much.

Could you take me darlint for a weekend – or even a day?

In one of your letters you say ‘and you are mine Peidi, arent you? I shall always try to keep you,’ darlingest boy what do you mean by that? Especially the last part, I dont understand it, will you tell me?

Of course Im yours – you know that, without the ? mark and why will you say these things in the form of a question when you know they are a fact – it hurts darlint.

Dont forget to tell me what you mean by the last part. I really want to know.

Goodbye darlingest boy – for now and Marseilles – the next letter to England – Hoorah! I do love you so much and miss you more than you can ever know – its the whole of me – all my life – just all I live for now.

PEIDI.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

LETTER ***
[Exhibit 51]
[Envelope – Mr. F. Bywaters, P.O. R.M.S. ‘Morea’]
[Postmark – London, 1922…. undecipherable]
[Monday 22^nd May 1922]

The mail is in darlint, but I havent had an opportunity to read it yet. Im fearfully busy. Miss Prior is in Paris and Ive tons to do, but darlint when Ive read it I will answer it, even if I have to give it to you by hand Im sure I shant have time to do it today and I do want you to get something from me at Plymouth – even if only a few lines. Friday, Ill see you shall I? Today to Friday four more days to live – no not live – exist thro. You are getting in Friday arent you darlint? Do say ‘Yes.’ Are you going to answer my letters to you at Marseilles please do darlint. I dont want you to say what you did last trip. You wont darlint because Ive asked you not to. On Saturday Mr. Carlton took me home by road. It wasnt his car but a friend of his. A real posh car youd have liked. Im afraid if Miss Prior knew she might want to give me the sack. However I shant tell her and Im sure he won’t. Also Bess and Reg came down quite unexpectedly on Sunday and we went for a ride from about 3 till 9.30.

Reg and Bessie Akam with daughter c .1922 © René Weis

Bess asked after you. Darlint I had a terrible shock when the Egypt went down Imagine what I felt can you? I have sent you a parcel to Plymouth containing 2 books ‘The Fruitful Vine’ and ‘Bella Donna.’ Read ’Bella Donna’ first will you please whilst you are in England if possible and keep ‘The Fruitful Vine’ until we are parted again. Also in the parcel is something I forgot last time. I dont suppose you really want it but because I promised and forgot I got it this time. Forgive me for forgetting. You have, havnt you darlint? And there is a packet of Toblerone. I bought two. Sent you one and kept the other myself. Will you eat it Thursday and I will mine. Darlingest boy will you send the enclosed P.C. as instructions attached in your name. I have sent one in mine or rather in my ‘used to name’ that sounds funny doesnt it. After all whats in a name. Nothing at all except ‘Peidi’. I saw your Mother again last Wednesday. I was with Harry Renton and behind her and purposely kept so.

It has been frightfully hot this weekend. The sun has been fierce and I dont want a neck like I had at Shanklin. I shall have to get a sunshade. What about Whit Saturday? We shan’t be able to be together. He doesnt go in. I thought of asking for a day off, say Wed the 31^st what do you think? Bill brought Miss Ashley home. Did you know? He says she is very mean. I saw Carpentier on the afternoon of his fight he was over the road at Pagets. The Police had to guard his car. He looks very lined and old for his age. Young Mr. Paget (you remember me telling you about him) says the fight was a frost and very unfair. Carpentier took an unfair advantage while the Referees were intervening. You wouldnt like me a bit today darlint. ‘Why’ did you say? Because Ive got my foulard frock on. Its so hot, and that reminds me the black frock with the white beads that I always wear when you take me out. I thought I would wear it out for every day this Summer. Its too conspicuous to keep for next winter and when I’ve got some spare cash Ill buy another frock for you to take me to dinner in, but I wont wear the black and white until you say I may, so write and tell me what you think also darlint, let me know about Wed. 31^st because I must give them a little notice as we are so busy. On Sunday I cooked a chicken my very first attempt at poultry. It was all very nice – I think – stuffing and bread sauce etc. and then a gooseberry pie. I thought about you the whole time and wished I had cooked it for you. Dont be too disappointed with this letter darlint, I havnt time to really talk to you, but I will and give it you when I see you. Its been a fearful rush to get even this in, and I do hate to rush when I’m talking to you, Au revoir darling for 4 more days. I love you such a lot – just so much – no more than you love PEIDI.

[on the back of the envelope: ‘Did you receive a pencil slip in letter to Marseilles.’]

LETTER ***
[Exhibit 23]
[Envelope – Mr. F. Bywaters, P.O. R.M.S. ‘Morea’, Plymouth]
[Postmark – London, May 23, 1922, 3 p.m.]
[Tuesday 23^rd May 1922]

So it wasnt G.M.M.C. it was G.A.M.C. this time darlint, I was surprised I got it at 4.20 p.m., Monday. Also I managed to read your letters … I dont know how tho’ … you are wrong about the scent quite … try and guess again … I dont use scent at home … other people smell it.

Darlint, one day last week I went out to Frascati for lunch and took one hour and 10 minutes … it was a fearful rush – it was a man that I have known for years by sight but never better until a few weeks ago … the usual type of man darlint … that expects some return for lunch. However, that doesnt matter, this is what I wanted to tell you … he wanted to buy a box of chocolates and I said ‘I’d rather you didnt thank you.’.

He – ‘Now what earthly difference is there in you accepting from me a box of chocolates to a lunch.’

I – ‘Oh its not that – its just that I don’t like chocolates.’

He – ‘Good God, you’re the first girl I’ve ever heard refuse chocolates that she didnt have to pay for. Are you sure you dont like them or is [this] a pose?’

Darlingest boy, what do you think of that? Can you imagine me posing especially over chocolates. However he ended up in buying me a pound of ‘Marrons Glace’. Have you ever had them, they are chestnuts in syrup, I really did enjoy them.

The Winter Garden restaurant in Frascati’s © Historic England Archive

Now about your letters … I cant say if you are right or wrong about Molly … I dont know her sufficiently to say and I do hate to judge other people by appearances. I’d much rather dismiss them from my thoughts altogether. I had already sent you 2 books to Plymouth darlint, the only two I have read since you’ve been away … I’d like you to read ‘Bella Donna’ first you may learn something from it to help us, then you can read ‘The fruitful Vine’ – when you are away. You say you think, I think, you dont talk enough about books and things to me. Darlingest boy I’m not going to say anything at all about anything – I’m just going to be thankful for what I do receive … think to myself … ‘I must not be impatient perhaps they wont always be crumbs.’ You havnt read a book with the term ‘Carissima’ in … at least not the book I have read it in. I do so much wonder if you will like ‘The Fruitful Vine,’ and who you will like in it – its quite different from anything I have ever read before. – Darlingest, you really must tell me all and everything you think about the book and the characters and especially the motive … I do want to know so much. Your news about – from Bombay – and waiting till next trip, made me feel very sad and downhearted – it will be awful waiting all that time, 3 months will it be – I cant wait … Yes, I can … I will, I must … I’ll make myself somehow … I’ll try to be patient darling. You talk about the cage you are in … that’s how I feel … only worse if it can be so … because mine is a real live cage with a keeper as well … to whom I have to account every day, every hour, every minute nearly.

‘The fate of every man have we bound about his neck’ (I dont know if I’ve got it quite right – you can tell me later on … but the meaning is right).

Have we darlint? Have we the fate of one – or we two halves I dont know – I darent think … its like making sand pies at the sea-side … they always topple over. We havnt fixed up anything about Bournemouth yet … they are too expensive for Avis and him … I dont care personally … I’d sooner not have a holiday … I really look forward with dread, not pleasure … I’ll always be thinking first of Shanklin and then of our tumble down nook.

I’m going to post this now and risk whether it gets to you in time, wire me how many letters you receive – there should be two – then I should have answered all yours darlint and shant have to give you anything by hand. I didn’t like the idea … but thought that it would be force of circumstances. I’ve got a feeling inside me … of sinking … do you know what its like … it’s a feeling of great excitement … probable excitement but not positive. Au revoir for such a short time that will seem so long till Friday.                                                                                                                                                                                            PEIDI.

FRIDAY 2 JUNE 1922 = CARLTON & PRIOR OUTING TO HORLEY:

Edith Thompson on start line and in sack race  © René Weis

 

 

 

TELEGRAM ***
[Exhibit 66]

Office of Origin – Barbican, London City
Office Stamp – Tilbury, [Tuesday] 6 June, 1922, Essex.

Handed in at 10.36. Received here at 10.52
To – Bywaters, Steamer Morea, Tilbury Dock.

Failed again perhaps 5 o’clock to-night.

TELEGRAM ***
[Exhibit 67]

Office of Origin – London, C.T.O.
Office Stamp – Tilbury, [Wednesday] 7 June, 1922, Essex.

Handed it at 12.34. Received here at 12.46
To – Bywaters, Steamer Morea, Tilbury Docks

Have already said not going 231 see you and talk six.

TELEGRAM ***
[Exhibit 68]

Office of Origin – London City, S.
Office Stamp – Tilbury, [Friday] 9 June, 1922, Essex.

Postage assured. Handed in at 9.35 p.m.
Received here at 10.a.m.
To – Bywaters, Steamer Morea, Tilbury Docks.

Send everything Fisher care G.P.O. call Monday. 

[FIFTH VOYAGE: Friday 9 June 1922 – Saturday 23 September 1922]

LETTER ***
[Exhibit 24]
[Envelope – Mr. F. Bywaters, P.O. R.M.S. ‘Morea’, Marseilles, France]
[Postmark – London, E.C., 13 June, ‘22, 4.30 p.m.]
[Monday 12^th  June 22]

Darlingest Boy,

I’m trying very hard – very very hard to B.B. I know my pal wants me to.

On Thursday – he was on the ottoman at the foot of the bed and said he was dying and wanted to – he had another heart attack – thro me.

Darlint I had to laugh at this because I knew it couldn’t be a heart attack.

When he saw this had no effect on me – he got up and stormed – I said exactly what you told me to and he replied that he knew that’s what I wanted and he wasnt going to give it to me – it would make things far too easy for both of you (meaning you and me) especially for you he said.

He said hed been to 231 and been told you had said you were taking a pal out and it was all a planned affair so was the last Thursday you were home and also Tuesday of last week at Fenchurch Street – he told them at 231 a pal of his saw us and by the description he gave of the man I was with it was you.

Thats an awful lie darlint because I told him I went to F St. for Mr. Carlton and saw Booth and spoke to him and I asked him the next day if Booth mentioned me and he said no – nothing at all.

We’re both liars he says and you are making me worse and he’s going to put a stop to all or any correspondence coming for me at 168. He said ‘Its useless for you to deny he writes to you – because I know he does’ – hence my wire to you regarding G.P.O.

He also says I told him I wrote to you asking you not to see me this time – he knows very well I said last time – but I think he has really persuaded himself I said this time.

I rang Avis yesterday and she said he came down there in a rage and told Dad everything – about all the rows we have had over you – but she did not mention he said anything about the first real one on August 1^st – so I suppose he kept that back to suit his own ends. Dad said it was a disgraceful thing that you should come between husband and wife and I ought to be ashamed. Darlint I told you this is how they would look at it – they dont understand and they never will any of them.

Dad was going to talk to me Avis said – but I went down and nothing whatever was said by any of them. I told Avis shd tell them off if they said anything to me I didnt go whining to my people when he did things I didnt approve of and I didnt expect him to – but however nothing was said at all.

Dad said to them ‘ What scandal if it should get in the papers’ so evidently he suggested drastic measures to them.

On Friday night I said I was going to sleep in the little room – we had a scuffle – he succeeded in getting into the little room and on to the bed – so I went into the bathroom and stopped there for ½ an hour – he went downstairs then and I went into the little room quickly – locked the door and stopped there all night – I shd have continued to do so – but even [in] a little thing like that Fate was against us – because Dad was over on Sat. and asked me if he could stay the night – suggested he should sleep with him in the big bed – but Dad would not hear of it – so sooner than make another fuss – I gave in.

On Saturday he told me he was going to break me in somehow – I have always had too much of my own way and he was a model husband – and in future on Thursdays the bedroom was to be cleaned out.

He also told me he was going to be master and I was to be his mistress and not half a dozen men’s (his words). I don’t exactly know how to take this – Darlint, do you know Avis said to me – Miss M’Donald saw you with Freddy last week – of course I denied it – but she described my frock – anyhow it turned out to be on Wed. – so of course it was all right – but you see – we are seen and by people who know us and can’t hold their tongues. Avis said she was upset because you had gone for good – she said she could hardly realise it. She also said he said at 231 ‘I thought he was keen on you (Avis) – but now I can see it was a blind to cover his infatuation for Edie’.

Darlint it’s not an infatuation is it? Tell me it isn’t.

I don’t think there is anything else. Heaps of little things were said that I can’t remember but you can judge what they were – because you know me and him.

I’m writing a letter to Marseilles darlint – this is only a summary of events.

LETTER ***
[Exhibit 53]
[Envelope – Mr. F. Bywaters, P. & O. R.M.S. ‘Morea’, Marseilles, France]
[Postmark – London, E.C., 14 June, 1922]
[Tuesday 13^th June 22]

Darlint Pal,

Ive come to the conclusion that you and I do absolutely mad things especially I.

I never have a thought about having those letters sent to G.P.O. I called there on Monday and was told that unless I could prove I was Miss P. Fisher I couldnt have them.

I thought, this a devil of a mess and wondered what to do.

Eventually I decided to have some cards printed (this cost me 6/6) dont laugh, darlint and I also got Rosie [Rose Jacobs] to address an envelope to me at 168 in the name of Fisher.

The card and envelope I showed to the man at the G.P.O. today – fortunately it was a different man from yesterday. Darlint I think it would be best to address all letters there until I tell you otherwise, dont you? The watch I received quite safely darlint – you say in your letter it goes 10 minutes a day fast this isnt right is it? It should be slow.

However yesterday I took it back and they promised to put it in order for me. I shall probably send it to Sydney – is this what you wish. Also the cheque I received but not until today of course – I will try and cash it tomorrow and let you know the result. In any case I will put the money out on the Hunt Cup for you and for me. The Oaks money has not been paid out – I dont think we shall get it – at all – Jim tells me the man got 7 days for obstructing the Police and he (Jim) cant get hold of him now. Have also sent what you asked me for – hope you get it safely.

Darlingest boy, dont forget to answer the note I gave you on your last night in England. Ill feel much happier if I know. Im so glad youre not sorry this time, no Im not a bit. I really begin to feel that I am doing something just a little for you  – not exactly doing something for you but giving you something – a part of me, for you and no one else – write and tell me that not only are you not sorry this time but youre glad, really glad – because I am.

Mr Carlton likes my hair cut – he noticed it, and told me so immediately he saw me, I told you nobody but Lily did, didnt I – do you? you never said.

Lily Vellender, summer 1920 © René Weis

I wonder how my own pal is feeling – I’m feeling very blue myself – an inactive sort of drifting feeling, that cant be described – I suppose its really reaction – Im longing to hear from you next Monday – I hope its a lot.

On our birthday you will be left Aden on your way to Bombay – you’ll be thinking of a girl whose best pal you are in England wont you – Ill think of you – all day every little minute – and keep on wishing you success as I cant be – Perhaps you can and as you say you are still hoping darlint – so shall I. Time hangs so dreadfully and just because I want to work it away we are not busy this week and are leaving at five. I suppose we shall thro the Summer now. Darlint, how can you get ptomaine poisoning from a tin of salmon? One of our boys Mother has died with it after being ill only three days.

One year ago today we went for that memorable ride round the island in the char-a-banc do you remember? Last night when I went to bed I kissed you goodnight in my mind because that was the first time you kissed me.

Darlint this month and next are full of remembrances – arnt they?

I went to 49 last night and sat and listened to ailments for about 2 hours – its awfully exhilarating especially when you feel blue. I also had a small row with them. He asked why Graham never came to see us and I said ‘Why do you ask for him to come round when you know he’s not allowed to.’

This led to words of course and I was told that neither his mother nor his Father would tell him not to speak to me – my retort was that I knew his Father would not but It would take more than any of them to convince me his mother would not, and I wish to God I didnt have to go there – I feel really bad tempered when I come away.

I was taken faint in the train this morning – I didnt quite go off though – On Saturday I’m going to see a Doctor, I think it is best that I should – I dont like doing these silly things in public places – I’ve got my costume home – it looks very nice – Im ever so pleased with it – but I dont want to wear it – I wish you could see me in it – what would you like me to do? Next week I’ll be writing to the other end of the world to you darlint – I wish you didnt ever have to leave England, even if I didnt see you I should feel happier and safe because you would be near – but the sea and Australia sounds years and years apart. I do so much want my pal to talk to and confide in and my own man to lean upon sometimes.

Have just come from the Bank. They cashed the cheque for me after a difficulty – asked me if I was F. Bywaters – I thought it best to tell the truth as they might ask me to write signature, so I said ‘No’. ‘Did you endorse the back? ‘No’ – ‘Just write your name on this paper please.’ I did so, and they then asked me what authority I had from F Bywaters to cash the cheque. I had your letter with me – showed it to them – and they paid out. So much for that incident – What a mess we do get into!

I shall have to close now, darlint, goodbye until Sydney – I always loved my only Pal and I do love so much my own boy – think of this all the time you are in Australia – I shall be thinking of you and wishing you were with

PEIDI.

[written in pencil on plain envelope]

Varzy 1^st
Stratford 2d
Crubenmore 3^rd

Darlint,
We must give up horse racing.
We have lost between us:
30/ – each way Scamp
20/ –  ………… Montserrat
10/-  …………. Pondoland
(£6)

And won about 10/ – on Crubenmore on which I had 2/6 each way for luck.
I used £3.10. 0 from cheque, 30/- from my own money and 20/- from Derby winnings for the £6, so I have the £5 untouched.
Don’t send me any more money please darlint.
Goodbye and good luck.
always,

PEIDI

LETTER ***
[Exhibit 25]
[Postmark London June 20, 1922: 1.30 p.m.]

Darlingest Boy I know,

This time last year I had won the sweep stake for the Gold Cup, this year I have lost £1: 10/ – eh way Kings Idler and the result is Golden Myth at 7 to 1, Flamboyant 20 to 1, and Ballyheron 8 to 1. I’m not going to bet any more – even in horse racing the fates are against me.

You get into Marseilles tonight. I wonder how you’re feeling darlint, very blue – or not feeling anything at all – just drifting – its hard either way isn’t it?

I wish you had taken me with you darlint – I don’t think I will be able to stay on here all alone – there seems so much to contend with – so long to ‘dance’ when you’d rather die and all for no definite purpose. Oh, I’ll pack up now, I can’t talk cheerfully – so I shan’t talk at all. Goodnight darlint.

It’s Friday now, darlint, nearly time to go. I am wondering if you remember what your answer was to me in reply to my ‘What’s the matter’ tonight of last year.

I remember quite well – ‘You know what’s the matter, I love you’ … but you didn’t then darlint, because you do now and its different now, isn’t it? From then onwards everything has gone wrong with our lives – I don’t mean to say it was right before – at least mine wasn’t right – but I was quite indifferent to it being either right or wrong and you darlint – you hadn’t any of the troubles  – or the worries you have now – you were quite free in mind and body – and now through me you are not – darlint, I am sorry I shouldn’t mind if I could feel that some day I should be able to make up to you for all the unhappiness I have caused in your life – but I can’t feel that darlint – I keep on saying to myself that ‘it will – it shall come right’ – but there is no conviction behind it – why can’t we see into the future?

When you are not near darlint I wish we had taken the easiest way – I suppose it is because I can’t see you – can’t have you to hold me and talk to me – because when you are in England I always want to go on trying and trying and not to give up – to see and feel you holding me – is to hope on, and when I can’t have that I feel a coward. The days pass – no they don’t pass, they just drag on and on and the end of all this misery and unhappinesss is no nearer in sight – is anything worth living for?

There are 2 halves in this world who want nothing on earth but to be joined together and circumstances persistently keep them apart – nothing is fair – nothing is just – we can’t even live for ourselves – can we?

I suppose the week end will pass somehow – the only thought that helps is that you will talk to me on Monday.

Goodbye darlingest boy – I do wish you were here.

Its Monday now darlint, that day you came up and took me to lunch at the Kings Hall [in the Holborn Restaurant], do you remember?

Things are very quiet here and Mr Carlton has taken 2 or 3 days off this week. He told me he would come up about Thursday – to fix up the outing on Saturday – that was the day last year that you and Avis came to an understanding – I wonder if that’s the right way to put it.

Nothing happened over the week end darlint except that Dad came up on Saturday and did not go home in the evening. It’s becoming a regular thing now – I wonder why?

When you are in Australia – darlint you will tell me all you do and where you go – everything – I want to know.

I shall be in Bournemouth when you’re in Australia. Think about me darlingest boy – it won’t be the holiday I anticipated will it? I certainly shan’t learn to swim neither shall I be playing tennis. It wont be nice at all – because I shan’t even be able to escape things and beings by going up to town each day – but it’s one of those things that have to be gone thro in this life I lead and all the railings against it won’t alter a tiny bit of it – so I must dance thro somehow. Are you going to see Harold? If you do, try and knock a bit of sense into him please darlint pour moi and write and tell me what he is doing – how is he getting on – everything – he writes such nonsense that you can’t tell from a letter what he really is doing. He’s written to Doris Grafton and tells her, he is sending over her passage money and she is to come out and marry him – and a lot more of rot like that – darlint I’m sure he’s not normal sometimes.

See what my pal can do for me, please.

Won’t you have a long time to wait for a letter from me this time, Darlint? I have been looking at the mailcard and see you do not arrive in Australia until July 22^nd – I’m so sorry – I wish I could afford to cable you a long long letter to somewhere before Sydney, or better still, to be able to phone to you and hear you say ‘Is that Peidi?’

I went to see a doctor on Saturday [17 June 1922] he asked me lots of questions – could he examine me etc – I said no – then he said are you enceinte? to which I replied ‘No, I think not,’ but explained to him how I felt. Eventually he came to the conclusion that I have ‘chronic anaemia’ – which will probably turn to pernicious anaemia if I am not careful.

I asked him exactly what this was and he said, ‘all your blood every drop turns to water.’

I also asked him if it was a usual thing for any one to have and he said ‘no, only much older people suffer with it; as a rule – only younger people, when they have had an accident and lost a lot of blood, have you had one?’ he said.

I said ‘No’ – because it wasn’t really an accident and I didn’t want to tell him everything – he might have wanted to see my husband.

But I expect thats what has really caused this anaemia – because I lost an awful lot of blood.

The doctor says I must drink Burgundy with every meal – 4 glasses a day – I don’t know how I am going to do that – I hate the stuff.

He has given me some medicine as well and a box of pills to be taken until I am well.

Darlint are you disappointed it is only that? tell me please.

I’ve just come back from getting the Marseilles Mail at the G.P.O.

What an utterly absurd thing to say to me ‘Don’t be too disappointed.’

You can’t possibly know what it feels like to want and wait each day – every little hour – for something – something that means ‘life’ to you and then not to get it.

You told me from Dover that you were going to talk to me for a long time at Marseilles and you put it off to Port Said.

You force me to conclude that the life you lead away from England – is all absorbing that you haven’t time nor inclination to remember England or anything England holds.

There were at least 5 days you could have talked to me about – if you only spared me 5 minutes out of each day. But what is the use of me saying all this – it’s the same always – I’m never meant to have anything I expect or want. If I am unjust – I am sorry – but I can’t feel anything at present – only just as if I have had a blows on the head and I am stunned – the disappointment – no, more than that – the utter despair is too much to bear – I would sooner go under today than anything.

All I can hope is, that you will never never feel like I do today – it’s so easy to write ‘try to be brave’ its so much harder to be so, nobody knows – but those who try to be – against such heavy odds.

It’s more to me than anything on this earth – to read what you say to me – you know this darlint, why do you fail me? What encouragement is it to go on living and waiting and waiting.

Perhaps I ought not to have written this – perhaps I ought to have ignored having a scrap only, altogether – but how I feel and what I think I must tell you always.

Darlint I hope you will never never never feel as miserable as

PEIDI.

LETTER
[Envelope – Mr. F. Bywaters, P.O. R.M.S. ‘Morea’, Syndey, Australia]
[Postmark – London, E.C., 22 June 1922, 3.30 p.m. Stamp 1 1/2d.]
[Thursday 22^nd June 1922]

Since I have posted the first letter to Sydney darlint a whole night & a whole day has gone by & Ive been thinking & thinking such a lot & feeling so awful about it – I couldnt sleep for one little minute – thinking about you & what you would think of me & how you would feel when you received it.

I am sorry darlint – but I wrote how I felt it was awful – & sometimes when you feel so terrible you write & think very unjust and bitter things your feelings at the time carry you away they did me please, please, darlingest boy forgive me.

Pals should never feel hard & cross with one another – should they? & we are still pals in spite of that letter, aren’t we? do write and tell me it makes no difference – I shant feel ‘right’ with myself until you tell me has made no difference; I feel an awful beast about it: I wish I had not posted it at once but kept it for a day when I should have torn it up. Please forgive me & try to excuse your pal. She did feel so awfully down in the world when she found that or felt that the best pal a girl ever had had forgotten or neglected her.

She’ll try hard not to transgress again.

PEIDI.

LETTER
[Envelope – Mr. F. Bywaters, P.O. R.M.S. ‘Morea’, Melbourne, Australia]
[Postmark – London, 28 June, 1922, 2.30 p.m. Stamps 1 ½, 1 ½]
[written from Friday 23^rd June – Tuesday 27^th June 22]

Today is Friday darlint by the day not the date the day you took me to lunch at the Holborn – first time when I let you see and told you some things that no one else knew. I wanted to ask you if you remembered anything about last Wednesday – I’m not going to tell you – just tell me if you do remember & what it is.

King’s Hall, Holborn Restaurant where Edith and Freddy trysted repeatedly

Nothing else of any importance has happened darlint since I talked to you last – we still argue about you & I suppose we always shall. Tonight we are going to a Garden Party & Fete in aid of the Seamens Orphanage at Wanstead.

Mrs Birnage & her people are on the Committee & she is partaking in some of the amusements I believe & tomorrow is the outing – so perhaps this week end will pass a little more quickly. I shall still have to wait 5 days after Sunday – to hear from you Darlint I haven’t sent your watch on to you because you have not told me what to do about it & I especially asked you so I shall keep it until I do hear.

It was rather funny on Tuesday. Mr Dunsford offered to take me up in the car and let me stand on the roof of it to see the Prince on the next day – of course I was rather bucked up about it and told him on the Tuesday evening. He did make a fuss – said he objected & a lot more nonsense & asked how I was going to get on the roof – I darent tell him Mr. Dunsford was going to hoist me up – he would have been ‘terribly shocked’ so I said I could climb up by a rope ladder at the side of the motor.

However I went in spite of all objections & saw everything beautifully it was rather fun.

Last week one evening I went up West to buy a frock for the outing – I did so – I think you would like it – it is pale mauve voile embroidered in grey on the bodice & on the skirt & a sash of darker mauve ribbon. It was from the shop I saw the White & jade frock I told you about & I asked them if they had still got it – they had & showed it to me – it was lovely & so was the price – 12 guineas – so it had to stay in the shop.

I was looking into a shop window up there & went to move away & found your sister & her fiance standing beside me, also looking in to the window.

I suppose she was trousseau hunting: of course she’s not coming to town after she is married, is she?

Darlint, your own pal is getting quite a sport.

Edith with sash, 5th from left, in the three-legged race: Eastcote, 24 June 1922 © René Weis

On Saturday [24 June 1922] I was first in the Egg & Spoon race & first in the 100 yards Flat race & 3^rd in the 50 yards Flat race.

Everybody tells me Im like a racehorse – can get up speed only on a long distance & my reply was ‘that if a thoroughbred did those things then I felt flattered.’

The[n] I was M.C. for the Lancers we stood up 10 Sets had some boys in from an adjoining cricket field. I sat on the top of the piano & made a megaphone of my hands & just yelled – nothing else – Mr Carlton said all that shouting was worth 2 long drinks afterwards so I had 2 double brandies & Sodas with him.

From left to right, Edith Thompson, unidentified woman , Percy Thompson, Lily and Norman Vellender, Ethel Haddock: Eastcote, 24 June 1922 © René Weis

We had a very good day indeed: In fact I think I enjoyed the actual outing better than last year – until we got to Lpool St. coming home & then he started to make a fuss – says I take too much notice of Dunsford [who had been with the firm for only 6 months at that stage] & he does of me & created quite a scene. I am really sick of this sort of thing – he gets jealous & sulks if I speak to any man now.

Darlint, if we’re ever together for always & you get jealous I’ll hate you – I shant be your pal.

I am so stiff & sore today I can hardly move: I left the house 10 mins earlier than usual this morning – to make certain of catching my train: I was so stiff.

This time last year you were able to rub me & gradually take that stiffness away do you remember?

It was rather fun on Thursday at the Garden Party [in Wanstead] – They had swings & roundabouts & Flip Flaps coca nut shies Aunt Sallies – Hoopla & all that sort of things I went in for them all & shocked a lot of people I think. I didnt care tho’ & going home Mr. Birnage said he’d like some fried Fish and potatoes – I’d got rather a posh frock on – wht georgette & trd. with rows & rows of jade ribbon velvet & my white fur & a large wht. hat, but all that didnt deter me from going into a fried fish shop in Snaresbrook & buying the fish & chips.

Getting it home was the worst part – it absolutely smelt the bus out: I didnt mind – it was rather fun: only I wished you had been with me: I think 2 halves together would have enjoyed themselves – better than 1 half by herself.

Today is your birthday & our birthday – Darlint I wonder if you are thinking about it at all, I am.

I sent you greetings by cable this time it was the only way I could celebrate darlint I wanted you to receive it on the exact day but Im afraid you wont its not my fault darlint its the fault of that ship of yours not being within radio range of either Aden or Bombay on the 27^th.

Darlingest own Pal, I love you heaps & heaps more than yesterday and such a lot less than I shall tomorrow.

Miss Prior is going away tomorrow I expect I shall have plenty to do then until I go away.

Only 2 more days before I hear you talk to me I hope its a lot – I do so want it to be.

Goodbye for now darlingest pal to

PEIDI.

TELEGRAM ***
[Exhibit 69]
Marconigram

Delivered 26^th June 1922
Handed in at: London 13.35
Via Eastern Radio 26^th
To- Bywaters, Steamer Morea, Bombay radio

M H R 27621        PEIDI.

LETTER
Mr F. Bywaters P & O R. M. S. ‘Morea’, Melbourne, Australia
[Postmark – London 27 June 1922 Stamp 1 1/2d.]

The birthday of the Palship of 2 halves.

This is the real birthday darlint just the same as I always wish I wish today & hope everything will not always be in vain.

The birthday of the best pal a girl ever had.

Many happy returns darlint, may everything you undertake in your life be successful.

PEIDI.

LETTER
[plain envelope]

Darlingest boy I know always and ever, after all I cant be with you on our birthday – darlint I shall think of you such a lot & will you too, eh?

I want to leave every little thing to you darlingest boy, I know you will decide and do what is best for two halves, only I should like to know all your thoughts & plans darlint, just to help me beat up & live, to exist thro life, until it is time for us to be joined together. Could you write to me from Marseilles & tell me everything. Am I selfish? I believe I am because I am always thinking of myself & yet right deep down in my heart I want to do what is best for you.

Its fearfully hard to decide, thats why I want you to pour moi & whatever you say or do I shall accept without fear or doubt or question, & think all the time, even if it seems wrong to me, that you know it will, at some indefinite period, be best for us. This is right isn’t it?

It gets harder and harder every time doesnt it. I seem to have lived years & years in that little one from 27.6.21 to now.

Goodbye darlingest – I want you to have every success in everything darlint, you know that dont you? if only I could help you in that success, but I cant, so you must go on by yourself and know always that you are loved and trusted by

PEIDI.

LETTER ***
[Exhibit 25]
[Envelope–Mr. F. Bywaters, P.O. R.M.S.’Morea’, Freemantle, Australia]
[Postmark – London, E.C. 4 July, 1922]
[Tuesday 4^th July 1922]

Darlingest Boy,

First of all last Sunday week a lady I dont know her name – we all call her ‘2 jam pots high’ asked after – ‘that nice curly headed boy’. We met her in Ilford in the evening – I said when I last saw you – you were quite well. I wasn’t by myself Darlint – he was with me.

I felt quite jealous that she should remember you all this time. Then last Wednesday I met your mother and she cut me. I wasn’t prepared for it either – I saw her coming towards me and thought ‘as she spoke to me last time we met that there is no reason why she shouldn’t this time.’ And as she came up I just smiled, bowed, and said ‘How do you do’ – she just took no notice whatever and walked on. I can’t explain how I felt – I think I wanted to hit her more than anything – things get worse and worse – instead of just a tiny bit better each day.

On Thursday afternoon I went to the G.P.O for the Port Said Mail and encountered the first man that I saw before – he handed me a registered envelope from you (which contained the garters – thank you very much darlint) and told me if I had an address in London I couldn’t have letters addressed to the G.P.O. – I told him I hadn’t – but I dont think he believed me anyway he didn’t give me your Port Said letter and I hadnt the patience to overcome (or try to) his bad temper.

I went again on Monday and got it a different man was on duty – when I read it – I didnt feel very satisfied darlint it didn’t seem worth waiting all that time for – 24 days – however I wont talk about it – you ought to know by now how I feel about those things.

In one part of it you say you are going to still write to me because it will help, in another part you say – ‘Perhaps I shant write to you from some ports – because I want to help you.’ I dont understand – I try to – but I cant – really I cant darlint – my head aches – aches with thinking sometimes.

Last Friday last year – we went to see ‘Romance’ – then we were pals and this year we seem no further advanced.

Why arnt you sending me something – I wanted you to – you never do what I ask you darlint – you still have your own way always – If I don’t mind the risk why should you? whatever happens cant be any worse than this existence – looking forward to nothing and gaining only ashes and dust and bitterness.

I’m not going to ask dad about you at all – I’m not going to say anything to anybody – they can all think the worst of me that is possible – I am quite indifferent.

Miss Prior is on holiday and the only person in this world that is nice to me is Mr. Carlton – I have had 2 half days off and am having another to-morrow afternoon – all this time off makes me think of last year – wen you were with me – rushing off home to see you.

I’ve had a brandy and soda some mornings – about 11.30 and a half bottle of champagne between us other mornings – and I learn such a lot of things that are interesting too.

This morning on the station I saw Molly – talking and laughing with Mr. Derry – in case you dont remember that name – it’s the little man in the ‘White Horse’.

Edith Thompson’s Ilford, with, to the right, the White Horse (‘Mr Derry’) and the Ilford Hippodrome.

I’ve never seen her talk to him before altho she has passed me on the platform talking to him several times (me talking to him I mean). I bowed – said good morning to him as I passed and have since been wondering if they have told each other what they know about me.

Never mind, a little more bad feeling cant hurt – there is such a lot of it to contend with will you tell me if youd rather I didnt write?

PEIDI.

Have you studied ‘Bichloride of Mercury’?

LETTER
[Envelope – Mr. F. Bywaters, P.O. R.M.S. ‘Morea’,
Freemantle, Australia, Macdonald Hamilton & Co
10 August 1922, Freemantle, W.A.
[Postmark – London, [Wednesday] July 12 1922, 3.30pm Stamps 1 ½, 1 1/2d.]
[Tuesday 11^th July 1922]

Darlint Pal,

I dont think Ive got anything to tell you just the ordinary things that happen every day & I somehow dont think you want me to talk to you about those: I went to Henley last Thursday – with the Waldorf man – I previously had the invitation but refused on the plea of business but on the Tuesday night Mr Carlton asked me if Id like Thursday off so I rang up & made arrangements to go. We got there about 12.30 and had lunch at Phyllis Court at the invitation of an M.P. Mr Stanley Baldwin – it poured with rain all the afternoon & was altogether miserable – I got home by 6.45 p.m.

It wasnt the same sort of ill feeling that it was at the time before tho.

On Saturday we go for our holiday: Shall I call it? It wont be what I anticipated will it no swimming lessons or tennis or anything that Id really enjoy. However I must make the best of it & dance – Im so tired of it all tho – this dancing and pretending.

I’ve not packed my peach sports coat: I dont want to wear it this time – so Ive left it behind.

This is the last day for posting mail to Fremantle & Ive not had your promised letter from Aden.

If it is at the G.P.O. lunch time – perhaps I’ll have some more to talk to you about before I post this.

I’ll leave it for a little while anyway.

Avis has just been round here & I was in the office having a brandy & soda with Mr. Carlton; he asked her to have one too – I think she feels very flattered: am I horrid I really believe I am – tell me – but everything in this world seems so topsy turvy – Id give anything to be her – free I mean & I think she’d change places with me this minute if we could – but we cant – so I mustn’t moan it’ll become a habit.

By the way I told you about Molly & Mr. Derry.

I think it was Tuesday he said to me ‘So you know that young lady I was talking to the other morning?’

Me: No, I don’t know her.

He: But she knows you & a lot about you.

Me: Oh probably: lots of people know me & about me that I’d rather not know.

He: I believe you’re jealous.

Darlint, just try & imagine me being jealous of her talking to him of all people. I have to laugh right out loud when I think about it. Some men have such a high opinion of themselves & their charms that I’m afraid I cant climb up to them.

I wonder what ‘my own pal’ is doing now & how he is feeling – when I try & contrast my feelings of going away this year to those of going away last year – I really wonder if Im living in the same world – I suppose I am – but its not the same world to me darlint – that world last year didnt contain a pal – just one only, to whom I need to not wear a mask – but this year does – altho he is still so very far away that I go on wearing that mask to everyone I meet – every day – I wonder if there ever will be a time when I shall appear as I really am – only you see me as I really am – the ‘pretence me’ is my ordinary every day wearing apparel the ‘real’ me is only visible for such a very short time when you’re in London Darlingest Boy – I cant bear to think of you being in England and not seeing me – must we be so very strict & stern – cant you imagine what your only pal (no, not pal – Im talking to you darlint as the girl that loves you, Im talking to my veriest own lover & not as to a pal) will feel like knowing youre in London, & expecting to see you at every turn & really knowing deep down in her heart that she wont. Must you be so cruel darlint? See me once – for one whole day together for all that time & I wont mind if I dont see you any more the whole time you are in London I cant bear it if you go away without seeing me again – nearly 4 more months after September – that makes it January 1923 its too long to wait Darlint – too much to ask of any human being – especially is it too much to ask of you and I – we’re not ordinary human beings – we’re apart – different – we’ve never known pleasure – real pleasure I mean in anothers company – until we knew each other – we’ve had so few pleasures – & so many rebuffs – every one that is added now makes it harder.

Am I selfish? No, I don’t think its a selfish feeling cos its for both of us – Im fighting for our rights to break down that reserve that you’re going to build up against yourself & between

PEIDI.

LETTER ***
[Exhibit 52]
[Envelope – Mr. F. Bywaters, P.O. R.M.S. ‘Morea’, Colombo]
[Postmark – London W.1, [Friday] July 14 1922, 7.17pm]
[Thursday 13^th July 1922]

The MOREA at anchor in Colombo © René Weis

Darlingest boy – you worry me so much – what do you mean you say ‘I want to be in England now to look after you.’ I can understand that and I want you to be here also – but you then say ‘I want you to look after me too’ …… Whats the matter darlint, are you ill? is anything the matter that I could help you in at all. I do believe youve been ill – oh darlint why are you such miles away – why arent we together – so that I could help you. Would you like a pillow? the pillow that only Peidi can give you – Id love to have you here now so that I could give it you. Do tell me whats the matter darlingest boy – I shall worry and worry all the time until you write and tell me. Its Thursday and Ive just come from the G.P.O. with the Aden mail. Isnt it late this time darlint it’s usually in on a Monday or at latest Tuesday. However Ive got it and thats all that really matters Darlingest boy didnt I say a long time ago ‘Dont trust Dan.’ Of course I didnt mean that in the sense you have told me he couldnt be trusted but my instinct was right wasn’t it? You will be careful wont you darlint pour moi? I dont want to ever know or think that my own boy is in any predicament of that sort – because Ill be too far away to help wont I? The thought of anything like that makes my blood cold – Ill always be worrying. Im writing this letter rather early to Colombo – because Im going away tomorrow and I shant have an opportunity of writing to you again for a fortnight. Perhaps I could manage a letter card tho anyway you’ll understand wont you darlint pal? I dont mind a bit pencil as long as its words on paper – it doesn’t matter – because they’re what you say and think and do – a letter darlint is like food only you have food everyday to keep you alive and I have a letter every how many days? 14 sometimes and I have to keep alive in that all that time. About Bella Donna – no I dont agree with you about her darlint – I hate her – hate to think of her – I dont think other people made her what she was – that sensual pleasure loving greedy Bella Donna was always there. If she had originally been different – a good man like Nigel would have altered her darlint – she never knew what it was to be denied anything – she never knew ‘goodness’ as you and I know it – she was never interested in a good man – or any man unless he could appease her sensual nature. I don’t think she could have been happy with nothing – except Baroudi on a desert island she liked – no loved and lived for his money or what it could give her – the luxury of his yacht the secrecy with which he acted all bought with his money – that’s what she liked.

Yes she was clever – admire the cleverness – but she was cunning there is a difference darlint, I dont admire that – I certainly dont think she would ever have killed Nigel with her hands – she would have been found out – she didn’t like that did she? being found out – it was that secret cunning in Baroudi that she admired so much – the cunning that matched her own.

If she had loved Baroudi enough she could have gone to him – but she liked the security of being Nigel’s wife – for the monetary assets it held.

She doesn’t seem a woman to me – she seems abnormal – a monster utterly selfish and self living.

Darlint this is where we differ about women.

I usually stand up for them against you and in this case its the reverse but honestly darlint I dont call her a woman – she is absolutely unnatural in every sense.

You do say silly things to me – ‘try a little bit every day not to think about me’ – doesn’t that ‘trying’ ever make it worse – it does for me always.

About the ‘age’ passages in ‘The Fruitful Vine’ – I marked them because as I read they struck me as concerning you and I.

Darlint I didn’t do it with malice every passage in any book I read that strikes me as concerning 2 pals I mark – it doesn’t matter what they are about.

I hadn’t mentioned the subject any more had I?

My veriest own lover I always think about the ‘difference’ when I’m with you and when I’m away sometimes when I’m happy for a little while I forget – but I always remember very soon – perhaps some little thing that you might say or do when we’re together reminds me. Sometimes I think and think until my brain goes round and round. ‘Shall I always be able to keep you.’ 8 years is such a long time – it’s not now – it’s later – when I’m ‘Joan’ and you’re not grown old enough to be ‘Darby’. When you’ve got something that you’ve never had before and something that you’re so happy to have found – you’re always afraid of it flying away – that’s how I feel about your love.

Don’t ever take your love away from me darlint – I never want to lose it and live.

If it gets less and gradually fades away from me darlint – don’t let me live to feel without it. It feels a bigger fuller greater love that I have for my own and only lover now.

PEIDI.

LETTER
Letter Card (Bournemouth) – To Mr. F. Bywaters, P.O. R.M.S. ‘Morea’, Colombo

[Postmark – Bournemouth, 8 p.m. 27 Jul.; London, 29^th Jul., 22. Stamps ½, 1/2d, 1/2d.]
Mackionnon & Mackenzie, Colombo 23 August, 1922, 9.15am

Today is 27^th M.H.R.

Chorley [Chorleywood, Hertfordshire] today last year

PEIDI.

Darlingest Pal,

I’m on the Boat that has been all round the I. of W. landed at Ventnor – Id rather go there than Cornwall I think: please take me – He says were coming next year – are we?

 

Percy and Edith Thompson, July 1922, Knyveton Gardens, Bournemouth; photo by Avis Graydon  © René Weis

LETTER
Envelope – Mr. F. Bywaters, P.O. R.M.S. ‘Morea’, Colombo
[Postmark – London E. C. July 31, 1922, 6.15 p.m.
Postcard (unaddressed)
[Saturday 29^th June 1922]

I am leaving for London today.

This day last year I was at Kew with my pal.

I shan’t post this in B’mouth probably shan’t get an opportunity, I love you so much darlint, I always shall.

PEIDI.

LETTER
[Envelope – Mr. F. Bywaters, P.& O. R.M.S. ‘Morea’, Bombay]
[Postmark – London E C Aug. 4 1922: 4.30pm. Stamps – 1d.,1d.,1d.]
[Friday 4^th August 1922]

I wonder if you remember what today by the day is. I keep on thinking about it & of you & wondering if you’re thinking as well about leaving me all by myself at 41 for good, when Morris Avenue became one of the treasured spots in our memory. Last Tuesday was the memorable 1^st such a lot seems to have happened in that little time – & yet such a little – everything that we wanted to happen hasnt & everthing that we didnt want to happen has.

However perhaps this coming year will bring us the happiness we both desire more than anything in this world – & if it doesn’t? we’ll leave this world that we love so much – cling to so desperately.

We are finishing at 168 at 1 p.m. today I dont know what the dickens I shall do with myself: everyone I know is away – I cant even get a lunch or a tea out of anyone – or even a few hours amusement.

Last holiday breaking up I had a Pal waiting for me – a Pal that really wanted to see me for myself alone & who really wanted to take me to lunch – for nothing.

On Tuesday you’re starting for home – how I shall count the days now & look forward so much – I dont know to what because you say you wont see me – but I shall hope & hope & hope that before Sept 23^rd you’ll melt just a teeny weeny bit towards your pal. I wonder if youve got anything to tell me: or do you still feel reticent about all your doings while you’re away.

On Sept 24^th I wonder if you would like to remember to her that it is Avis’s birthday – I know shed like [you] to remember.

Dont say I didnt tell you in time this year.

I am enclosing a piece of the evidence of the ‘Russell’ Case.

Have you read it at all? I have found it very interesting & a portion of the evidence on enclosed slip struck me as being very similar to the evidence I could give – does it you?

I’ve wished & wished all the time it has been on that she could be proved innocent but the jury have found her innocent in the case of the 2 co-respondents mentioned – but she will come up for trial again regarding the ‘man unknown’. Write & tell me what you think about it please darlint.

Darlingest Boy, have you destroyed the photo that I asked you to last trip – you’ve never mentioned it – neither have you acknowledged my request – is it one of those things that you have – dismissed?’ I had an absolutely rotten holiday – the Boarding house was terrible – ‘Ladies are requested not to smoke in the house’ – no drink allowed indoors and not too much grub – even for ladies – I was sorry for the men.

However we made the best of a bad job – there were 27 in the house & not a very sociable crowd either or rather they were too quiet. I think Avis & I managed to liven them up a bit.

Derby Road, Bournemouth, 1920s, looking north
© René Weis

We did some mad things – climbed a tree in front of a row of Boarding Houses & had our photos taken up it (Avis & I I mean) everyone in the Bdg. Hses were watching us from the windows & had donkey rides up & down the front: the people stopping in our Boarding Hse could hardly believe (they said) I’d been married as long as I had & I was the age I am: they said I only seemed a child I felt glad they thought this pour vous – altho I really felt very old & miserable & lonely all the time I was away.

Derby Road, Bournemouth, 1920s, looking south © René Weis

Bournemouth is a very stiff starchy place – not a bit like the Island – Im very glad we didnt go there last year – that is one holiday I can look backward on & think I thoroughly enjoyed the holiday & myself in an impersonal way. You’d like Ventnor Darlint when we complained to the people there about B’moth being stiff – no smoking no drinking – (by the way there is only 7 licenses granted to the whole of B’mth & Boscombe & its a very big town 90,000 inhabitants) they said ‘There’s nothing like that about Ventnor – you can walk about naked if you like.’ Thats the place for us we said & this man recommends to a very nice Boarding Hse right on the front with 2 front lawns very like Osborne Hse last year.

We said to the Pier Master at Ventnor ‘I suppose youre going to dust us for 2d going off & 2d going on (they do in B’mth) as well’ & he said ‘Oh, no, we want your Company here & not your money’ & shook hands with us.

Ventnor Pier, a few years before Edith and Avis walked on it in July 1922 © René Weis

Darlint I do so want a holiday with you next year please – I must do the wages now – last holiday you came with me to draw them didn’t you?

Do you still love me as much? I do you – no more.

PEIDI.

LETTER
[Envelope – Mr. F. Bywaters, P.O. R.M.S. ‘Morea’, Aden]
[Postmark – London  E C Aug 15 2.30p 1922, Stamps 1 1/2d., 1 1/2d.]
[Tuesday 15^th August 1922]

Do you know darlint, I dont think I can talk to you very much – I dont feel like it a bit – I want to see you & feel you – not to imagine you & then talk, its so awfully hard.

When I came back to 168 I went to G P O & got a letter & the discussion on the book from Bombay & a note from Colombo – I havent heard any more – I wonder if you have written to me since & when I shall get it if you have – it seems such a long time since you went, three or four times longer than when you go to Bombay, and now you have already started home & I am writing to Aden – a month is 12 when you’re not in England & it will always be the same darlint – that will never alter, whatever else does.

I meant to have mentioned before that the Turkish Delight last time was stale – not a bit nice. Darlint, I’m not ungrateful and I’m not looking a gift horse in the mouth – as you might think, I’m just telling you this so that if you liked you could tell the old chap from whom you bought it, what you thought of him. I should want to know & I think you will too. Dont be cross anyway will you?

I’ve read one or two books while you’ve been away – & Ive not marked them – Ive wanted you to find the small things that interest us out for yourself. Ive got the ‘House of Baltazar’ now & have just started it. The two you ordered for me, never came in – the girl still says they werent ordered there – so I didnt bother – I didn’t want to do it for myself – I wanted you to do it for me – so Ill wait until youre in England again.

On Tuesday we went at 2 & I went to the ‘Waldorf’ for tea – & while waiting in the vestibule by myself a gentleman came up to me – raised his hat & said ‘Good afternoon, are you Romance?’ I thought he was mad & turned away & sat on the couch – he followed & continuing the conversation said ‘Im sorry if youre not, but I have an appointment here with a lady with whom Ive corresponded thro a ‘Personal Column’, she calls herself ‘Romance’ & she was to wear a black frock & a black lace hat.’ (I was wearing the blk frock with the roses on it & the lace hat you like). Then he moved away & later I saw him at a table with a girl in a blk frock with steel beads & a black lace hat, so I suppose he was speaking the truth, altho at the time I doubted it.

Edith T and ROMANCE (Doris Keane: 1920) in beaded dress

I think it was rather funny don’t you? Darlingest boy, Ive shown my beads & said that Miss Prior gave them to me, do you mind? I did it because I can wear them more often now – they are very much admired.

I think this is rather funny don’t you? while I was away I wrote to 168 for Rosie’s & the Dunsfords’ private addresses & he made ever such a fuss about it – said I was too familiar & deceitful – because I couldnt say what I wanted to on a post card to him (Mr D.) at 168. We had a right royal battle about it & I was told I was impudent & all sorts of things bad & that I must have a very good tutor – that is quite a favourite phrase and is often used.

Anyhow he sulked for 2 days and on the Sat [12 Aug ’22]: Avis came down and during the course of conversation she said to him, ‘My friend Bessie Hughes saw you in Lyons in Bishopsgate the other Friday evening.’ He ‘Oh did she, its quite possible.’ Avis Yes & you were with a short fat girl in a brown costume with a white stripe (This is Miss Tucknott). He Oh yes, I took her in to have something to eat as it was late after working at the office & it was my last night in town for a fortnight. I told him afterwards that I was not the only one who was deceitful, but he wont have it. Weve been chipping him about Miss Tucknott ever since & I believe he thinks Im quite jealous.

Ever since Ive been back in Ilford Ive had the most awful nights rest. I havent been able to sleep for more than an hour together & even when I do that I dream – sometimes theyre not very nice dreams. They are nearly always about you. One night I dreamed that you had married Avis – because she found out how much was between us (you & I) & threatened to tell everybody unless you married her – another night I dreamed I had been to a theatre with a man I knew – I had told you about him & you came home from sea unexpectedly & when you found me you just threw me over a very deep precipice & I was killed – sometimes Ive dreamed worse things than these & waked up in a fearful fright.

It reminds me of this time last year do you remember. I didnt sleep hardly at all for 3 weeks then.

I think I read your letter from Bombay thro again – destroy it & then talk to you about it for next week’s mail & Ill also talk to you about Dolores then.

I dont think I can now, I feel too sad – no not really sad – but Im in a deep depression that only one person in this world can light.

Do you know who that is darlint? Just the best Pal of

PEIDI.

LETTER
[Envelope – Mr. F. Bywaters, P.O. R.M.S. ‘Morea’, Aden]
[Postmark – London E C Aug 18, 5.30 p.m., 1922, Stamps 1 d., 1/2d.]
[Friday 18^th August 1922]

I was reading the book & I could understand her so well – I should do the same – exactly for the man I love – but you must love him darlint – real & deep & true – because your honour is such a sacred thing – your only covering, that you would only lose it to an ‘anybody’ for a man you really loved.

You ask if it is sufficient reason that a good woman knows she is wanted, that she sins. Yes I think this right in a measure. A good woman who has no husband or lover – either had never had one or one that had died – would sin with a man whom she knew wanted her & she would willingly give herself – because she felt that she was wanted so much wanted enough darlint, but a good woman who had a husband or a lover who really loved him & whom she really loved – would never sin with another man – because she felt that other man wanted her. Have I explained the difference, darlingest boy, Ive tried to.

I dont like Theo myself – but I think he was a good man & would have been a fine man if he had had a child. He was terribly selfish darlint I know, but then every man is selfish in life as well as in fiction, to be selfish is part of their nature. Cesare I loved, I think he was fine – he certainly loved Dolores very very much – but it still didnt make her love him. You say you dont understand Dolores because she wrote when she came back ‘All that she told you is true, I sent her to tell you’. (Nurse Jennings)

What about Lady Sarah Ides didnt you like her?

About Dolores darlint – I dont agree with you at all about her not loving her husband. You think she loved Cesare – because she gave all – darlingest boy she didnt give herself in the true sense of the word. She loved her husband so much that she would do anything in the wide world – anything in her power – to give him pleasure. She felt for him – as well as for herself – she knew what his pleasure would be if she gave him a child – she also knew more than he did – she knew it was not thro her she didnt have a child – it was thro him – he was the Fruitless Vine & she the Fruitful & because of this she degraded herself in every way for him.

Darlint, if she hadnt loved him, it would have been the easiest thing in the world for her to have said ‘It is your fault Theo (that is what she called him isnt it), not mine & he would have probably loved her so much more & she would have been so much happier – instead of which she makes the supreme sarcifice – (darlint it is the supreme sacrifice to give yourself to someone you dont love) for her husband’s sake, to make him happy – as well as herself – it was a big thing to do darlint, tremendous & it is always the same darlint & will always be the same – nothing is too much to do for the man you love – nothing is too much to give – not even yourself.

I can feel with her & live with her darlint & I did – all the time I certainly think she wronged Cesare more than she did her husband & I think she realised she had & that is why she wrote that.

She wanted Cesare to see how much she had wronged him – how bad she really felt she had been towards him.

Had she have loved him – she would never have said or written that – she would have gone anywhere with him – to the ends of the world – she wants a woman who was ruled by convention. He, Cesare was just a man who could help her to give her husband what he (& she) wanted most in this world & because Cesare loved her enough to want her & take her as she was – she used him – thats all there is about it darlint.

About the Mancelli darlint, you say you like her in one breath & in another you say you quite understand Cesare wanting to break away from her. These two sentences are absolutely opposite.

I think you said you liked the Mancelli – to please me – I think you thought ‘If I say I dont like her & could understand Cesare’s feelings in trying to get away from her ‘Peidi will be hurt – she will think of her position & mine in relation to the Mancellis & Cesare’s with regard to age, so I will say I like her. Oh I hate her – she was a beast a vampire – Oh I cannot bear her – darlint I should have been much more pleased if you had said you hated her.

I like ‘Carissima’ better than yours darlint – it sounds so like the ‘Great Lover’, so much like Cesare as I imagine him.

LETTER
[Envelope – Mr. F. Bywaters, P.O. R.M.S. ‘Morea’, Aden]
[Postmark – London E.C. Aug 23, 1.30 p.m., 1922, Stamps 1/2d.]
[Wednesday 23^rd August 1922]

Thank you for your wishes on the 27/6/22 darlingest boy.

It seemed such a strange day to me, I did want to wish you ‘Many Happy Returns’ for yourself first – then for we two darlint – in person that day – but I couldnt – so I sent the ‘Radio’.

Darlint, tell me what you thought when you were first told there was a message for you – before you knew what the message was. I thought about you such a lot that day & wondered if I did right in sending it. I thought perhaps it would give you a shock – that perhaps you would think it was something to do with ‘Health’ either mine or his.

About Dolores darlint – you say ‘Forget her romance in connection with you’.

I said it would be as her case with me darlint, because I felt it would be so good to do anything for you – to give you something to live for & cherish all your life – you could be happy then darlint – I know youll say you couldnt – but think a little – Im sure you could – you could live in a memory and with a replica.

However, while you still tell me to hope – I shall forget about Dolores.

Talking about ‘Scamp’, darlint, Im a bit fed up with him. While I was away he ran in the Steward’s Cup at Goodwood & I made sure he would win it especially as I was away & couldnt back him – so I thought about it & sent a wire to Rosie to do £1 each way for me & then the wretched thing didnt win.

Darlint remember when the ‘Morea’ is due in England, both 231 & 41 will be sure to try & find out if you are still on her or if you have stayed in India as you said.

I went to the Regent Palace to tea the other day darlint with Lily. Im trying to overcome that horror of the place & she asked me to go & I didnt want to say ‘No’, I felt very uncomfortable all the time I was there tho’, & I did try hard not to think of previous experiences there.

Its rather funny sometimes at 41. The attacks continue so Im told of course I know differently – but I say nothing & laugh all to myself right deep down inside. They always happen after ‘words’ or ‘unpleasantness’.

A Phrenologist at Boscombe told him he would live to be quite an old man.

Darlint, Ive used all my perfume, shall I buy some myself, or shall I wait for you to do it for me.

I’d really like you to do it best but I’ll do just whichever you tell me to do.

Goodbye for another week darlint Pal I do hope I shall hear from you soon – Ive had nothing since Colombo – & Im starving now. You havent forgotten your Pal in England have you? her name is

PEIDI.

LETTER ***
[Exhibit 63]
[Envelope – Mr. F. Bywaters, P.O. R.M.S. ‘Morea’, Port Said]
[Postmark – London E. C., [Monday] Aug 28, 6.15 p.m., 1922]
[Sunday 27^th August 1922]

Darlingest boy, today is the 27^th and its on a Sunday, so I am writing this in the bathroom, I always like to send you greetings on the day – not the day before or the day after.

Fourteen whole months have gone by now, darlint, its so terribly long. Neither you nor I thought we should have to wait all that long time did we? although I said I would wait 5 years – and I will darlint – its only 3 years and ten months now.

Many happy returns and good luck darlingest boy – I cant wish you any more can I? every day I say ‘Good luck to my Pal’ to myself.

PEIDI.

LETTER
[Envelope – Mr. F. Bywaters, P.O. R.M.S. Port Said]
[Postmark – London E C [Tuesday] Aug 29, 3.30 p.m., 1922, Stamps 1 d., 1/2d.]
[Tuesday 29^th August 1922]

Darlingest, I got a letter from you last Thursday, from Fremantle I think, I dont think there was anything in it that I can talk to you about – you say you are longing for that letter from me that you will get in Sydney – well darlint, Im longing to get a letter from you – a real letter, one in whch you’re going to tell me such lots and lots of things perhaps you will when you have heard from me. I always feel that you write better to me when you have heard from me. And then another thing that strikes me is this – in most of your letters you say ‘we are getting into so & so tonight.’ That makes me think that a few hours before you get into a Port, you sit down & write to me, as a duty. Don’t you ever feel that you’d like to write a few lines to me & then leave it & write again when you feel like it. Thats how I do darlint, & then when it comes to the last [day] for posting, I havnt got to sit down & write as a duty.

About books – I havnt read ‘Mrs. Marden’ – I should like to, but I have read ‘Martin Conisby’s Revenge’ quite lately & I wasnt very keen on it – it didnt seem up to Jeffrey Farnol’s standard I dont think I have read ‘The Chronicles of an Imp’ & yet the title is familiar. However I dont think the book would appeal to me very much from the title. Why did you leave out ‘The Common Law’ when you were naming the list of books that you have read & liked. Didnt you like it sufficiently to let it remain in your memory? For want of a nice book to read I got hold of ‘Septimus’ & read it again.

It is very amusing – have you read it? if not I’ll send it to you. Im now reading Eden Philpotts ‘Secret Woman’ darlint Im not very keen – it takes a lot of reading – its very dry & you know the ‘Secret Woman’ practically at the commencement – if you’ve got any sense.

Darlint, a little news that you wont like.

Blouses are fashionable again, no more jumpers – I’ve saved the ‘little green one’ for you, do you want it? Im longing for Sept. 23 to come, although you say I shant see you, just to know you are in London will be good.

I wonder what you’re going to say to my first letter to you at Colombo.

I’ll be awfully anxious to get your answer – be kind to me darlint – our pleasures together are so few – no, I’m going to stop now – because I shall start railing against Life & Fate & everything – & I do want to try not to – I want to B.B. only for you darlint – cos I know you will be pleased with

PEIDI.

LETTER
[Envelope – Mr. F. Bywaters, P.O. R.M.S. ‘Morea’, Marseilles France]
(Seal on back ‘P.’)
Postmark – London E. C., [Monday] Sep. 11, 2.30 p.m., 1922 P. Stamps – Three 1 ½ d.]
[Thursday 7^th Sept 1922 ff.]

Today is Sept 7^th darlint, do you remember it last year – I think it was the day the ‘Morea’ left England – am I right? I had rather a shock this morning – I am enclosing you the cause of it –  – just as I received it. Do you know anything about it? I don’t suppose you do darlint, but Im just asking. Im sure if you had reasons for not wanting to see me – you’d tell me and tell me the reasons – you couldn’t resort to letters of this description. I don’t think it can be from anyone I know – or from any relation of mine, because I am addressed as ‘p’ you will notice – & no one knows you call me anything but ‘Edie’. Also darlint I cant help noticing that it is posted in the West End on a Wednesday. Write and tell me what you think about it & if you have no use for the letter – destroy it – because I dont want it. I cant talk to you very much darlint – it seems such a long time since you really talked to me and nothing can break down this barrier but a long talk with you – I am so looking forward to it. Avis was over last night and told me you had seen Harold. She also said that they (231) were looking forward to the ‘Morea’ coming in – to hear all about Harold from you & when I said ‘But I understood he was not coming to England’ – she said ‘Oh that was a lot of rot he was talking, I expect he has thought better of it since we all think we’d like to die at certain times but we all get over it and I suppose he has done the same by now.’ She also told me that the ‘Morea’ is due for China & Japan next trip – is this so? Darlint – its even longer than Australia isn’t it? – Oh I cant wait all that time its awful here in England without you.

There has been some unpleasantness with Mrs Lester – she is not attempting to get out and its nearly 2 ½ half years now – so he told her if she wasn’t out by Dec. (she promised to get out for certain by this September) he would take the matter to court. We have had our solicitors advice on this matter & he says – she wouldn’t have a leg to stand on – 2 ½ years is tons of time for anybody to find something else. But I suppose she is waiting for something at the same figure (30/- a month) & of course she will never get it. However she’s horrid to me – of course she cant do anything to irritate him, as he hardly comes into contact with her – but I do – & she’s so nasty – she refuses to take anything in at all – not even bread or milk & has told the window cleaner only to do her side of the house.

Its awfully awkward – I have to rush home on Friday nights & do all my own shopping, carry potatoes etc – because if I only ordered them & had them sent she wouldn’t open the door when they came. She wouldn’t open the door to Bill the other day when he brought a parcel up for me & she wont open it to the Laundry – so I have to take it & fetch it. She’s done some very petty things this last fortnight – I didn’t believe she would – especially after what Ive done for her & Norah. I am trying to get Ethel to come up from Cornwall now – I dont know if I shall be successful – I do hope so – I shant be able to stand this state of things much longer Darlint. I hope I havent bored you with all this – I have just thought perhaps I have – after I had written it all. Forgive me if I have, I didnt intend to – I just tried to make you live in my life. Will you write & tell me if I am to send your watch to you at Plymouth & the books. I have had it put right and often wear it myself at 168 – the strap is so big it comes nearly up to my elbow – also I have had a gold buckle put on it – did you notice it was only R.G. I didn’t when I bought it – or I should have had it altered at the time – however it is done now.

Don’t forget to write from Marseilles & tell me what to do. Darlingest pal I love you more & more – I always shall Ill never alter.

PEIDI.

LETTER ***
[Exhibit 54]
[Envelope – Mr. F. Bywaters, P.O. R.M.S. ‘Morea’, Marseilles France
[Postmark – London E. C.,
[Tuesday] Sept. 12, 1922, 5.30 p.m.]

Darlint Pal,

I’ve got nothing to talk to you about – I can’t think about anything at all – I can’t even look forward to seeing you. Now you are nearing England – I keep contrasting this home coming with the previous ones. I have been buoyed up with hope, bubbling with excitement. Just existing with an intense strung up feeling of seeing you and feeling you holding me in your two arms so tightly that it hurts but this time everything seems different. I don’t hear from you much you don’t talk to me by letter and help me and I don’t even know if I am going to see you.

Darlint, I’m an awful little beast I know – I don’t want to be either – but I feel so hopeless – just drifting – but if you say ‘No I won’t see you’ then it shall be so, I’m quite reconciled to whatever verdict you send forth and shall say to myself ‘It is for the best it must be so.’

Darlint you do love me still tho don’t you? and you will go on loving me even if we don’t meet. Things here are going smoothly with me – I am giving all – and accepting everything and I think I am looked upon as ‘The Dutiful Wife’ whose spirit is at last bent to the will of her husband.’

This isn’t sarcasm or cynicism its exactly how I feel. I had a little letter from you – by what you said it was written on the 28^th of July Ive had nothing – further there are heaps and heaps of questions in my letters to you.

I wonder if you will answer them, or are they already dismissed? On Saturday I was so ill. I had to stop away – its not very often I give in so much as stopping away from business but on Saturday I really had to. I’m quite alright now tho’ darlint.

I don’t think I told you I bought a fur coat – at least part of it. It was 27 gns. and I had £13 saved up – so I borrowed £14 from the account and am paying it back at £1 per week – the debt is only £10 now.

Also I’ve had to fall back on wearing lace shoes – no don’t make a face darlint, they are rather nice ones – I wanted grey and could get nothing at all in my usual style – only with one or two straps across – and I don’t like these – even if they hid my foot I shouldn’t – they look loud, so I bought lace ones, only to wear with cloth clothes tho’ darlint – not with silk.

Yesterday you were at Suez – I suppose you got my Port Said letters there and on Friday or Saturday, you will get these – I think the mail facilities favour you more than me darlint.

Darlingest pal – do let me hear an awful lot from you next week – I’m just existing now – I shall live then.

Darlingest, only lover of mine – try to cheer me up.

PEIDI.

LETTER
[Envelope – Mr. F. Bywaters, P.O. R.M.S. ‘Morea’, Plymouth
(Seal on back ‘P.’)
[Postmark – London, 5 p.m., 20 Sep. 1922 P. Stamps ½ and 1d.]
[Tuesday 19^th & Wed 20^th Sept 1922]

Do you know Darlint Im getting fearfully disappointed today. I had hopes of hearing from you – but there is nothing yet. I went to G.P.O. yesterday and they told me there was nothing for me – that was quite disappointing enough, but I thought perhaps you were late at Marseilles & it would be in today (Tuesday). When I asked for the letters for me to-day & was told there was none, I asked if the mail by the ‘Morea’ was in and was told it was – but was not yet sorted – so now Ill have to wait until tomorrow – as its no use me getting letters after business hours – I have nowhere to keep them for safety. However I hope time will fly till tomorrow.

This afternoon I sent you a parcel of books to Plymouth – I thought perhaps it would be too late to catch you – if I waited to hear from you. And darlint something was in the parcel for you – I couldn’t remember if you told me your hairbrushes were worn out – or if it was some one else – was it you? & do you like the ‘Mason Pearson’ brush like wire on a rubber cushion. On Saturday I had very solemn warning that you were expected home this week & you were sure to visit 231 (This Gran Mother [sic])  & when I said I understood you were not coming to England any more – I was told ‘Oh that was all bluff – just an excuse to make it easier to take you out that night.’

I have been amusing myself making jam – chutney & mincemeat with the apples from the garden. Most people who have tasted it think I have been very successful & Norman wants to borrow me as his cook. Im getting rather proud of myself darlint – but I wish I was doing it to share with you – it would be worth more to me than the whole world’s praise. This morning I had a letter from Ethel and she says she will come up to me at the end of the month – thats something anyway – Im beginnning to hate this drudgery – it doesn’t even help to stifle thoughts now.

I think Ill send you a wire to Plymouth to ask you to send Plymouth letter (if I am to have one) to 168. One letter cant matter can it darlint, anyhow I’ll risk it. But Ill wire you because perhaps you wont open this before you leave.

Its 5 now darlingest – Ill put this away till tomorrow. Im thinking about [you] such a lot.

PEIDI.

[Wed 20 Sept]

Darlint darlint pal – Im so happy Ive heard from you – such a lot it seems like the very first time I have really heard since you have been gone. I don’t know what to say to you – I really don’t – but you know how I feel don’t you? Today is the 20^th and Ive got tons of work to do – it is statement day and its also nearly 4 – so I must post this now. I will talk to you properly and answer your letter – & keep it until you tell me where to send it – you will wont you? One thing I must say – darlingest pal – Im a thought reader – I must be – you’ll think so too when you get your parcel at Plymouth. Must it be pals only darlint? If you say ‘Yes’ it shall be.

PEIDI.

(still loves you)

LETTER ***
[Exhibit 28]
[Envelope – unaddressed
[starts Thursday 21^st September 1922]

I think I’m fearfully disappointed about you not getting in on Friday darlint. I’d been planning to get off early – rush to Ilford and do the shopping and rush up to meet you – having had my hair washed in the luncheon hour instead of at night – as I should have said and now all that is no use – so I shant have my hair washed – it must wait until the next Friday – that will mean an extra hour with you – do you mind me having a dirty head for a week darlint – its very very dirty. I’ve been hanging it out especially for now.

Why are you so late this time – oh I hate this journey, I hate Australia and everything connected with it – it will be 109 days since Ive seen you – and you didn’t answer my question about China and Japan next time. I suppose it is right – or you would have told me – it will be worse then.

I was surprised about you going home this time darlint – so surprised I couldn’t believe I had read rightly at first.

You ask me if Im glad or sorry – darlint I don’t know how I feel about it – Im glad for you darlint – because you know I always felt responsible for the break, I don’t think Im glad for myself tho’, I think I’m harbouring just a small petty feeling of resentment against them – I’ve tried so hard not to – and I think I didn’t at first, and its only just this last time.

You say you have reasons darlint I don’t know them and you don’t tell me them – so I cant be influenced by them one way or the other. Tell me them – it’ll help darlingest. You say you suppose you deserve the Sydney letter – didn’t you get 2 darlint – I was sorry as soon as I had posted then first. I do hope you got the 2^nd.

Darlingest boy – pal – you’re horrid to be cross about the Turkish Delight – you are really – I’m sorry I wrote that – but just think darlint – you know that is what everyone else would have said or thought and I’m mixed up with all the ‘everyones’ so much that I forgot at the moment, that I was talking to someone different. If you are still cross – soften a wee teeny bit and forgive Peidi and try and accept her excuse for erring Darlint – you know ‘to err is human, to forgive divine,’ and Im certainly not going to even hazard a guess why you are not bringing any delight or cigarettes this time, in case I err again or am misunderstood. Please tell me. I think I must have been reading ‘The Firing Line’ at the same time as you – I finished it last Sunday. Why didn’t you like it as well as the others darlint?

I liked it – but I liked the villain as they call him, too, Louis Malcourt.

I’ve read it before – ages and ages ago only I was stuck for something decent to read and asked Avis to bring along something belonging to me that they had at 231 – she brought that.

I’ve read ‘Monte Christo’ darlint – but neither of the others you mention.

You’re going to get me some books this time aren’t you? please darlint.

Darlingest boy – I don’t quite understand you about ‘Pals,’ You say ‘Can we be Pals only, Peidi, it will make it easier.’

Do you mean for always? Because if you do, No, no, a thousand times. We can’t be ‘pals’ only for always darlint – it’s impossible physically and mentally.

Last time we had a long talk – I said, ‘Go away this time and forget all about me, forget you ever knew me, it will be easier – and better for you.’

Do you remember – and you refused, so now I’m refusing darlint – it must be still ‘the hope of all’ or ‘the finish of all.’

If you still only mean for a certain time and you think it best, darlint it shall be so – I don’t see how it will be easier myself – but it shall be as you say and wish, we won’t be our natural selves tho’ I know – we’ll be putting a kerb [curb] on ourselves the whole time – like an iron band that won’t expand. Please don’t let what I have written deter you from any decision darlint – I don’t want to do that – truly I’d like to do what you think best.

I don’t sleep much better now – the nights seem so long – I sleep for an hour and lie awake for 2 and go to sleep again for another hour – right thro’ the night.

A doctor cant do me any good darlint – no good at all – even the most clever in the land – unless that doctor is you and it cant be, so Im not going to waste any more money on them. I want you for my doctor – my pal – my lover – my everything – just all and the whole world would be changed. Im very anxious to know about missing the ship at Sydney. I heard about it from Avis last night – she said ‘Oh I suppose he was drunk.’ Darlint, thats a lie isn’t it – you promised me once that it would never be ‘too much’. Im worrying about it -231 have made me worry – by putting things into my head.

Send my letters to 168 as before darlint – I’ll risk it and I have a difficulty in getting them at G.P.O. The Marseilles letter was marked all over ‘Not known’ and initial[l]ed about 5 times, I think, and they always question me closely as to not having a permanent address. I’ll expect a letter on Monday morning at 168.

Im not very keen on the sound of ‘I went home to my cousin’s every night – quite domesticated.’ It sounds like a sneer – I wonder if you did sneer when you wrote it.

Now about that Wednesday I mentioned – Im disappointed. I thought you told me you’d never forget. ‘Don’t spoil it’ and yet you can remember a trivial incident like that. Monday when I was with Harry Renton. Do you remember now? taking me to a quick lunch at Evans and coming into 168 and then meeting your Mother up West and then ringing me and asking me what I was doing that evening – and I was going to tea at The Waldorf. You went and slept at Norwood that night and didn’t come back to me until the Friday. You sounded very despondent when you say about ‘Time passes and with it some of the pain – Fate ordained our lot to be hard.’ Does some of the pain you feel pass with time? Perhaps it does – things seem so much easier to forget with a man – his environment is always different – but with a woman its always the same.

Darlint my pain gets less and less bearable – it hurts more and more every day, every hour really.

‘Other ways only involve the parting of you and I, Peidi, nobody deserves anything more than I do.’

I don’t understand this part – try and explain to me please – have you lost heart and given up hope? Tell me if you have darlint – don’t bear it all alone.

Darlingest, about you being unnatural – I don’t know – I don’t think its unnatural to give something without wanting to receive in return – I never did – but I think at one time – you would have thought so.

From the way your acquaintances argue – they are judging you from how they know you, I think, but I know quite a different boy from them – he’s a pal – not an ordinary sensual sort of creature made in the usual mould of men.

Let them know you as they like darlint – Im selfish enough to want to be the only one who really knows her pal.

I think I must be fearfully dense – also my memory has left me in the lurch – because I don’t understand what you mean by your question ‘Peidi do you think you could live with a replica – you once said No’.

When did I say it and what do you mean – what does the question refer to? It’s a puzzle to me darlint, but I accept the rebuff my memory has given me and hope you will overlook this omission.

Darlint that’s the worst of saying something ‘is always good’ – it invariably lets you down after this statement.

Please explain.

Now I’m going to be cross – Don’t bully me – I never said or even suggested that I should cultivate the Regent Palace Hotel and there was no need whatever for you to have hurled forth that edict and then underlined it. Ask to be forgiven – you bully! (darlint pal).

No, I don’t think the man who mistook me for ‘Romance’ was decent darlint, but I think he was quite genuine in mistaking me, II dont think it was a ruse on his part.

Yes, darlint you are jealous of him – but I want you to be – he has the right by law to all that you have the right to by nature and love – yes darlint be jealous, so much that you will do something desperate.

Ive not sent a wire to Plymouth to you – Ive changed my mind – I see you left Gibraltar on the 19^th and perhaps you will get in Saturday morning – then I shall send you a wire to Tilbury to meet me in the afternoon – if its at all possible for you.

Before I finish up this letter I have a confession to make. Darlingest about the watch – I didn’t send it to Plymouth – purposely.

I felt that you were not going to come home and see me this time and the feeling was awful – horrid, and I felt that if you refused I couldnt make you.

And then I was tempted – I thought, ‘Yes I can make him – I wont send his watch – I’ll tell him if he wants it – he’s to come to 168 and fetch it.

Darlint, was it small? if it was, real big love must make people think of small things, because real, big love made

PEIDI.

[Exhibit 55]

Darlint, Pal, please try and use – pour moi, and don’t buy a pouch, je vais, pour vous – one of these days (ad) PEIDI.

TELEGRAM ***
[Exhibits 47 & 48]

Office of Origin – London City, S.  Office Stamp – Tilbury, Essex, 22 Sep. 22

Handed in at 9.28. Received here at 9.48
To – Reply Paid Bywaters Steamer Morea, Tilbury Dock.

Can you meet Peidi Broadway 4 p.m.

Envelope adressed – Bywaters, s.s. ‘Morea’ Reply Pd.

TELEGRAM ***
[Exhibits 58 & 59]

Office of Origin – London City, S.  Office Stamp – Tilbury, Essex, 25 Sep. 22

Handed in at 10.3 a.m. Received here at 10.16 a.m.
To – Bywaters, Steamer Morea, Tilbury Docks.

Must catch 5.49 Fenchurch. Reply if can manage.

LETTER
[Envelope – Mr. F. Bywaters, P.O. R.M.S. ‘Morea’, Marseilles France Plymouth]

(On back) I burnt this sealing it – PEIDI.

[Stamps – Three 1 ½]

[Wednesday 27 September 1922]

well let us accept it then – and bear the hard part as willingly as we enjoy the natural part. Darlint, I didn’t think you wanted to go into the other carriage – but I suggested it because I felt there would be less temptation there – not only for you but for me too – do you think it is less pleasure to me, for you to kiss me & hold me, than it is for you to do so? I think its more pleasure for me than it can possibly be to you – at least it always feels so & darlingest, if you had refrained from doing these things (not perhaps last night – but at some time before you went) I am not above compelling you to – darlint I could, couldn’t I, just the same as if the position was reversed – you could compel me to – because we have no will power. I felt that’s how it would be darlingest lover of mine – I was strong enough in spirit, until I was tempted in the flesh & the result – a mutual tumble from the pedestal of ‘Pals only’ that we had erected as penance for ourselves. No darlint, it could never be now – I am sure that you see that now don’t you? intentions – such as we had – were forced unnatural – & darlingest we are essentially natural with each other – we always have been, since our first understanding. Why should we choose to be as every other person – when we’re not – is every other person such a model that you & I should copy them? Lets be ourselves – always darlingest there can never be any misunderstandings then – it doesn’t matter if its harder – you said it was our Fate against each other – we only have will power when we are in accord, not when we are in conflict – tell me if this is how you feel. As I said last night, with you darlint there can never be any pride to stand in the way – it melts in the flame of a great love – I finished with pride Oh a long time ago – do you remember? When I had to come to you in your little room – after washing up. I wonder if you understand how I feel about these things – I do try to explain but some words seem so useless. Please please lover of mine, dont use that word I dont like it – I feel that Im on a pedestal & I shall always have to strive to remain there & I don’t ever want to strive to do anything anything with or for you – that’s not being natural & when you use that word – thats just how I feel – not natural – nor myself. Would you have me feel like this just so that you could use a term that pleases you & you only? Tell me.

Do you remember me being asked if I had found ‘The Great Lover’?  Darlingest lover of mine – I had & I’d found ‘The Great Pal’ too the best pal a girl ever had. One is as much to me as the other, there is no first and seconds they are equal.

I am glad you held me tightly when you went to sleep darlint, I wanted comforting badly – I cried such a lot – no I wasn’t unhappy – I look a sight today.

Darlingest – what would have happened had I refused – when you asked me to kiss you? I wanted to know.

M.H.R.  27621 from

PEIDI.

ORDER [form] ***
[Exhibit 9]
From Carlton and Prior
168 Aldersgate Street
London, E.C. 1
September 30, 1922

Come in for me in ½ hour.

PEIDI

LETTER ***
[Exhibit 60]
[Monday 2^nd October 1922]

Darlingest lover of mine, thank you, thank you, oh thank you a thousand times for Friday [29 Sept 1922] – it was lovely – its always lovely to go out with you.

And then Saturday – yes I did feel happy – I didn’t think a teeny bit about anything in this world, except being with you – and all Saturday evening I was thinking about you – I was just with you in a big arm chair in front of a great big fire feeling all the time how much I had won – cos I have darlint, won such a lot – it feels such a great big thing to me sometimes – that I can’t breathe.

When you are away and I see girls with men walking along together – perhaps they are acknowledged sweethearts – they look so ordinary then I feel proud – so proud to think and feel that you are my lover and even tho’ not acknowledged I can still hold you – just with a tiny ‘hope’.

We’ll always be lovers – even Darlint, we’ve said we’ll always be Pals haven’t we, shall we say we’ll always be lovers – even tho’ secret ones, or is it (this great big love) a thing we can’t control – dare we say that – I think I will dare. Yes I will ‘Ill always love you’ – if you are dead – if you have left me even if you don’t still love me, I always shall you.

Your love to me is new, it is something different, it is my life and if things should go badly with us, I shall always have this past year to look back upon and feel that ‘Then I lived’ I never did before and I never shall again.

Darlingest lover, what happened last night? I don’t know myself I only know how I felt – no not really how I felt but how I could feel – if time and circumstances were different.

It seems like a great welling up of love – of feeling – of inertia, just as if I am wax in your hands – to do with as you will and I feel that if you do as you wish I shall be happy, its physical purely and I can’t really describe it – but you will understand darlint won’t you? You said you knew it would be like this one day – if it hadn’t would you have been disappointed. Darlingest when you are rough, I go dead – try not to be please.

The book is lovely – it’s going to be sad darlint tho’, why can’t life go on happy always?

I like Clarie – she is so natural so unworldly.

Why aren’t you an artist and I as she is – I feel when I am reading frightfully jealous of her – it’s a picture darlint, just how I did once picture that little flat in Chelsea – why can’t he go on loving her always – why are men different – I am right when I say that love to a man is a thing apart from his life – but to a woman it is her whole existence.

I tried so hard to find a way out tonight darlingest but he was suspicious and still is – I suppose we must make a study of this deceit for some time longer. I hate it. I hate every lie I have to tell to see you – because lies seem such small mean things to attain such an object as ours. We ought to be able to use great big things for great big love like ours. I’d love to be able to say ‘I’m going to see my lover tonight.’ If I did he would prevent me – there would be scenes and he would come to 168 and interfere and I couldn’t bear that – I could be beaten all over at home and still be defiant – but 168 it’s different. It’s my living – you wouldn’t let me live on him would you and I shouldn’t want to – darlint its funds that are our stumbling block – until we have those we can do nothing. Darlingest find me a job abroad. I’ll go tomorrow and not say I was going to a soul and not have one little regret. I said I wouldn’t think – that I’d try to forget – circumstances – Pal, help me to forget again – I have succeeded up to now – but its thinking of tonight [Monday] and tomorrow [Tuesday] when I can’t see you and feel you holding me.

Darlint – do something tomorrow night will you? something to make you forget. I’ll be hurt I know, but I want you to hurt me – I do really – the bargain now, seems so one sided – so unfair – but how can I alter it?

About the watch – I didn’t think you thought more of that – how can I explain what I did feel? I felt that we had parted – you weren’t going to see me – I had given you something to remind you of me and I had purposely retained it. If I said ‘come for it’ you would – but only the once and it would be as a pal, because you would want me so badly at times – that the watch would help you not to feel so badly and if you hadn’t got it – the feeling would be so great – it would conquer you against your will.

Darlint do I flatter myself when I think you think more of the watch than of anything else. That wasn’t a present – that was something you asked me to give you – when we decided to be pals a sort of sealing of the compact. I couldn’t afford it then, but immediately I could I did. Do you remember when and where we were when you asked me for it? If you do tell me, if you don’t, forget I asked.

How I thought you would feel about the watch, I would feel about something I have.

It isn’t mine, but it belongs to us and unless we were differently situated than we are now, I would follow you everywhere – until you gave it to me back.

He’s still well – he’s going to gaze all day long at you in your temporary home – after Wednesday.

Don’t forget what we talked in the Tea Room, I’ll still risk and try if you will – we only have 3 ¾ years left darlingest.

Try & help

PEIDI.

LETTER
[undated]

 Darlingest boy I know, can I wish you all & everything you wish me.

Here’s luck to us both in ‘The Glorious Adventure’ may our next meeting be real, darlint, real & true & happy Ill let you have your own way about writing darlint, if you think it really best & I’ll quite understand.

Goodbye & good luck darlint, the very very best luck that could happen to you darlint and

PEIDI.

LETTER
(Written in pencil)

Mr Carlton has gone out to lunch now & I must wait until he comes back – Miss P. is not back yet – do you mind waiting there – Im sorry to ask you to wait such a lot but its awkward today – I had a terrible half hour.

PEIDI.

[The following written in pencil)

I rang you to-day – but you were out.

It was only to say goodbye – Im going away again in the morning – I didn’t ask you to drink my health this time home somehow I thought you would refuse. Perhaps I shall get my appointment in Bombay this time – I hope so I failed before.

 

LETTERS TO EDITH THOMPSON by FREDDY BYWATERS

 

 LETTER
[Exhibit 14]
Peninsular & Orient Steam Navigation Company
S.S. Morea
Bombay
1^st December, 1921

Dear Edie,

Do you remember last Xmas [Christmas 1920] you wrote to me wishing me all the best. I never wrote you so this year I’m going to make sure of it. I want to wish you all that you can wish yourself. I know all those wishes of yours will run into a deuce of a lot of money. Such items as fur coats, cars and champagne, will be very prominent on the list – anyhow, good health and I hope you get it. Have a very real good time, the best that is possible. I shall get about 2 days this side of Suez. Never mind I will have a drink with you. Once more the very very best at Xmas and always.

Yours very Sincerely

FREDDY

LETTER
[Envelope – Miss P Graydon, C/o Messrs Carlton & Prior, 168 Aldersgate Street, E.C.1]
[Postmark – London, W.1, [Wednesday] Sep. 6, 3.15 p.m., 1922]

September 6^th.

If you wish to remain the friend of F. Bywaters, be careful. Do not attempt to see him or communicate with him, when he is in England.

Believe this to be a genuine warning from

A WELLWISHER

LETTER ***
[Exhibit 30]
[late evening, Monday 25 September 1922]

Darling Peidi Mia

Tonight was impulse – natural – I couldn’t resist – I had to hold you darling little sweetheart of mine – darlint I was afraid – I thought you were going to refuse to kiss me – darlint little girl – I love you so much and the only way I can control myself is by not seeing you and I’m not going to do that. Darlint Peidi Mia – I must have you – I love you darlint – logic and what others call reason do not enter into our lives, and where two halves are concerned. I had no intention darling of doing that – it just happened thats all – I’m glad now chere – darlint when you suggested the occupied carriage, I didn’t want to go in it – did you think that perhaps I did – so that there would have been no opportunity for me, to break the conditions that I had stipulated – darlint I felt quite confident that I would be able to keep my feelings down – I was wrong Peidi. I was reckoning on will power over ordinary forces – but I was fighting what? not ordinary forces – nothing was fighting the whole of me. Peidi you are my magnet – I cannot resist darlint – you draw me to you now and always, I shall never be able to see you and remain impassive. Darlint Peidi Mia Idol mine – I love you – always – always Ma Chere. Last night when I read your questions I didn’t know how to answer them – I have now Peidi?

Darlint I don’t think I can talk about other things tonight – I want to hold you so tightly. I’m going to tonight in my sleep. Bon Nuit Ma Petite, cherchez bien pour votre.

FREDDY.

LETTER ***
[Exhibit 31]
[Sunday 1 October 1922]

Peidi Darlint

Sunday evening, Everybody is out and now I can talk to you. I wonder what you are doing now my own little girl. I hope that Bill [one of her younger brothers and a sailor] has not been the cause of further unpleasantness darlint. Darlint little girl do you remember saying ‘the hope for all.’ ‘Or the finish of all.’ Peidi the finish of all seems terrible even to contemplate. What darlint would it be in practice? Peidi Mia I love you more and more every day – it grows darlint and will keep on growing. Darlint in the park – our Park on Saturday, you were my ‘little devil’ – I was happy then Peidi – were you? I wasn’t thinking of other things – only you darlint – you was my entire world – I love you so much my Peidi – I mustnt ever think of losing you, darlint if I was a poet I could write volumes – but I [am] not – I suppose at the most Ive only spoken about 2 dozen words today I don’t try not to speak – but I have no wish to – Im not spoken to much so have no replies to make.

Wanstead Park, Ilford ,where Edith and Freddy trysted © René Weis

Darlint about the watch – I never really answered your question – I only said I wasnt cross. I cant understand you thinking that the watch would draw me to you – where you yourself wouldn’t – is that what you meant darlint or have I misunderstood you. The way you have written looks to me as though you think that I think more of the watch than I do of you – Tell me Peidi Mia that I misunderstood your meaning.

Darlint Peidi Mia – I do remember you coming to me in the little room and I think I understand what it cost you – a lot more than it could ever now. When I think about that I think how nearly we came to be parted for ever – if you had not forfeited your pride darlint I don’t think there would ever have been yesterday or tomorrow.

My darlint darlint little girl I love you more than I will ever be able to show you. Darlint you are the centre – the world goes on round you, but you ever remain my world – the other part some things are essential – others are on the outskirts and sometimes so far removed from my mind that they seem non existent. Darling Pidi Mia – I answered the question about the world ‘Idle’ [idol] on Saturday – I never mentioned it.

Yes darlint – I remember you being asked if you had found ‘The great lover.’ It was when you sang ‘A Tumble Down Nook.’

A Tumble-down Nook by the sea © René Weis & Mark Roberts

[A Tumble-Down Nook By The Sea

Here where the seagulls glide
Winging across the foam,
Here, where the brave ships ride,
Here would I make my home.

I just want a tumble-down nook by the sea,
With someone that I can love,
And who loves me:
Then I shall be happy
As the winds are free
In my dear little tumble-down nook by the sea.

Here on a shell-strewn shore
Here would I find my rest,
Dreaming for evermore
With one I love the best.

I just want a tumble-down nook by the sea,
With someone that I can love, and who Loves me:
Then I shall be happy as the winds are free,
In my dear little tumble-down nook by the sea.]

What have I found darlint? The darlingest little sweetheart in the whole world and ‘The Only Pal.’ Now darlint pal – Im anxious about Avis – I hope you have found out all there is to know of the other night – I want you to tell me. Supposing she did stay with some fellow and she tells you and asks you not to tell anybody – are you going to tell me Peidi?

Darlint I’m enclosing a slip for you for the books in case I am unable to get them myself – also will you get the ‘Tempting of Paul Chester’ Alice and Claude Askew. There is 13/- to pay on the others – but darlint I hope to be able to get them myself, also and principally I want to drink Beaune with you.

Good night now darlingest – dearest little sweetheart and big pal.

FREDDY

 

HOLLOWAY AND BRIXTON / PENTONVILLE PRISONS LETTERS BY EDITH AND FREDDY

 

LETTER (by Freddy)
[Brixton Prison]
No 8696
Nov: 18th 1922 [Saturday]

Name F. Bywaters

Brixton

G.M.M.C.

Today I want to finish the conversation of yesterday. It was rotten – wasn’t it – when I was feeling in a mood to talk for a long time I had to desist owing to lack of material. Now P.m. [Peidi mia] comment ca vas –

Why haven’t you written to me so that I recd. letter first post this morning? Answer – A change for me to be in this position? – I’m going to take full advantage of the opportunity. The enclosed cutting – Is the part I have underlined quite correct? If it is – I shall have to use spectacles. Now suppose we have a conversation about the book. My opinion now – yours when you answer. In the first place don’t think I liked it as much as I did ‘Atonement’. The best parts I see you noticed. I think Coict made quite an unnecessary sacrifice – though – she was prompted by the highest motives. If she had told Grier she would never had those times of torment – which – you can understand – but I cannot. (It was explained very well by A. & C. Askew – in ‘The Shulamite’). Did you like Grier? Or Bently?

Funny. – I dreamt last night that you wrote to me & told me that you had been able to finish ‘His Daughter’. I would talk about ‘Sam’s Kid’ more, only I have no particular wish to explain my feelings to an audience – you alone yes – it is different.
You understand fully – don’t you Pal? You asked me what I do all day – I suppose practically the same as you. Sit on a chair – think or read, eat at specified times & then sleep; One day is over. I look forward to the day at Court – it breaks the monotony. Do I sound a bit morbid & down – I don’t feel over exhilarated: – One of those ‘One little hours’ would be good now. But this I suppose is only a passing phase – not the longing for ‘One little hour’ – the other part. I’m going to finish now p.m. Carissima mia. Goodbye

FREDDY

LETTER (by Edith )
[Holloway Prison, Monday 18^th December 1922]

Dear –

I have just received your letter and I hasten to answer it.

Yes, it was awful last Monday. I can’t explain what it felt like. I suppose no one knows unless their position is the same. It would be so much easier to bear if I knew or even felt I deserved that verdict, but I’m hoping for such a lot on Thursday. Everyone seems so hopeful for me. I suppose it is catching.

The time here, on the whole, seems not as long as on remand – so many things are different. I can’t tell you because it is against the rules, but it is a fact, and I sleep better here than I did there; really I have very good night’s rest.

There is plenty of time and opportunity to think all day long, so that by the time the night comes my brain is quite worn out and rests quite naturally.

This is something I am really pleased about, because I never – no, I think, not once – had a really good night’s sleep. I have asked and obtained permission for you to visit me. Now, as you are going away on Friday, I wonder if you will have time, but if you don’t come I shall quite understand, and hope that you will have a real good rest over the holidays.

I remember it was mother’s birthday yesterday, and wrote to her. I’m glad you went down to see them. I expect they want cheering a little.

You know, dear, it’s really about them I worry far more than about myself. It must be painful for them – the publicity alone must be more than they can cope with. You see I am shut away here and know nothing of all that. However, perhaps things will come right even yet.

Ask – to write: only tell him to mind his p’s and q’s. Now there is nothing else I want to say except to thank you – I can’t tell you how much – for all you have done for me and for mother during this time.

It has helped tremendously to know that everybody, friends and relatives, have all stood by me during this time and have believed in me and still do.

I can’t say any more, but I’m sure you will understand how I feel, and remember that all I want you to do now is to wish me luck for Thursday.

EDITH

LETTER (by Edith)
[Holloway Prison, Thursday 21 December 1922
written shortly after the governor told her of her failed appeal]

Dearest Mother and Dad –

Today seems the end of everything. I can’t think – I just seem up against a blank, thick wall, through which neither my eyes nor my thoughts can penetrate. It’s not within my powers of realisation that this sentence must stand for something which I have not done, something I did not know of, either previously or at the time. I know you both know this. I know you both have known and believed it all along.

However, I suppose it is only another landmark in my life – there have been so many when I look back, but somehow they are not landmarks until I look back upon the journey, and then I know that certain events were landmarks. I’ve tried to unravel this tangle of my existence, this existence that we all call life. It is only at these times that we do think about it. It has been an existence, that’s all, just a ‘passing through’, meeting trials, and shocks and surprises with a smiling face and an aching heart, and eventually being submerged and facing Death, that thing that there is no escaping – no hope of defeating.

You both must be feeling as bad and perhaps worse than I do today, and I do so hope that this will not make things harder to bear. But I really felt that I should like to talk to you both for just a little while, after I was told the result.

Even now I cannot realise all it means: but, dearest mother and dad, you must both bear up – just think that I am trying to do the same, and I am sure that thought will help.

EDITH

LETTER (by Edith)
[Holloway Prison]

[Saturday] December 23, 1922

Dear Auntie – It was good of you to send me in the book; it will help to pass a good many weary hours away, when my mind is more settled.

At present I can’t think – I can’t even feel. When I was told the result of the appeal yesterday [CJ 265], it seemed the end of everything.

In Life, Death seems too awful to contemplate, especially when Death is the punishment for something I have not done, did not know of, either at the time or previously.

I have been looking back over my life, & wondering what it has brought me – I once said “Only ashes and dust and bitterness”, and today it seems even less than this. – if there can be less.

© René Weis

This last ordeal seems to be the ultimate end of that gradual drifting through Life, passing each event, each disappointment, so many of which I have encountered and met with a smiling face and an aching heart. [for these two paragraphs, see inset]

Auntie dear, I have learnt the lesson that it is not wise to meet and try to overcome all your trials alone – when the end comes, as it has to me, nobody understands.

If only I had been able to forfeit my pride, that pride that resents pity, and talk to someone, I can see now how different things might have been, but it’s too late now to rake over ashes in the hope of finding some live coal.

When I first came into this world, and you stood to me as godmother, I am sure you never anticipated such an end as this for me. Do you know, people have told me from time to time that to be born on Christmas Day was unlucky, and my answer has always been, “Superstition is only good for ignorant people”, but now I am beginning to believe that they are right; it is unlucky.

However, what is to be will be. Somewhere I read “The fate of every man hath he bound about his neck”, and this, I suppose, I must accept as mine.

I’m glad I’ve talked to you for a little while. I feel better – it seems to lift me out of this abyss of depression into which I have fallen, and I know you will understand, not only what I have said, but all my thoughts that are not collected enough to put on paper.

Thank Leonard for me for his letter. It made me laugh, and it’s good to laugh just for five minutes. I’ll write to him another day. I can’t now – but I know he will understand.

EDITH

LETTER (by Edith)
[Tuesday 26 December 1922]

Dear –

I wanted to write to you yesterday and yet I couldn’t. I could do nothing but sit and think. Who was it said, ‘Some days we sits and thinks, and some we simply sit’? Well, yesterday was a ‘sitting and thinking day’.

I got your letter on Saturday. Yes, the result of the appeal was a great shock – I had such hopes of it – not only hopes for mercy, but hopes for justice; but I realise how very difficult it is to fight prejudice.

If you have facts to fight, and you fail, you seem more reconciled, but when it’s only prejudice – oh, it’s awful.

You talk about not having to pay the extreme penalty. Do you know that I don’t dread that at all. I feel that would be easier than banishment – wrongful banishment for life. I feel no apprehension of what might lie ahead after this life.

Yesterday I was twenty-nine; it’s not really very old, I suppose, and yet it seems so to me.

Yesterday I was thinking about everything that has ever happened, it seems to help in all sorts of way when I do this. I realise what a mysterious thing life is. We all imagine we can mould our own lives – we seldom can, they are moulded for us – just by the laws and rules and conventions of this world, and if we break any of these, we only have to look forward to a formidable and unattractive wilderness.

I’ve often thought how good it would be to talk, to pour out everything, it might have pained as well, but it would be pain that comes with sudden relief of intolerable hurt.

However, I’m going to forget all that now. I’m going to hope– because everybody tells me so. I’m going to live in those enormous moments when the whole of life seems bound up in the absolute necessity to win.

Thank you so much for writing to me, and helping to keep me cheerful.

EDITH

LETTER (by Freddy to Edith)

[Tuesday] 2 January 1923

Edie – I want to ask you not give up hope. I know & you know & some others know also, that you should not be in the position that you find yourself. I’m still hoping that the powers that be, will exercise some common sense & displace their suppositions with facts. I know this must be a terrible strain on you, but Peidi mia, don’t lose heart – B.B. I am keeping quite well & I’ve heard that you are a lot better. I’m glad.

I have seen Florrie today & she told me that she had written to you explaining the misunderstanding. I should dearly like to pull the snub nose of a certain person – Do you know to whom I refer? I’ve read two books by Baroness Von Sutton ‘Pam’ & ‘What became of Pam’ – one of Hichens ‘An Imaginative Man’ & one of Rolf Wyllards ‘There was a Crooked Man’. Since I’ve been here. If you are able, will you write? I want to say a lot, but cannot, you understand. I can only hope & trust that some time in the future we will be able to talk to one another.

Goodbye, Peidi mia – B.B. –

Always,

Freddy

LETTER (by Edith)
[Wednesday 3 January 1923]

Dear – ,

I know I ought to have written to you yesterday – but I didn’t feel I wanted to – that’s my only excuse.

Thank you sending along the book. I haven’t [received] it yet, but I soon shall have. When I think I have been longing to get it for three months now and you have had it all the time. I feel so cross that I didn’t mention it before. However, I am going to prepare myself to enjoy it to the full, after waiting so long.

Does it seem three whole months since I first came here to you? Some days it seems like three weeks and others like three days. Time is always our enemy, don’t you think? It either goes too fast or too slowly always.

I’ve read lots of books since I’ve been here; usually I get through one every day – but they, none of them, have been very striking, nothing in them to impress one, or to make you remember them. Of course, I read ‘If Winter Comes’. Auntie – sent it in to me. That I enjoyed; it is quite differently written from the usual type of novel, and that fact alone made it interesting, but the plot (which doesn’t really appear until quite the end of the book) was even more interesting to me under these circumstances.

Have you read it? You should. Then I read ‘A Witness for the Defence’ by A. E. W. Mason. I wonder if you have ‘The Four Feathers’ by him? I should like to have that. Oh! And I read ‘His Daughter’, a Yankee book by Governor Morris, but there was nothing much in that; at least, nothing much I can discuss in writing.

I could talk to you about it, but I couldn’t write. Now I am starting Dickens again. I think I have read all his at least three or four times, but you can always pick up one and feel interested in it at any time

I remember at school we used to have what was called a ‘Reading Circle’. A Dickens book was chosen by our teacher, we read it at home, not at school, and then we each chose a character from the book and wrote a little essay on him or her, as the case might be. These essays we would all take to Wanstead Park on a Saturday afternoon: we would each read our own out loud, and then it was discussed in general.

We usually took our tea to the park and made a little picnic party of it. I remember an essay I was highly commended on by the teacher. It was on ‘Quilp’.

Today it is lovely; the sun is shining and everywhere looks bright and cheerful. I begin to feel quite cheerful myself – isn’t the sun wonderful, it always raises your spirits. But I don’t like it as cold as this. I’ll be ever so glad when the summer comes: the heat I love, but I never did like the cold – not out of doors, at any rate. I don’t think I should mind inches of snow outside if I was inside in a huge armchair before a great, big fire, with a nice book – yes, and some nuts, I think.

I’ve still got faith – I’m still hoping. They say “you can always get what you want if you want it enough, but you can’t control the price you have to pay’, and I think that’s so every time.

I got – letter. Thank him for me; it was very sedate and proper, tell him. I really didn’t think he could be like that – I think that is part of him I don’t know yet.

Shall I see you again soon – Edith.

LETTER

[Letter by Freddy Bywaters to Home Secretary,
Wednesday 3 January 1923]

I am writing to ask you to use your power to avert a great catastrophe and also to rectify a grave injustice. Edith Thompson & I have been found guilty & today stand condemned upon a charge of which we are innocent. In the first instance I wish to speak to you of Edith Thompson. The case for the prosecution was based entirely upon a series of extracts from letters written by her to me. There were mention in these letters, names of some poisons & broken glass to her husband. I am asking you to believe me, sir, because what I say is the truth, that Mrs Thompson never had any intention or the slightest inclination to poison her husband or to kill him in any way. The only way to treat those letters is the way in which I read them. She is a hysterical & highly strung woman & when writing letters to me she did not study sentences and phrases before transferring them to paper, but, as different thoughts, no matter what, momentarily flashed through her mind, so they were committed to paper. Sometimes, even I, could not understand her. Now, sir, if I had, for one moment, thought or imagined, that there was anything contained in Mrs Thompson’s letters to me, that could at any time, harm her, would I not have destroyed them? I was astounded when I heard the sinister translation the prosecution had put to certain phrases, which were written quite innocently. Those letters were the outpourings of a hysterical woman’s mind, to relieve the tension & strain caused by the agony she was suffering. If you like, sir, mere melodrama. Furthermore I wish to say that she never suggested to me that I should kill her husband. She is not only unjustly condemned but it is wicked & vile to suggest that she incited me to murder. God knows that I speak the truth when I say that there was no plan or agreement between Mrs Thompson & I to murder her husband. I can do no more, sir, than ask you to believe me – the truth – & then it is for you to proclaim to the whole world that Edith Thompson is ‘Not Guilty’ & so to remove the stain that is on her name.

It was said by an officer of the law, when the result of the exhumation was known, ‘The case against Mrs Thompson has failed’. Why then sir was she committed to trial? I ask you, I implore you sir, in the name of humanity & justice, to order the release of Edith Jessie Thompson.

I have not much space sir, so will try & be a concise as possible in laying before you my case. I wish to bring to your notice that the evidence against me is only that which has been supplied by myself. I was asked at Ilford if there had been a fight & I said yes. I was not asked for details & I received no caution. When I saw my solicitor on Oct. 7^th I told him exactly what had happened the same as I did to the Judge & Jury at the Old Bailey. When I was at the inquest at Ilford, I was advised by a law officer to get the charge against me reduced. I mentioned that to my solicitor who said it would be best to say nothing until the trial at the Old Bailey. You know sir, why my explanation was not made known before. Mr Justice Shearman suggested to the Jury, that my knife was in my pocket for one reason only – namely that I had agreed with Mrs Thompson to murder her husband on Oct 3^rd. I saw Mrs Thompson at midday on Oct. 3^rd & it was then for the first time I learned that she was going to the Criterion Theatre that evening. My knife was in my pocket then & it had been there ever since 23^rd Sept. I was in the habit of always carrying a knife or a revolver. At the inquest, Dr Drought in his evidence stated that the first blow had been delivered from the front. That is quite true, you have my statement made in the Witness Box at the Old Bailey. If I could speak to you I could explain any point you might wish, more fully, but my space here is limited. I ask you to accept my word sir, or perhaps you can shew me some way in which I can prove to you that am speaking the truth.

I hope & trust that this will receive your careful & favourable consideration sir, & that you will order another hearing of the case.

I am, Sir,

Yours respectfully,

FREDERICK E. F. BYWATERS

LETTER (by Edith)
[Wednesday 3 January 1923]

[To Florence Bywaters]

Thank you for your letter, but even now I have it I don’t quite feel satisfied.

You mention about the monkey, that your mother would naturally like to have it and, of course, I quite understand how she feels, and, believe me, I would quite willingly part with it to her if Freddy so wished, but you don’t tell me what he does wish – you only say ‘Probably mother misunderstood’.

Don’t let there be any misunderstanding. Just tell me what he really does wish. Also, while we are on the subject, will you ask him what I am to do with the watch?

In myself I am better, and am trying to keep cheerful, but it is so terribly hard. I often wonder if it is worth while [sic] and then, after my people have been, I feel I must keep up just for them.

Tell Freddy I am trying to be what he always told me, and hope he is, too. Tell him it is always now, as it always has been, and it always will. I can’t write a message; I want to say it; he’ll understand. You’ll write again, wont you?

Sincerely,

Edith T.

LETTER
[Saturday 6 January 1923]
11 Westow St.
Upper Norwood

[reply by Florence Bywaters to Edith Thompson]

Jan. 6th 1923

Dear Mrs Thompson,

I received your letter this morning and read it out to Mick when I saw him. Oh God what can I say to you now? Words are such poor things. Mother is nearly mad today. I wonder if she will pull through?

But I dare say you are anxious to hear what Mick had to say. First of all re: the monkey. He says for you to keep that – but that he would like Frankie (my little brother) to have the watch. So you could perhaps have it sent on. He told me to tell you he understands the message and it is reciprocated. Also he sent his love and says to try and bear up. He has written to you but the letter was sent to the ‘Home Office- – so I doubt whether you will get it now. Of course Mick poor devil – didn’t know [about the Home Secretary’s decision] when I saw him. Even then he didn’t seem much concerned over himself – his one thought was for you. Oh what a great heart he must have. But then you must of course know that as well as I.

I’ll be ever so glad if you would drop me a few lines – so that I could let him have any message – will you? I can’t say any more now – my heart is too full. With our kind thoughts and wishes.

Sincerely yours,

FLORRIE BYWATERS

LETTER
[Letter by Edith Thompson to her father]
[Thursday 4 January 1923]

Dearest Dad. –

Somehow today I feel I’d like to write to you. It seems such a long time since I saw you – and yet it isn’t. It’s only the same distance from Saturday as it was last week. I wonder why some days seem so long ago and others quite near.

Of course nothing different happens here, every day is the same. The best part of each day (and of course the quickest) is the half an hour’s visit I have. It never seems to be longer than ten minutes

Do you remember the book I told you I wanted? They tell me it is out of print, and I couldn’t help thinking that even in little things my luck is entirely absent. You remember I only missed No. 13 because there wasn’t one.

I have been reading Dickens’s ‘Our Mutual Friend’, but the print is so frightfully small and indistinct that I can’t see anything if the light has to be on, and it is after dark always that I feel I would like to read the more.

Yesterday mother showed me the sketch of the Morea. It looks nice in its frame, don’t you think? I was quite pleased about it.

I am getting quite used to things here now. It’s really astonishing what you can do without when it is ‘Hobson’s choice’.

You’ll be coming to see me on Saturday, won’t you? On that Saturday of last year, I wonder if you remember what we did?

I do, quite well. We were all at Highbury, and the huge dinner Harold ate I can see now if I close my eyes. And there were the rattles and trumpets and whistles in the Tube and Avis getting out without her ticket and our throwing it out of the carriage on to the platform when it was too late. Oh, dear! What a lot can happen in a year!

I hope Saturday comes quickly, it has been such a terrible long week. Au revoir until then.

EDITH

This morning the governor sent me back, censored, a letter that I had written home to Manor Park. I had said, or referred to, something that was not allowed. It is the first time I have had such a thing happen, and it is the first time I have had to rewrite anything I have written.

8^th January 1923

LETTER (by Freddy)
8 January 1923

[Freddy’s last letter to a loved one – his sister Florrie? – was written the day before he died. It contains a drawing of a restaurant with a staircase leading up to a particular spot precious to him. He wants his addressee to visit a particular table here. This may well a table on the inner balcony of the King’s Hall in the Holborn Restaurant. It is was here that Edith first opened up to him about her life the Friday before Eastcote, on 24 June 1921, only days before they first made love on his birthday on Monday 27 June 1921 at 41 KG.]

My Dearest –

I want you now that you know Edith to always to love and cherish her memory as a brave-hearted, noble, and loyal woman. Dear, I think, and I know, that you can understand what she has suffered. Don’t pity her but love her. You are right, dear, we will soon be together, and what was not be on this sordid planet, the land of cowards and curs, will be in another world. As you go into the – restaurant [the Holborn restaurant?] on your left is a staircase leading to the balcony (there Bywaters gives a rough sketch of the interior) you will then see a table in about the position I have marked with a cross in this crude diagram. Go there sometimes, you dear girl. I know how you have tried to help me. Thank you, you darling pal. I hope that your life will be one continual round of happiness. You have known misery and sorrow, therefore you can appreciate happiness. You deserve the best, dear, and I think you will get it; anyway, I do hope and trust that you will. Good-bye, my dearest – . Give my love to all at home, and write to – for me, please. Give her my fondest love.

Good-bye, dearest.

Freddy